If there is not a new baby in our home in exactly one month, I'll be scheduled for a C section. I find it particularly silly to be so focused on avoiding the dreaded slice and dice, rather than on the fact that I'm choosing to go through another potential heinous labor. The recovery from Warren's birth took so long and was so painful even 30+ hours of unmedicated labor sounds like a way better option.
The Xmas and New Years holidays were delightful. Lots of down time with family, and aside from the fact that my 10-days of vacation turned into 10-days straight of working from home (and one day in office), it was really nice to have a lot of unstructured time.
Everyone was so thoughtful and awesome in their gift giving this year. Every gift was perfect for every recipient, without a whole lot of "I guess I have to get you something.... so here" going on.
Since Warren is now 2, and thus allowed to watch TV... Xtian and I started his video collection. For his birthday we gave him a compilation DVD of Schoolhouse Rock, and for his birthday, Season One of the Muppet Show (you remember, the variety show circa 1974?). I'm hoping to start nurturing his rapier-wit and love of ridiculous musical numbers. Also, I hope this will stave off the horrible "Dora/Barney/Whatever godawful shows are on for kids these days" viewing that I know is inevitable. I just want to postpone it for a few more years.
I'm not really much for new years resolutions. I tend to be a year round goal setting type person, and I haven't forgotten my little life-goal list on the side here. Just taking longer than I planned on a few. Luckily, come February I'll be able to cross at least one of them off the list. That being said, I would like to reflect on my cooking resolution from 2009, and start a new one.
I like to cook, and I'm usually pretty good at it. I've always been terrified of baking, it just seems too technical and precise for me. So, in 2009 I challenged myself to dive into baking. A few less-than-perfect products gave way to some pretty damned good baking. Cookies, all manner of breads (including the braided challah I gave to family for Christmas) cakes and cupcakes. I haven't started any pastry making yet... but I'm not afraid of it anymore. For 2010, I would like to challenge myself to learn to make cheese. From a quick mozzarella to more advanced aged cheeses, I'd like to be able to pull out a wheel of cheese and know that I created that. Sounds like fun, eh?
Showing posts with label holidays. Show all posts
Showing posts with label holidays. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Dragging Ass
Oh ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I am officially dragging ass. Lots of work projects (including writing 15 video scripts by June 1, Hurray!) which are great, but there's only one of me. And therein lies the problem.
But, the anniversary date was just lovely. Xtian took me to a restaurant called Johnny Garlic, owned by Guy Fieri. A great joint, the man has fabulous restaurants. Then Xtian blindfolded me (here's where the horribleness in me comes out. He puts a blindfold on me, and I say "you know everyone will think you're just kidnapping a white lady, right?" See? Terrible.) And we ended up going to see Wolverine (who cares if it wasn't exactly great film, Wolverine... so hot right now.) at one of the few remaining drive-in movie theaters. And he even packed a flask of rum to pour into my coke, so Mama was happy as can be.
This coming weekend will be jam packed and delightful. Saturday I get my tattoo finished, followed immediately by "confidential" plans. I wish I knew what was going on, but Xtian's decided to surprise me two weeks in a row.
Sunday I'm taking the kid and the husband to the City, where we will explore the Science Museum with my darling friend Nathaniel. I've been completely enamored of Nathaniel since the day we met, and now Xtian finally gets to meet him too. Super looking forward to it.
Once the kid inevitably runs out of patience at the museum, we'll be crossing the Bay Bridge to help Sister Jen and Kate demo their new house. As it turns out, 100 year old homes are not always "move-in ready." So, that will be fun and exhausting. I've tried to reserve our Monday for some actual relaxation, but we'll see how that goes once all is said and done.
And then it's back to work for 4 doubly packed days of working it. I think I need a nap.
But, the anniversary date was just lovely. Xtian took me to a restaurant called Johnny Garlic, owned by Guy Fieri. A great joint, the man has fabulous restaurants. Then Xtian blindfolded me (here's where the horribleness in me comes out. He puts a blindfold on me, and I say "you know everyone will think you're just kidnapping a white lady, right?" See? Terrible.) And we ended up going to see Wolverine (who cares if it wasn't exactly great film, Wolverine... so hot right now.) at one of the few remaining drive-in movie theaters. And he even packed a flask of rum to pour into my coke, so Mama was happy as can be.
This coming weekend will be jam packed and delightful. Saturday I get my tattoo finished, followed immediately by "confidential" plans. I wish I knew what was going on, but Xtian's decided to surprise me two weeks in a row.
Sunday I'm taking the kid and the husband to the City, where we will explore the Science Museum with my darling friend Nathaniel. I've been completely enamored of Nathaniel since the day we met, and now Xtian finally gets to meet him too. Super looking forward to it.
Once the kid inevitably runs out of patience at the museum, we'll be crossing the Bay Bridge to help Sister Jen and Kate demo their new house. As it turns out, 100 year old homes are not always "move-in ready." So, that will be fun and exhausting. I've tried to reserve our Monday for some actual relaxation, but we'll see how that goes once all is said and done.
And then it's back to work for 4 doubly packed days of working it. I think I need a nap.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Mother's Day Awesomeness
So this weekend I volunteered at a "housing first" homeless project, followed immediately by spending 3 hours being riddled with needles (pictures forthcoming....). I arrived home at the same time my parents showed up for our Mother's Day Dinner. So, we cooked up a crapload of pasta, and ate cupcakes that were delicious the night before, but were placed back in the oven for storage, horrifically drying them out. Sad. But the ganache and buttercream frostings were delicious.
Sister Jenn spent the night, and we stayed up playing cards and drinking rum. Perfection. In bed at 2 am, awoken at 8 am by a singing toddler. And my mother's day spoiling began.
Xtian makes the best breakfasts in the world. That is not an exaggeration. For this fine day, it was toasted bagels with cream cheese, lox, cucumber and a dash of kosher salt. Just glorious.
Friend Jen came up to play in the afternoon. We took Warren to the park and about melted in the heat. In a mostly good way.
At one point, he was climbing all over the jungle gym, and looked really unsteady on some steps. Jen reached out to help him. Warren stopped cold, put his hands on his hips, eyes wide with attitude, and yelled some gibberish at Jen that could only mean "I can do it myself!" Pretty much the greatest thing ever.
Sister Jenn spent the night, and we stayed up playing cards and drinking rum. Perfection. In bed at 2 am, awoken at 8 am by a singing toddler. And my mother's day spoiling began.
Xtian makes the best breakfasts in the world. That is not an exaggeration. For this fine day, it was toasted bagels with cream cheese, lox, cucumber and a dash of kosher salt. Just glorious.
Friend Jen came up to play in the afternoon. We took Warren to the park and about melted in the heat. In a mostly good way.
At one point, he was climbing all over the jungle gym, and looked really unsteady on some steps. Jen reached out to help him. Warren stopped cold, put his hands on his hips, eyes wide with attitude, and yelled some gibberish at Jen that could only mean "I can do it myself!" Pretty much the greatest thing ever.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Gah! Holidays!
No, really everything was just delightful over the holidays. Low key affairs all around. Warren's 1st birthday was just wonderful with tons of good people, good food, and way too many gifts for the kiddo. So many gifts, I had to hide more than half of them for later use. I didn't even bother bringing out the couple of things I'd bought for him. Now, we have a huge stash of toys to bring out and cycle around when he gets bored of the current ones. It's really fun seeing everyone I love falling for my kid. He's really pretty special. I know, everyone says that, but man this kid just knocks me out every day.
He's a total walking machine, and is quickly figuring out climbing. Woof. Warren's sleep is getting better. He's now used to our system, if he wakes up before 5 am, Xtian takes him to the living room to snuggle and catch a few more hours of sleep. If it's after 5 am, I'll take him to bed with us and nurse him. Then I get up around 6 and sneak out of the house without waking any of my boys.
This morning was a day where Warren woke up after 5, so I nursed him then dozed until my alarm went off, then got myself ready and left for work. Xtian woke just after I'd left, quietly got up and got himself together for the day, leaving Warren asleep in our bed. While Xtian was making breakfast, he glanced over to the living room to see Warren wander in. He had apparently awoken, scootched out of bed (he's learned the lay on your belly, and backpedal until your feet hit the floor move all by himself), and came looking for breakfast without a word. Like, "hey, is there coffee?" Funny little person he is.
