Solidifying my “classiness”

• Rather than saying “I’m taking a pregnancy test,” I say “I’m going to go piss on a stick.”


• Openly picking poppy seeds (seriously, I hate poppyseed-anything, so why did I select a poppy seed bagel this morning? Oh yeah, because I’m clearly bagel-handicapped) out of my teeth while talking to coworkers.


• Last night Xtian asked if I felt like eating what was planned for dinner, or grabbing something quick.
  C: Well, what would you want to pick up for food?
  X: Hmm, Taco Bell?
  C: Oh, you like E. Coli?
  X: E coli is the SHIT!
  C: Literally.

I’m amazing.

So, as of 4:25 am, the second pink line failed to show, so I’m calling it all clear to drink myself mute tonight. Seriously, drinking with the extended family is one of my greatest luxuries. And my step-grandmother owes me a shot of tequila. I’m pretty sure that’s the greatest sentence ever written.


Also, happy 2nd Birthday, to this here exercise in self-indulgence.