Thursday, December 14, 2006

Jingle Bells: seriously shut up.

So, there's a woman who works near my office. She's very strange in ways I can't really describe (always looks frightened in a Large kind of way, talks in really excited tones about things that aren't really exciting at all: such as PAPERCLIPS! and TOAST!). But her most defining characteristic would have to be her walk. It's more of an upper-body forward leaning stomp. Kind of a march with momentum. It's obnoxious to begin with, and today she's added....a freaking jingle bell.


F'ing A is today going to be long.

Can I officially call a moratoriam on clothing or accessories that MAKE NOISE? At least noise I can hear from more than 10 inches away? How precious is this fucking holiday season going to get?


In other news, my MIL (you remember, the psychotic one?) has apparently decided I no longer exist. This is so stupid, I just had to share it.
Yesterday, in the mail was a 2 foot long, 1 foot wide envelope. Xtian took one look and said, "Oh god. It's from my mother." Now in the past, everything we received in the mail from her has been addressed to "Xtian and Coley." This was addressed to Xtian only. So, I started giggling.
Then Xtian opened it, and it's an obnoxiously large Xmas card with some dumbass cartoon character or something on it. Totally weak yet ridiculous.

On the inside some personalized note was scrawled to the effect of, "Xtian, I hope you are having a wonderful season, I *heart* you, Xtian, Mommy" and the preprinted message had the word "family" underlined about 9 times. (I think she just forgot to write "Only Xtian and NOT Coley.")
I consider this the equivalent of being 5 years old, getting mad at, for example, your dad. So, to show your displeasure, you draw a picture of the whole family, except dad. And inscribe it, "I love mommy, and sister, and brother and dog, and parakeet and NOT DAD! Everyone but DAD is good, and fun, but DAD is mean and icky!"
It couldn't have been more juvenile and petty if it had been scrawled in crayon.
I haven't been able to stop laughing since I saw it.

Just amazing.

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