He finally recognizes my family and will willingly run to them when he sees them. This is a huge step forward for him, and he's grown particularly fond of my dad these days. A wonderful turnaround from a few months ago when he would scream every time he saw my dad. But now, he's Grandpa's boy and it's pretty precious.
The guys are still struggling to find work, but we're doing ok. If we can just cut our expenses a little more, we'll actually be able to survive on my income alone. Not well, and not really making progress, but we'll make it. And with Xmas over, we have a few weeks off until the next family birthdays (4 of them in one week. Fantastic planning.)
Work is up and down for me. Some days I feel like I'm doing well and can be successful, other days I feel like I'm going to fall flat on my face and that this is the worst mistake I've ever made. But more good than bad. I just hate not knowing, and feeling unsure of how I'm being judged. Stressful.
We're planning a quiet New Year's Eve, with a bottle of champagne and lots of sleep for Mama. I've been sick for the last few days and am dying for an extended nap. We'll see.
Hope everyone is doing splendidly. Hey 2009 has got to be better than 2008, eh?
He's a total walking machine, and is quickly figuring out climbing. Woof. Warren's sleep is getting better. He's now used to our system, if he wakes up before 5 am, Xtian takes him to the living room to snuggle and catch a few more hours of sleep. If it's after 5 am, I'll take him to bed with us and nurse him. Then I get up around 6 and sneak out of the house without waking any of my boys.
This morning was a day where Warren woke up after 5, so I nursed him then dozed until my alarm went off, then got myself ready and left for work. Xtian woke just after I'd left, quietly got up and got himself together for the day, leaving Warren asleep in our bed. While Xtian was making breakfast, he glanced over to the living room to see Warren wander in. He had apparently awoken, scootched out of bed (he's learned the lay on your belly, and backpedal until your feet hit the floor move all by himself), and came looking for breakfast without a word. Like, "hey, is there coffee?" Funny little person he is.
He finally recognizes my family and will willingly run to them when he sees them. This is a huge step forward for him, and he's grown particularly fond of my dad these days. A wonderful turnaround from a few months ago when he would scream every time he saw my dad. But now, he's Grandpa's boy and it's pretty precious.
The guys are still struggling to find work, but we're doing ok. If we can just cut our expenses a little more, we'll actually be able to survive on my income alone. Not well, and not really making progress, but we'll make it. And with Xmas over, we have a few weeks off until the next family birthdays (4 of them in one week. Fantastic planning.)
Work is up and down for me. Some days I feel like I'm doing well and can be successful, other days I feel like I'm going to fall flat on my face and that this is the worst mistake I've ever made. But more good than bad. I just hate not knowing, and feeling unsure of how I'm being judged. Stressful.
We're planning a quiet New Year's Eve, with a bottle of champagne and lots of sleep for Mama. I've been sick for the last few days and am dying for an extended nap. We'll see.
Hope everyone is doing splendidly. Hey 2009 has got to be better than 2008, eh?
Monday, July 7, 2008
What?! I'm bored. Don't you judge me.
So, I'm bored, and to help illustrate how retarded the whole door/Crazy Lady thing is, I've created a little visual aid.
So, my friend Char works in the pink office suite. There are two doors leading out. Door A, which is right next to my boss' office, and Door B, which leads to a back hallway. Again, these doors are pretty much the same distance to anything you'd want to get to, so it's dealer's choice which one you use.
Crazy lady sent my friend Char and email informing him she didn't want Char to use Door A, and that he should be using Door B. For no other reason than... well she's crazy.
And to further show how crazy, Notice how close she is to Door A? Well, she won't use it. For any purpose. Even if she's needing something from my office suite. She'll take Door B and go around the long way just so she doesn't have to walk past my boss' office. That's a whole lot of effort, if you ask me.
Anyhow, I hope that helps.
Ok, so, now that I've killed a bunch of time with that... I HEART 3 day weekends! Especially since this is probably the first time Xtian and I have ever had a 3 day holiday weekend off together in... well at least two years. Oh, the delight! The sheer and utter fabulousness that was three whole days of hanging out together. And even better, was trading off who got up with the kid so the other could sleep in. On Saturday, I slept until... 9 am! Seriously, I mean it. NINE in the MORNING! Haven't done that since... Warren. And then Sunday, I got my happy ass out of bed and let Xtian sleep until...almost eleven. Woo! Party people.
Oh god. We're totally lame, aren't we?
So, can someone explain to me how folks in my ghetto ass neighborhood got their hands on the same fireworks that were being set off by the city? I'm not joking, these fireworks, which were being set off in the middle of the street, all over my neighborhood, were shooting up over 100 feet in the air, and exploding louder than you can imagine. Until midnight when the police finally started cruising the neighborhood. I mean, I'm pretty used to hearing gunshots, but these fireworks sounded like we were being mortared. How does one think that setting these things off, DIRECTLY ABOVE people's homes, is going to be a good idea? Oh yeah, the same people who think slinging dope is a pretty fine way to supplement their income.
Man, I can't wait to get the hell out of there.
Yeah, that's all I've got for now. Huzzah, and happy Monday.
So, my friend Char works in the pink office suite. There are two doors leading out. Door A, which is right next to my boss' office, and Door B, which leads to a back hallway. Again, these doors are pretty much the same distance to anything you'd want to get to, so it's dealer's choice which one you use.
Crazy lady sent my friend Char and email informing him she didn't want Char to use Door A, and that he should be using Door B. For no other reason than... well she's crazy.
And to further show how crazy, Notice how close she is to Door A? Well, she won't use it. For any purpose. Even if she's needing something from my office suite. She'll take Door B and go around the long way just so she doesn't have to walk past my boss' office. That's a whole lot of effort, if you ask me.
Anyhow, I hope that helps.
Ok, so, now that I've killed a bunch of time with that... I HEART 3 day weekends! Especially since this is probably the first time Xtian and I have ever had a 3 day holiday weekend off together in... well at least two years. Oh, the delight! The sheer and utter fabulousness that was three whole days of hanging out together. And even better, was trading off who got up with the kid so the other could sleep in. On Saturday, I slept until... 9 am! Seriously, I mean it. NINE in the MORNING! Haven't done that since... Warren. And then Sunday, I got my happy ass out of bed and let Xtian sleep until...almost eleven. Woo! Party people.
Oh god. We're totally lame, aren't we?
So, can someone explain to me how folks in my ghetto ass neighborhood got their hands on the same fireworks that were being set off by the city? I'm not joking, these fireworks, which were being set off in the middle of the street, all over my neighborhood, were shooting up over 100 feet in the air, and exploding louder than you can imagine. Until midnight when the police finally started cruising the neighborhood. I mean, I'm pretty used to hearing gunshots, but these fireworks sounded like we were being mortared. How does one think that setting these things off, DIRECTLY ABOVE people's homes, is going to be a good idea? Oh yeah, the same people who think slinging dope is a pretty fine way to supplement their income.
Man, I can't wait to get the hell out of there.
Yeah, that's all I've got for now. Huzzah, and happy Monday.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Yes, let's converse further about my mammary glands!
Ok, so seriously? There is a rash of awful news going around. Cancer, dead cats, disease, layoffs, deployment to war zones, non-improving medical conditions, the list goes on. Careful out there, catastrophic life events seem to be catching. I'm doubling up on my vitamin C just in case. You might consider doing the same.
Every day I have at least one awkward conversation revolving around lactation. I think people at my office are just not busy enough. And the weird part, it's all men who talk to me about it. I'm perfectly content to just wash out my pumping supplies in silence. But no. Every day, some creepy guy or another is peering over my shoulder to see what it is I'm doing at the sink, then feels the need to comment. "I remember those from when my wife was breastfeeding!" Good for you. Now fuck off.
Or the really weird guy, "Do you always wash those out in the kitchen?" Umm, since my office lacks a sink, yes. Yes I do. Are they just making conversation? Because this? This is not the makings of idle conversation. It's awkward, and on the verge of harassment. Go ahead, ask me about my breast health some more!
Everyone I talk to asks me what we're doing with Warren for Easter. When I answer, "Um, nothing," everyone's a little taken aback. My rationale for not doing shit on the holidays for Warren: He's a baby. He does not care, and I don't really follow the christian faith as it is. So, like every year, I will be waiting until Monday, then buying all the half-priced Easter candy I can get my hands on. People were equally horrified when I mentioned that we didn't buy Warren any Christmas presents either. DUDE! He was like, 5 days old. His gift? He gets to live.
I'm really not motivated to do anything festive for a baby who has no concept of what is going on. Maybe when the kid's like, three and has some idea of what a holiday is, maybe I'll suddenly give a shit about doing all the cutesy stuff. I think my kid is pretty dang cute, but I have no desire to make/buy special outfits, or have his picture taken with a big, creepy Easter bunny at the mall, or put an easter basket together for him. And no, I don't think that makes me a negligent mom. But from the looks of shock and dismay I receive, clearly, I'm wrong.
Parents are weird.
Every day I have at least one awkward conversation revolving around lactation. I think people at my office are just not busy enough. And the weird part, it's all men who talk to me about it. I'm perfectly content to just wash out my pumping supplies in silence. But no. Every day, some creepy guy or another is peering over my shoulder to see what it is I'm doing at the sink, then feels the need to comment. "I remember those from when my wife was breastfeeding!" Good for you. Now fuck off.
Or the really weird guy, "Do you always wash those out in the kitchen?" Umm, since my office lacks a sink, yes. Yes I do. Are they just making conversation? Because this? This is not the makings of idle conversation. It's awkward, and on the verge of harassment. Go ahead, ask me about my breast health some more!
Everyone I talk to asks me what we're doing with Warren for Easter. When I answer, "Um, nothing," everyone's a little taken aback. My rationale for not doing shit on the holidays for Warren: He's a baby. He does not care, and I don't really follow the christian faith as it is. So, like every year, I will be waiting until Monday, then buying all the half-priced Easter candy I can get my hands on. People were equally horrified when I mentioned that we didn't buy Warren any Christmas presents either. DUDE! He was like, 5 days old. His gift? He gets to live.
I'm really not motivated to do anything festive for a baby who has no concept of what is going on. Maybe when the kid's like, three and has some idea of what a holiday is, maybe I'll suddenly give a shit about doing all the cutesy stuff. I think my kid is pretty dang cute, but I have no desire to make/buy special outfits, or have his picture taken with a big, creepy Easter bunny at the mall, or put an easter basket together for him. And no, I don't think that makes me a negligent mom. But from the looks of shock and dismay I receive, clearly, I'm wrong.
Parents are weird.
Friday, November 23, 2007
Let the Couch Surfing Begin!
I am officially on Maternity Leave! Hurray. Except, now what the hell do I do with myself? And of course, after dodging every illness to beset my coworkers so far this year, I've finally come down with the chest cold of doom. Thanks guys! There's nothing I love more than being sick during my time off of work. Load of ass.
Being that yesterday was Thanksgiving, I really ought to tediously list all the things for which I am grateful. But you know what? I'm going to skip it for a while just because it seems so hackneyed and cliche, and I already worked myself into tears recounting it all yesterday.
So rather than bore everyone with the details, I'll get right into Ridiculous Times With Coley's Family. I love my family, even family members who daily make me grateful I don't actually share any DNA with. But some people in my family need to shut the hell up.
First there's Step Grandma. I had hoped since her "real" grandson was finally here she'd become less annoying somehow. Instead, she repeatedly asked me if I'm ready for my "Christmas baby." At first I didn't quite get it and kept saying, "Well, if it gets to be Christmas, and this kid still hasn't been born, it'd be pretty dangerous." Only that's not what she's concerned with, she's still trying to tell me that I need to have my baby late. This is so old, and so annoying even my mother, she of the saintliness, wanted to smack SG.
Just why does this broad think she has a say in when my kid is born? And why does she care? If she were so concerned about the awkwardness of having a great-grandchild only a few weeks younger than her grandchild? She maybe should have thought about that before getting knocked up by a married man with grown children. Just a thought. A bitchy thought but a thought nonetheless.
Also in the category of People Who Need to Shut The Fuck Up: Uncle Joe. Luckily, again, this guy married into the family, so no shared gene pool. But dude, if this guy made one more shitty comment about the number of girls in our family (it's easily a 3 to 1 ratio girls to boys), I was going to kick him in the crotch. My favorite comment on his own children? (Three daughters before his son). "Three foul balls before we finally hit one fair." Yeah. Asswad.
Furthermore, this guy is The Greatest Expert On Everything! Except he's a freaking idiot. I liked when he tried to give everyone there, my parents included, parenting advice. It makes me pissy and I had to bite my tongue to keep from shouting, "Umm, I think I'll take my parenting advice from someone who DIDN'T have a meth lab in their home with their 4 children. And even more so? I'll go ahead and ignore anything said by the guy who just spent 3 years in prison for drug and child endangerment/abuse charges. Thanks!" But that wouldn't be the christian thing to do, now would it?
Luckily, as a non-christian, I think I probably could have gotten away with it. Damn my sense of etiquette and decorum!
Ok, blogging from home is strange. I don't think I've ever blogged from home. In fact, usually once I'm home, I forget that computers exist at all. I don't check email, I rarely even turn my computer on. So, someone kick me in the ass periodically to remind me to post, eh?
Being that yesterday was Thanksgiving, I really ought to tediously list all the things for which I am grateful. But you know what? I'm going to skip it for a while just because it seems so hackneyed and cliche, and I already worked myself into tears recounting it all yesterday.
So rather than bore everyone with the details, I'll get right into Ridiculous Times With Coley's Family. I love my family, even family members who daily make me grateful I don't actually share any DNA with. But some people in my family need to shut the hell up.
First there's Step Grandma. I had hoped since her "real" grandson was finally here she'd become less annoying somehow. Instead, she repeatedly asked me if I'm ready for my "Christmas baby." At first I didn't quite get it and kept saying, "Well, if it gets to be Christmas, and this kid still hasn't been born, it'd be pretty dangerous." Only that's not what she's concerned with, she's still trying to tell me that I need to have my baby late. This is so old, and so annoying even my mother, she of the saintliness, wanted to smack SG.
Just why does this broad think she has a say in when my kid is born? And why does she care? If she were so concerned about the awkwardness of having a great-grandchild only a few weeks younger than her grandchild? She maybe should have thought about that before getting knocked up by a married man with grown children. Just a thought. A bitchy thought but a thought nonetheless.
Also in the category of People Who Need to Shut The Fuck Up: Uncle Joe. Luckily, again, this guy married into the family, so no shared gene pool. But dude, if this guy made one more shitty comment about the number of girls in our family (it's easily a 3 to 1 ratio girls to boys), I was going to kick him in the crotch. My favorite comment on his own children? (Three daughters before his son). "Three foul balls before we finally hit one fair." Yeah. Asswad.
Furthermore, this guy is The Greatest Expert On Everything! Except he's a freaking idiot. I liked when he tried to give everyone there, my parents included, parenting advice. It makes me pissy and I had to bite my tongue to keep from shouting, "Umm, I think I'll take my parenting advice from someone who DIDN'T have a meth lab in their home with their 4 children. And even more so? I'll go ahead and ignore anything said by the guy who just spent 3 years in prison for drug and child endangerment/abuse charges. Thanks!" But that wouldn't be the christian thing to do, now would it?
Luckily, as a non-christian, I think I probably could have gotten away with it. Damn my sense of etiquette and decorum!
Ok, blogging from home is strange. I don't think I've ever blogged from home. In fact, usually once I'm home, I forget that computers exist at all. I don't check email, I rarely even turn my computer on. So, someone kick me in the ass periodically to remind me to post, eh?
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
St. Patrick's Day is for Lovers.
Last weekend I went to Chico to watch my sister in an Improvisational Comedy night. Improv is hard as hell, and even harder to do well. I was so impressed with these high school kids who performed. It was so neat to watch my sister perform. And I say this without any familial bias: She was probably one of the best out there. She was involved in a TON of their scenes and always contributed some great material.
Aside from my sister, one of my favorite performers was also the MC of the evening. Vance is a bit of a flamer, and had the audience in the palm of his hand so effortlessly. Whenever audience suggestions were inappropriate, he threw enough attitude that we all ended up laughing at the idiot who suggested it, rather than feeling awkward. He never lost his poise, even when he gave the wrong rules to a game.
My mom went with me to the show because, as Xtian says, my mom is the Original Hater. One of my favorite pastimes is mocking children with my mom. She seems like the epitome of soft-spoken Mormon mother. Many happy hours have been spent laughing about dorky T-ball players, know-it-all teenagers and their parents. Just glorious.
While waiting for the show to begin, mom and I were chatting with some people around us, and indulging in some EXCELLENT people watching. The show was on a Friday night, so a lot of the audience members were high school students. As I looked around, as far as the eye could see, were tits. Underage tits, just out on display. I’m 25 and I don’t dress this provocatively when I go to the bars. Some of these girls were covered less than I was on my honeymoon. I mentioned this to my mom, who remarked that it’s really gotten bad since the nicer weather started.
“So, just because it gets a little warm, tits come out?” To which my mom replied, completely deadpan, “Well, they get hot.”
This is why I love my mother. Well, that and the whole “raised me and never left me for dead on the side of the road no matter how big of a pain I was,” thing.
Saturday, as many of you may recall, was St. Patrick’s Day. I’ve never been a big celebrator, because I am not in any way Irish. I’ve gone out from time to time, but mostly I avoided bars on drinking holidays, as they are just overwhelming. My hermitude has only increased since I got married, since I can get Xtian liquored up and take advantage of him without leaving home. And that’s what I call “convenient.”
But, this year, we needed to get out, celebrate Xtian's Irish heritage (don't laugh, my black husband is Irish, and I'm not. I just love that!) and have some fun. Jen organized the whole deal, and Pat (Xtian’s awkward Mormon friend) came in from Sacramento to play with us. Into the city we went, cramming into a really great pub called Phoenix in the Mission District. The walk from BART to the pub reminded me of all the reasons I usually avoid the Mission, but it was fun for the night.
Mostly, I sipped a beer and tried to harass Jen into flirting with random boys. Excellent times. I’d love to go back there when it’s not a crazy St. Patrick’s thing. Just walking up to the bar gave you biblical knowledge of minimum 6 people. I’m pretty sure, I should go get tested for VD again. It was THAT crowded. But all was fabulous, much drinking was had by all, and we ended the evening with a Taco Bell run, and a sleepover.
Any event that ends in a sleepover/Pajama party is a good one.
At least as far as this old married broad is concerned.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
This VD can't be cured with Penicillin.
Ah, the tired is upon us. It’s pretty awesome. But when you are up between 4 and 4:30 am at least 5 days a week, tired is a constant.
So what, you might ask, are a couple of newlyweds doing for their first Valentine’s Day? Well, First, I’m getting off work. Second, I’m driving to Vacaville, in the height of rush hour traffic in the Bay Area, to meet my dad. Why? Because Xtian is with my dad right now, snowboarding. No, I wasn’t invited on this trip. (See? SEE?!?! Xtian is totally my parents’ favorite! Why did Xtian score so well on his in-laws, and I got the damn booby prize?) Then, we’ll eat at some random ass restaurant, again in VACAVILLE, and spend the next two hours stuck in tremendous traffic. It’s everything I imagined.
So, in lieu of any real celebration, I think I’ll just take part in Steak and BJ day (March 14, for those not in the know). That’s more my speed anyway. If I were to come home to find pink hearts and gas station flowers, I’d be more irritated and uncomfortable than pleased. So, Steak and Blow Jobs it is.
I did, however, commit a social gaffe and neglect to get my work husband anything at all. Oh, did I forget to mention that I have a work husband? Yeah, his name is Eric. And no, there’s nothing sexual at all here. When Xtian heard about the term “work-husband” he was a little concerned until I explained that I am in no way attracted to Eric. He calmed right down after that and has kind of accepted the situation.
Work husband, however, got me a delightful Starbucks gift card. The gift of caffeine is always welcomed. But, I didn’t do shit for him, so I think someone’s getting a card consisting of glitter, macaroni, and perhaps pipe cleaners. Because that’s how I roll.
Enjoy the VD everyone.
So what, you might ask, are a couple of newlyweds doing for their first Valentine’s Day? Well, First, I’m getting off work. Second, I’m driving to Vacaville, in the height of rush hour traffic in the Bay Area, to meet my dad. Why? Because Xtian is with my dad right now, snowboarding. No, I wasn’t invited on this trip. (See? SEE?!?! Xtian is totally my parents’ favorite! Why did Xtian score so well on his in-laws, and I got the damn booby prize?) Then, we’ll eat at some random ass restaurant, again in VACAVILLE, and spend the next two hours stuck in tremendous traffic. It’s everything I imagined.
So, in lieu of any real celebration, I think I’ll just take part in Steak and BJ day (March 14, for those not in the know). That’s more my speed anyway. If I were to come home to find pink hearts and gas station flowers, I’d be more irritated and uncomfortable than pleased. So, Steak and Blow Jobs it is.
I did, however, commit a social gaffe and neglect to get my work husband anything at all. Oh, did I forget to mention that I have a work husband? Yeah, his name is Eric. And no, there’s nothing sexual at all here. When Xtian heard about the term “work-husband” he was a little concerned until I explained that I am in no way attracted to Eric. He calmed right down after that and has kind of accepted the situation.
Work husband, however, got me a delightful Starbucks gift card. The gift of caffeine is always welcomed. But, I didn’t do shit for him, so I think someone’s getting a card consisting of glitter, macaroni, and perhaps pipe cleaners. Because that’s how I roll.
Enjoy the VD everyone.
Tuesday, January 2, 2007
woo to the hooo
I was sitting here complaining to myself about the lack of posts around holidays. Don’t people realize I’m at work? I need something pleasant to read, damnit! And then I realized that I’m just as bad. So, hurray. I’m an ass.
So, Xmas was delightful, food, presents, alcoholics and uncomfortable family gatherings. Just as the lord intended. Or something.
I enjoy Xmas with my family and all, but I’m getting itchy about starting my own family traditions. But, Xmas with only two people sounds rather anticlimactic to me. In my youth, there were tons of kids around, and there was that crisp edge of excitement. And even as all the kids got past the Santa age, there was still a lot of chaos. I guess chaos is what makes me feel more festive. Strange? Well, yes. But with a large family, that’s what every gathering is about. So, until my house is full of my own kids, I wonder if it will ever feel right.
In other news, our household is growing again. No, no kittens or babies to announce. My dear and lovely Sarah is moving in this weekend. She’s finally getting the fuck out of Chico, and will be living with us for the better part of this year. I haven’t had a real roommate (Xtian so does not count as a roommate) since the dreaded ex-roommate screwed me 4 ways from Sunday. But, Sarah will be a much better thing for several reasons: I actually, genuinely like her. I know her less-charming qualities, and love her for them. (I think this is called “acceptance.” Who knew?) I know I can tell her when dirty dishes or piles of shoes are bothering me. And she knows she can tell me I’m just being a neurotic obsessive butt. And really, if that isn’t love, what is?
So, welcome to the Bay, Sarah! I wager that, if nothing else, this should make for some excellent blog fodder.
~~
The 2006 Recap: Even Lamer Than You Feared
Rereading some early ’06 material helped refresh my memory. At the beginning of last year, I was preoccupied with planning the rest of my life. While not officially engaged, Xtian and I were discussing weddings ad nauseam for months.
I hated my job and my coworkers. I was so disappointed in my career progress that I was paralyzed. Unable to really move forward at all, and starting to succumb to it. Scripting excuses for why I was still working there.
Shortly after this, Xtian and I finally made it official, and got married. Much to my parents delight. At the very same time, I found a new job. After a few months on the job, we finally threw out the birth control. More on this as things do/not develop. I gained and then promptly rejected a relationship with my mother-in-law.
So, to review: 2006: Married, nice home, new job, prepping for babies. Really a freaking spectacular year overall, with some cloudiness lodged in my neuroses.
I promised it would be a terrible year in review, and I delivered. Yeah, I’m really keeping the tradition alive here.
New Years Resolutions.
I’ve never been one for resolutions at New Years. When I want to change some shit, I usually just do it. But, for the sake of….whatever here it goes:
Oh, and my spell check just tried to change “Superbowl” to “superb owl.” I don’t think I’ve ever seen even a great owl, let alone a superb one. Just excellent.
Happy New Year, y'all.
PS Xtian's mother sent "annointed oil" from the Reverend Percy James Johnson (or something like that) along with his Xmas gifts. He asked me what she thought he was going to do with that, my response was simple, "Cast the bitch demon out of your evil wife."
So, Xmas was delightful, food, presents, alcoholics and uncomfortable family gatherings. Just as the lord intended. Or something.
I enjoy Xmas with my family and all, but I’m getting itchy about starting my own family traditions. But, Xmas with only two people sounds rather anticlimactic to me. In my youth, there were tons of kids around, and there was that crisp edge of excitement. And even as all the kids got past the Santa age, there was still a lot of chaos. I guess chaos is what makes me feel more festive. Strange? Well, yes. But with a large family, that’s what every gathering is about. So, until my house is full of my own kids, I wonder if it will ever feel right.
In other news, our household is growing again. No, no kittens or babies to announce. My dear and lovely Sarah is moving in this weekend. She’s finally getting the fuck out of Chico, and will be living with us for the better part of this year. I haven’t had a real roommate (Xtian so does not count as a roommate) since the dreaded ex-roommate screwed me 4 ways from Sunday. But, Sarah will be a much better thing for several reasons: I actually, genuinely like her. I know her less-charming qualities, and love her for them. (I think this is called “acceptance.” Who knew?) I know I can tell her when dirty dishes or piles of shoes are bothering me. And she knows she can tell me I’m just being a neurotic obsessive butt. And really, if that isn’t love, what is?
So, welcome to the Bay, Sarah! I wager that, if nothing else, this should make for some excellent blog fodder.
~~
The 2006 Recap: Even Lamer Than You Feared
Rereading some early ’06 material helped refresh my memory. At the beginning of last year, I was preoccupied with planning the rest of my life. While not officially engaged, Xtian and I were discussing weddings ad nauseam for months.
I hated my job and my coworkers. I was so disappointed in my career progress that I was paralyzed. Unable to really move forward at all, and starting to succumb to it. Scripting excuses for why I was still working there.
Shortly after this, Xtian and I finally made it official, and got married. Much to my parents delight. At the very same time, I found a new job. After a few months on the job, we finally threw out the birth control. More on this as things do/not develop. I gained and then promptly rejected a relationship with my mother-in-law.
So, to review: 2006: Married, nice home, new job, prepping for babies. Really a freaking spectacular year overall, with some cloudiness lodged in my neuroses.
I promised it would be a terrible year in review, and I delivered. Yeah, I’m really keeping the tradition alive here.
New Years Resolutions.
I’ve never been one for resolutions at New Years. When I want to change some shit, I usually just do it. But, for the sake of….whatever here it goes:
- I will actually throw myself a birthday party for the first time in…well, at least 15 years.
- I will shut up more. But actually use my words to explain my feelings.
- I will initiate sex at mildly inappropriate times (e.g.: while watching the Superbowl, or on the off chance we're forced to go to church)
- I will not get in any bar fights.
- I will not buy a motorcycle.
Oh, and my spell check just tried to change “Superbowl” to “superb owl.” I don’t think I’ve ever seen even a great owl, let alone a superb one. Just excellent.
Happy New Year, y'all.
PS Xtian's mother sent "annointed oil" from the Reverend Percy James Johnson (or something like that) along with his Xmas gifts. He asked me what she thought he was going to do with that, my response was simple, "Cast the bitch demon out of your evil wife."
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Tuesday is to the Rest of the Week, as Drunk, Smelly, Child-Molestery Uncle is to the Rest of the Family
The Jens and I had our First Annual Holiday dinner/music exchange on Saturday night. I haven’t discussed making this an annual event with them yet, but I’ll send that bill up to congress and see how it goes. We all had our respective man-companions and since Sarah was in town, she came as well. Dinner was delightful, if difficult to hear each other. Instead of getting random ass gifts for each other, we elected to make CDs of our favorite music and exchange them. So, I’m just starting to sort through the multitude of music we all got. Jen S’s has a song called Carve That Possum. I think I’m officially in love. It’s a blue grassy old-timey little ditty, and yes the chorus is indeed “Carve that possum.”
It was only after hearing it twice did I remember that she told us about this song months ago. And it also reminded me that we had decided that “Carving the possum” was our new favorite euphemism for EVERYTHING. I suggest using it in casual conversation immediately.
Examples:
“That bitch sent those same forms back for the SIXTH TIME! I tell you, that just carves the possum.”
“So, the other night, Xtian and I were, ahem, carving the possum, and the phone rang. It really killed the mood.”
It has so many applications; I’m pretty nearly mind boggled.
~~~~
I’ve never really gotten into most TV dramas. Grey’s Anatomy: eh, it’s on after my bedtime, and I just don’t care about people as thin and neurotic as they. (Shut up, I might be neurotic, but I'm not waifer thin.)Desperate Housewives: just stop, and stop it now.
Basically, I like a few shows, and I watch them pretty religiously (and by “watching” I mean, taping and watching the next day, because 8 pm is my bedtime. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am 24 years old.) rarely adopting new ones. Charmed was never one that I could have cared about.
But, now that I’m at the gym by 5 am every morning, the only things on their TVs (which are directly in front of me, and therefore impossible not to look at) are CNN, ESPN and Charmed. I can’t see the subtitles very well, and there's no volume, so CNN and ESPN are hard to follow. Charmed, on the other hand, has pretty girls and handsome-ish men and is the easiest thing to follow without volume.
And now, I find myself looking for episodes of Charmed to be on the air when I’m at home. *sigh, this officially makes me a total dork. 5 years after it was anywhere near appropriate, I’ve gotten myself a Charmed fetish. Just awesome.
Meanwhile, I’m officially calling my holiday shopping complete. Perhaps I’ll finally get it together and make some candy goodness for the family, but we’ll just see about that. Dare I attempt to improve upon my mother’s fudge recipe? And I only had to actually leave my home once! Fuck shopping in stores. Stores are chock full of assholes, and I’ll be damned if I’m one of them. Not only that, seeing that many surly teenagers giving their parents attitude without consequences is starting to squelch my desire to ever procreate. And what with the whole lack of birth control going on in my house, this could be a problem.
So, onward and upward!
It was only after hearing it twice did I remember that she told us about this song months ago. And it also reminded me that we had decided that “Carving the possum” was our new favorite euphemism for EVERYTHING. I suggest using it in casual conversation immediately.
Examples:
“That bitch sent those same forms back for the SIXTH TIME! I tell you, that just carves the possum.”
“So, the other night, Xtian and I were, ahem, carving the possum, and the phone rang. It really killed the mood.”
It has so many applications; I’m pretty nearly mind boggled.
~~~~
I’ve never really gotten into most TV dramas. Grey’s Anatomy: eh, it’s on after my bedtime, and I just don’t care about people as thin and neurotic as they. (Shut up, I might be neurotic, but I'm not waifer thin.)Desperate Housewives: just stop, and stop it now.
Basically, I like a few shows, and I watch them pretty religiously (and by “watching” I mean, taping and watching the next day, because 8 pm is my bedtime. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am 24 years old.) rarely adopting new ones. Charmed was never one that I could have cared about.
But, now that I’m at the gym by 5 am every morning, the only things on their TVs (which are directly in front of me, and therefore impossible not to look at) are CNN, ESPN and Charmed. I can’t see the subtitles very well, and there's no volume, so CNN and ESPN are hard to follow. Charmed, on the other hand, has pretty girls and handsome-ish men and is the easiest thing to follow without volume.
And now, I find myself looking for episodes of Charmed to be on the air when I’m at home. *sigh, this officially makes me a total dork. 5 years after it was anywhere near appropriate, I’ve gotten myself a Charmed fetish. Just awesome.
Meanwhile, I’m officially calling my holiday shopping complete. Perhaps I’ll finally get it together and make some candy goodness for the family, but we’ll just see about that. Dare I attempt to improve upon my mother’s fudge recipe? And I only had to actually leave my home once! Fuck shopping in stores. Stores are chock full of assholes, and I’ll be damned if I’m one of them. Not only that, seeing that many surly teenagers giving their parents attitude without consequences is starting to squelch my desire to ever procreate. And what with the whole lack of birth control going on in my house, this could be a problem.
So, onward and upward!
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Jingle Bells: seriously shut up.
So, there's a woman who works near my office. She's very strange in ways I can't really describe (always looks frightened in a Large kind of way, talks in really excited tones about things that aren't really exciting at all: such as PAPERCLIPS! and TOAST!). But her most defining characteristic would have to be her walk. It's more of an upper-body forward leaning stomp. Kind of a march with momentum. It's obnoxious to begin with, and today she's added....a freaking jingle bell.
Festive.
F'ing A is today going to be long.
Can I officially call a moratoriam on clothing or accessories that MAKE NOISE? At least noise I can hear from more than 10 inches away? How precious is this fucking holiday season going to get?
~~~~
In other news, my MIL (you remember, the psychotic one?) has apparently decided I no longer exist. This is so stupid, I just had to share it.
Yesterday, in the mail was a 2 foot long, 1 foot wide envelope. Xtian took one look and said, "Oh god. It's from my mother." Now in the past, everything we received in the mail from her has been addressed to "Xtian and Coley." This was addressed to Xtian only. So, I started giggling.
Then Xtian opened it, and it's an obnoxiously large Xmas card with some dumbass cartoon character or something on it. Totally weak yet ridiculous.
On the inside some personalized note was scrawled to the effect of, "Xtian, I hope you are having a wonderful season, I *heart* you, Xtian, Mommy" and the preprinted message had the word "family" underlined about 9 times. (I think she just forgot to write "Only Xtian and NOT Coley.")
I consider this the equivalent of being 5 years old, getting mad at, for example, your dad. So, to show your displeasure, you draw a picture of the whole family, except dad. And inscribe it, "I love mommy, and sister, and brother and dog, and parakeet and NOT DAD! Everyone but DAD is good, and fun, but DAD is mean and icky!"
It couldn't have been more juvenile and petty if it had been scrawled in crayon.
I haven't been able to stop laughing since I saw it.
Just amazing.
Festive.
F'ing A is today going to be long.
Can I officially call a moratoriam on clothing or accessories that MAKE NOISE? At least noise I can hear from more than 10 inches away? How precious is this fucking holiday season going to get?
~~~~
In other news, my MIL (you remember, the psychotic one?) has apparently decided I no longer exist. This is so stupid, I just had to share it.
Yesterday, in the mail was a 2 foot long, 1 foot wide envelope. Xtian took one look and said, "Oh god. It's from my mother." Now in the past, everything we received in the mail from her has been addressed to "Xtian and Coley." This was addressed to Xtian only. So, I started giggling.
Then Xtian opened it, and it's an obnoxiously large Xmas card with some dumbass cartoon character or something on it. Totally weak yet ridiculous.
On the inside some personalized note was scrawled to the effect of, "Xtian, I hope you are having a wonderful season, I *heart* you, Xtian, Mommy" and the preprinted message had the word "family" underlined about 9 times. (I think she just forgot to write "Only Xtian and NOT Coley.")
I consider this the equivalent of being 5 years old, getting mad at, for example, your dad. So, to show your displeasure, you draw a picture of the whole family, except dad. And inscribe it, "I love mommy, and sister, and brother and dog, and parakeet and NOT DAD! Everyone but DAD is good, and fun, but DAD is mean and icky!"
It couldn't have been more juvenile and petty if it had been scrawled in crayon.
I haven't been able to stop laughing since I saw it.
Just amazing.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Mumble muble Xmas mumble
So, I’m mostly done with my Xmas shopping after 20 minutes online. So, whoo!
I have a trio of holiday parties/dinners this weekend, and Sarah’s coming down to play as well! This weekend is going to be awesome, and exhausting, all at the same time. And since we’re “trying” if that second line doesn’t turn pink on Friday, I’m calling it a free for all. Who knows when I’ll get another chance for such a champion weekend? Oh sure there’s the Coley Birthday Extravaganza in a couple months (ewww, 25 years old? Really, already?). But more likely than not that will be an Eat, Two Drinks and Fall Asleep Before 10:30 pm kind of Extravaganza. So, I’m making it count this weekend.
My aunt’s Xmas party turns into a tequila-fueled ping pong brawl every year and since we’re going to BART home, everyone can participate this year. Should be well worth a roll of film.
The only other thing I have for you is this clip. Just trust me, it’s fabulous in only the way Charles Schultz and Scrubs could create.
I have a trio of holiday parties/dinners this weekend, and Sarah’s coming down to play as well! This weekend is going to be awesome, and exhausting, all at the same time. And since we’re “trying” if that second line doesn’t turn pink on Friday, I’m calling it a free for all. Who knows when I’ll get another chance for such a champion weekend? Oh sure there’s the Coley Birthday Extravaganza in a couple months (ewww, 25 years old? Really, already?). But more likely than not that will be an Eat, Two Drinks and Fall Asleep Before 10:30 pm kind of Extravaganza. So, I’m making it count this weekend.
My aunt’s Xmas party turns into a tequila-fueled ping pong brawl every year and since we’re going to BART home, everyone can participate this year. Should be well worth a roll of film.
The only other thing I have for you is this clip. Just trust me, it’s fabulous in only the way Charles Schultz and Scrubs could create.
Monday, December 4, 2006
Jingle Bells, now drink yourself retarded
Ah, corporate holiday parties. Is anything at once so awkward, fun and mockery-worthy? I daresay, no. I realize these parties are supposed to be a way for coworkers to all relax, let down their hair and have some fun. But, I always come out of these things feeling like I spent my Saturday night at work, only more exhausting because I have to make pleasant chit chat with coworkers and their spouses/partners. I’m all for second-hand embarrassment, but watching VERY drunk vice presidents grinding on their/other people’s dates is more than even I want to watch.
My only goal was to avoid having a new nickname due to the party (such as Spaz, MakeOut Machine or The Puker). I think I made it out ok. Luckily, I was smart and brought a flask with good whisky. This served two purposes: 1. Avoid paying $7 for a poorly made 3 oz. beverage and 2. Since I only had a limited supply, I barely achieved buzz. So no chance of drunken debauchery.
I mentioned to my sister how I was less than excited watching my drunken coworkers behaving in divorce-causing behavior, she called me a prude. “From what I’ve learned on sitcoms, corporate holiday parties are all about getting drunk and making out with coworkers,” she said. And can I just say, the greatest start to a sentence ever. “From what I’ve learned on sitcoms.” And as we all know, sitcoms are well known for showing the consequences of poor judgment.
Well, I just let that one go in the conversation, but it’s been bothering me. Am I a prude? Not in my private life. But I think this is the difference. I attempt to draw distinct lines between my work life and my home life. I don’t bring work home with me and I try not to bring my private life into the office. Yes, I’ve had a few work friends who have translated into just FRIENDS, but that takes a lot of time. Things that I wouldn’t think twice about doing with my friends, (such as stripping naked and doing a lap around the block for a drinking game) I would never do in front of coworkers. If for no other reason than, when promotion time comes around, I really don’t want my reviewer thinking about that time I got really drunk and made out with the VP of finance.
I’d like to think that doesn’t make me a prude. Just polite. I guess for my sister, any semblance of etiquette and good taste is really just uptight, prudish behavior. And if that’s the case, so be it.
~~
And for another round of Movies Everyone Else Saw Months Ago, I give you Borat. You know, I actually liked this movie. I think all the buildup of how “offensive” this movie was had me expecting far worse. And yes, there was more unattractive man-nudity that was entirely necessary. But aside from that, I think mostly it made people uncomfortable because it allowed rank and file Americans to lampoon themselves. And I think it mocked things that needed to be mocked. Religions that take place in tents complete with “healings” and evangelical “America is always going to be a Christian nation” declarations (all while conveniently forgetting to love one another, and not judge, but maybe I just dislike religions and so am predisposed to mock) is allowed to be poked fun at. And a trashy rodeo-organizer commenting that they should round up all gays and hang them, really has my disdain coming. Drunken frat boys declaring that women are all bitches who don’t deserve any respect and all the non-white people have all the power in this country really deserve to be shown for what they are.
Mostly, I think it disturbed people because it was pretty honest in it’s portrayal of the rest of the US. And if you don’t think that’s true, it’s time to get out of California for a while and actually listen to Joe Bob the Missouri farmer.
Good lord, I’m on the soapbox today.
In other news, I’m old and my body is falling apart at an alarming rate. My shin splints are back and threatening to break my soul. I’ve officially forgotten how to walk without a limp. So, clearly I should keep running on asphalt 6 days a week. I’m smart. Sometimes…
My only goal was to avoid having a new nickname due to the party (such as Spaz, MakeOut Machine or The Puker). I think I made it out ok. Luckily, I was smart and brought a flask with good whisky. This served two purposes: 1. Avoid paying $7 for a poorly made 3 oz. beverage and 2. Since I only had a limited supply, I barely achieved buzz. So no chance of drunken debauchery.
I mentioned to my sister how I was less than excited watching my drunken coworkers behaving in divorce-causing behavior, she called me a prude. “From what I’ve learned on sitcoms, corporate holiday parties are all about getting drunk and making out with coworkers,” she said. And can I just say, the greatest start to a sentence ever. “From what I’ve learned on sitcoms.” And as we all know, sitcoms are well known for showing the consequences of poor judgment.
Well, I just let that one go in the conversation, but it’s been bothering me. Am I a prude? Not in my private life. But I think this is the difference. I attempt to draw distinct lines between my work life and my home life. I don’t bring work home with me and I try not to bring my private life into the office. Yes, I’ve had a few work friends who have translated into just FRIENDS, but that takes a lot of time. Things that I wouldn’t think twice about doing with my friends, (such as stripping naked and doing a lap around the block for a drinking game) I would never do in front of coworkers. If for no other reason than, when promotion time comes around, I really don’t want my reviewer thinking about that time I got really drunk and made out with the VP of finance.
I’d like to think that doesn’t make me a prude. Just polite. I guess for my sister, any semblance of etiquette and good taste is really just uptight, prudish behavior. And if that’s the case, so be it.
~~
And for another round of Movies Everyone Else Saw Months Ago, I give you Borat. You know, I actually liked this movie. I think all the buildup of how “offensive” this movie was had me expecting far worse. And yes, there was more unattractive man-nudity that was entirely necessary. But aside from that, I think mostly it made people uncomfortable because it allowed rank and file Americans to lampoon themselves. And I think it mocked things that needed to be mocked. Religions that take place in tents complete with “healings” and evangelical “America is always going to be a Christian nation” declarations (all while conveniently forgetting to love one another, and not judge, but maybe I just dislike religions and so am predisposed to mock) is allowed to be poked fun at. And a trashy rodeo-organizer commenting that they should round up all gays and hang them, really has my disdain coming. Drunken frat boys declaring that women are all bitches who don’t deserve any respect and all the non-white people have all the power in this country really deserve to be shown for what they are.
Mostly, I think it disturbed people because it was pretty honest in it’s portrayal of the rest of the US. And if you don’t think that’s true, it’s time to get out of California for a while and actually listen to Joe Bob the Missouri farmer.
Good lord, I’m on the soapbox today.
In other news, I’m old and my body is falling apart at an alarming rate. My shin splints are back and threatening to break my soul. I’ve officially forgotten how to walk without a limp. So, clearly I should keep running on asphalt 6 days a week. I’m smart. Sometimes…
Friday, December 1, 2006
'Tis the season...to be annoyed
Oh, the weekend needs to be here already. I’m ready to fall asleep at my desk. But, there’ll be no rest for the wicked. My weekends are officially booked solid until after Christmas. Such a sad prospect. There’s nothing I like better than to snuggle on the couch and ignore the rest of the world. But, I must fight my inner hermit and be fun and sociable.
I always feel weird loving Xmas the way I do. Why, you might ask? Well, I’m pretty much an atheist. I mostly loathe Christian religions, so it feels weird to get all giddy about the major Christian holiday. But, alas giddy I am. I love getting people gifts, I love people getting me sweet little gifts. I love snuggling around with all my family and friends and just loving each other. I like looking forward to surprises, and reveling in stupid traditions. I love how, outside of shopping, people seem to be nicer to each other, and we’re all more patient. I don’t care what holiday you celebrate, anything that makes people do and say nice things to one another can’t be all bad.
But, if I hear the phrase “war on Christmas” even once this year, I may have to start killing religious asshats. Does the fact that I say “Happy Holidays” really offend you? Really? Since more people in this world DON’T celebrate than DO, let’s just wish people happy times, eh?
And in the greatest turn of irony ever, my dad is the worst one of those types. He makes a big fuckoff deal of saying “Merry Christmas” to everyone, then explaining that he ONLY says “Merry Christmas” and not any other greeting.
Umm, anyone give a rat’s ass? Nope, didn’t think so. How horrified he must be that his daughter sends out HOLIDAY cards, depicting snow, family and revelry, rather than a tree, Jesus, or anything else. If you’re offended, I think I can officially take your name off my card list. Douchebags.
I always feel weird loving Xmas the way I do. Why, you might ask? Well, I’m pretty much an atheist. I mostly loathe Christian religions, so it feels weird to get all giddy about the major Christian holiday. But, alas giddy I am. I love getting people gifts, I love people getting me sweet little gifts. I love snuggling around with all my family and friends and just loving each other. I like looking forward to surprises, and reveling in stupid traditions. I love how, outside of shopping, people seem to be nicer to each other, and we’re all more patient. I don’t care what holiday you celebrate, anything that makes people do and say nice things to one another can’t be all bad.
But, if I hear the phrase “war on Christmas” even once this year, I may have to start killing religious asshats. Does the fact that I say “Happy Holidays” really offend you? Really? Since more people in this world DON’T celebrate than DO, let’s just wish people happy times, eh?
And in the greatest turn of irony ever, my dad is the worst one of those types. He makes a big fuckoff deal of saying “Merry Christmas” to everyone, then explaining that he ONLY says “Merry Christmas” and not any other greeting.
Umm, anyone give a rat’s ass? Nope, didn’t think so. How horrified he must be that his daughter sends out HOLIDAY cards, depicting snow, family and revelry, rather than a tree, Jesus, or anything else. If you’re offended, I think I can officially take your name off my card list. Douchebags.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Tuesday is For Lovers
Ugh. I feel vaguely nauseous. Awesome.
But, other than that things are just delightful. My little sister came down to visit last weekend, and much snuggly girly fun was had by all. I’m always amazed and a little misty over the neat relationship Xtian and my sister share. They are such good buddies, it makes my insides hurt from the cuteness. As Xtian says “I’ve never had a sister, so having a baby sister is fun!” Yeah, again, with the cuteness.
Saturday night we were joined by my brother and his girlfriend, whom we will call Lisa, because that is her name. I’ve met Lisa a few times, and she’s nice enough. Seems a smidge personality-lacking, but whatever. I guess we can’t all be as obnoxiously full of personality as me, right? (Or something…)
But here’s where the annoyance began. I realize they are 20 years old, and being young and in “love” is all well and good. However, I draw the line at under-clothing-groping while in the presence of ANYONE ELSE. I’m not a prude, and I think most PDA is sweet. But, it’s really awkward when your brother and his girlfriend take a shower TOGETHER while other people are home. I could get over their assumption that they would be sleeping in the same bed (I really don’t know how comfortable I am with that, weird.) but the showering and constant PAWING was just beyond the bounds of good taste and manners. I think Sarah said it best, “it sounds like they used your house like a hotel. They just came to have sex.”
So, that’s an awkward conversation that needs to happen. I’d hate to think they would do this at other relatives’ homes. Time for some lessons on being a courteous and polite houseguest.
~~~~
In another note, I’m trying to at least PLAN ahead for Xmas. I was pondering on what to do for some cousins/aunts etc. I’m partial to the “family gift” when it comes to non-immediate relatives (hell, I’d be poor if I bought/made gifts for everyone). I was lamenting that I have no skills/hobbies that lend themselves to making gifts. I can’t sew really, I don’t knit, can only crochet in the most lenient meaning of the word, not very artistic etc. See, nothing really awesome here.
But then I got to thinking. What I can do, is cook.
So, I’m thinking about putting together meals that can be stored in the freezer, then just popped into the oven when you’re not into cooking, or whatever. Kind of like the Chop-Shop does.
I’m asking the Internet now, is this the dumbest idea ever, or is it as cool as I think it might be? Let’s take a poll. Get honest here, if your cousin/niece gave you a fully ready-to-go meal (which would be delicious) for Xmas, would you think it was a good gift, or would it be a “Wow….that’s….neat? I guess?” scenario?
I ran it by my mom who thought it was kind of cool. And she told me that I’m more of a Mormon woman than anyone would ever believe. And I guess it is a little “Jesus Wants Me For a Sunbeam,” but I think I’m ok with that.
So, the polls are open, weigh in, my feelings will not be hurt if you think it’s a little stupid.
But, other than that things are just delightful. My little sister came down to visit last weekend, and much snuggly girly fun was had by all. I’m always amazed and a little misty over the neat relationship Xtian and my sister share. They are such good buddies, it makes my insides hurt from the cuteness. As Xtian says “I’ve never had a sister, so having a baby sister is fun!” Yeah, again, with the cuteness.
Saturday night we were joined by my brother and his girlfriend, whom we will call Lisa, because that is her name. I’ve met Lisa a few times, and she’s nice enough. Seems a smidge personality-lacking, but whatever. I guess we can’t all be as obnoxiously full of personality as me, right? (Or something…)
But here’s where the annoyance began. I realize they are 20 years old, and being young and in “love” is all well and good. However, I draw the line at under-clothing-groping while in the presence of ANYONE ELSE. I’m not a prude, and I think most PDA is sweet. But, it’s really awkward when your brother and his girlfriend take a shower TOGETHER while other people are home. I could get over their assumption that they would be sleeping in the same bed (I really don’t know how comfortable I am with that, weird.) but the showering and constant PAWING was just beyond the bounds of good taste and manners. I think Sarah said it best, “it sounds like they used your house like a hotel. They just came to have sex.”
So, that’s an awkward conversation that needs to happen. I’d hate to think they would do this at other relatives’ homes. Time for some lessons on being a courteous and polite houseguest.
~~~~
In another note, I’m trying to at least PLAN ahead for Xmas. I was pondering on what to do for some cousins/aunts etc. I’m partial to the “family gift” when it comes to non-immediate relatives (hell, I’d be poor if I bought/made gifts for everyone). I was lamenting that I have no skills/hobbies that lend themselves to making gifts. I can’t sew really, I don’t knit, can only crochet in the most lenient meaning of the word, not very artistic etc. See, nothing really awesome here.
But then I got to thinking. What I can do, is cook.
So, I’m thinking about putting together meals that can be stored in the freezer, then just popped into the oven when you’re not into cooking, or whatever. Kind of like the Chop-Shop does.
I’m asking the Internet now, is this the dumbest idea ever, or is it as cool as I think it might be? Let’s take a poll. Get honest here, if your cousin/niece gave you a fully ready-to-go meal (which would be delicious) for Xmas, would you think it was a good gift, or would it be a “Wow….that’s….neat? I guess?” scenario?
I ran it by my mom who thought it was kind of cool. And she told me that I’m more of a Mormon woman than anyone would ever believe. And I guess it is a little “Jesus Wants Me For a Sunbeam,” but I think I’m ok with that.
So, the polls are open, weigh in, my feelings will not be hurt if you think it’s a little stupid.
Wednesday, November 1, 2006
Snippets, Snippets, Who's Got the Snippets?
Oh lord, few things in the world make my ovaries ache more than a 3-year-old dressed as a fairy gloriously reveling in the candy-orgy that is Trick or Treating. Even in my ghetto, we had several groups of Trick or Treaters come to our door. The best part was watching the older kids keep the younger kids in line.
More than once did I hear an older kid chastising a younger kid with “Don’t be greedy, just take ONE!” Or “Say Thank you!” Just too cute!
~~~~~
Why is it clothing never shrinks in a way that makes it fit better? I have a great pair of caramel colored pants, when I bought them, they were perfect in length (at least perfect for wearing with a bit of heel) and a smidge baggier than I liked. So, did they shrink in at all? No, they shrunk UP. So, now I have a pair of pants just shy of the length I like, while still being too baggy in the hip/booty area. Oy.
~~~~
I get Jen time tonight. I can’t wait. Since I live far from all my female relatives, she’s the perfect surrogate sister. Nothing caps off a crappy week and a half like giggly-girlie-girl talk. If ever I thought I didn’t need/want female friends, I wholly take it back.
~~~~
I use Pandora to listen to music while at work. (If you haven’t used or heard of Pandora, just GO THERE.) You choose some songs or bands you like, and it finds other music, along with those you specified, that you might like. I guess it’s a little like Tivo in that respect. After months of adding more music to my list, Pandora’s decided I’m either a 14-year-old girl, or a 25-year-old gay man. Whiny boy music, bitchin’ chick music, and enough booty shaking to mix it up. See, young girl, or gay boy. Almost the same.
I have no idea where this is going. So, let's just move along shall we?
~~~~
And just as I thought I would, I fucked my back up again. This time, I can’t really blame myself though. I woke up at about 4 am with my body in a perfect twist. Hips perpendicular to the bed, back flat on the bed. Just perfect. Yeah, muscle relaxants at work = goodness.
I’m going to succumb to my prescription induced loopiness. Happy Wednesday.
More than once did I hear an older kid chastising a younger kid with “Don’t be greedy, just take ONE!” Or “Say Thank you!” Just too cute!
~~~~~
Why is it clothing never shrinks in a way that makes it fit better? I have a great pair of caramel colored pants, when I bought them, they were perfect in length (at least perfect for wearing with a bit of heel) and a smidge baggier than I liked. So, did they shrink in at all? No, they shrunk UP. So, now I have a pair of pants just shy of the length I like, while still being too baggy in the hip/booty area. Oy.
~~~~
I get Jen time tonight. I can’t wait. Since I live far from all my female relatives, she’s the perfect surrogate sister. Nothing caps off a crappy week and a half like giggly-girlie-girl talk. If ever I thought I didn’t need/want female friends, I wholly take it back.
~~~~
I use Pandora to listen to music while at work. (If you haven’t used or heard of Pandora, just GO THERE.) You choose some songs or bands you like, and it finds other music, along with those you specified, that you might like. I guess it’s a little like Tivo in that respect. After months of adding more music to my list, Pandora’s decided I’m either a 14-year-old girl, or a 25-year-old gay man. Whiny boy music, bitchin’ chick music, and enough booty shaking to mix it up. See, young girl, or gay boy. Almost the same.
I have no idea where this is going. So, let's just move along shall we?
~~~~
And just as I thought I would, I fucked my back up again. This time, I can’t really blame myself though. I woke up at about 4 am with my body in a perfect twist. Hips perpendicular to the bed, back flat on the bed. Just perfect. Yeah, muscle relaxants at work = goodness.
I’m going to succumb to my prescription induced loopiness. Happy Wednesday.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
If you give me any Candy Corn, I'll TP your house, motherf*cker
You know, for the last few years, Halloween has really lost all fun for me. I’m not a big costume person. Rarely do I come up with anything fabulous, and if I do, I almost never get the motivation to put the costume together. Halloween sneaks up on me. It’s like I look at a calendar around October 3rd, and think “Oh yeah, Halloween is coming up. I should figure out a costume.” Then I forget all about it until 10 pm October 30th. I just suck.
As a kid, I loved Halloween because, as you may have realized, I love candy with a passion. And, strangers handing free candy out? Really?!? Sign me up.
But, you hit the teen years, and Halloween is more or less women’s excuse to dress in ways they normally wouldn’t. Oh, yeah, and drinking a lot. But, I learned a long while ago, that I just can’t drink and get to work the next day. I just can’t. I’m old that way.
So, what’s the point, eh? Add Halloween to the list of things that have stopped being fun. OR just add it to the list titled “Ways You Can Tell Coley Is Old and Crotchety.”
Although, I am interested to see what befalls my neighborhood tonight. On a normal day, it’s not uncommon to find crack-smoking-paraphernalia on my stoop. What ghetto-ridiculousness can the crack-heads come up with?
~~~
So, my beautiful lady Sarah mentioned to a colleague of hers that I’d thrown my back out. His response “She should exercise and strengthen those back muscles.” To which Sarah said, “she does.” He replied with a sarcastic, “Sure she does.”
I find it interesting (just for you Sarah), that this person felt comfortable, not only diagnosing the problem, but also questioning my lifestyle and habits. Especially interesting because this person has never met me, spoken to me or seen me in passing. I realize it’s kind of a human foible to try to give advice to those with problems. I realize humans also like to pass judgment on each other, because they would never be stupid/out-of-shape/clumsy/etc to have that problem. But it still irks me. So, a big “FUCK OFF” to that guy.
Speaking of my back, I’m feeling pretty good now. The pain is lessening, and I’ve been sleeping well and moving around enough to keep loose. But, like an ass, this is when I always do something stupid to re-injure myself. For example, this morning, I found myself hoisting a 30 lb Alhambra water bottle onto my shoulder to replace the empty one in the dispenser in the break room. Clearly, I am not to be trusted with my own recovery.
~~~
Ever since I decided and put into writing that I would cut all contact with my MIL, I’ve felt completely unburdened. I’m not angry about the nastiness, I’m not hurt by her behavior, I’m just ok. Sure, she’s crazy, but I don’t have to deal with it at all. I know Xtian is still bothered by it, but I feel pretty great. (This could also being the painkillers and muscle relaxants talking, but screw it, I feel awesome). I guess having a plan really does help, thanks mom!
K, I'm off to find something to do for the next hour or so.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)