Friday, November 23, 2007

Let the Couch Surfing Begin!

I am officially on Maternity Leave! Hurray. Except, now what the hell do I do with myself? And of course, after dodging every illness to beset my coworkers so far this year, I've finally come down with the chest cold of doom. Thanks guys! There's nothing I love more than being sick during my time off of work. Load of ass.

Being that yesterday was Thanksgiving, I really ought to tediously list all the things for which I am grateful. But you know what? I'm going to skip it for a while just because it seems so hackneyed and cliche, and I already worked myself into tears recounting it all yesterday.

So rather than bore everyone with the details, I'll get right into Ridiculous Times With Coley's Family. I love my family, even family members who daily make me grateful I don't actually share any DNA with. But some people in my family need to shut the hell up.

First there's Step Grandma. I had hoped since her "real" grandson was finally here she'd become less annoying somehow. Instead, she repeatedly asked me if I'm ready for my "Christmas baby." At first I didn't quite get it and kept saying, "Well, if it gets to be Christmas, and this kid still hasn't been born, it'd be pretty dangerous." Only that's not what she's concerned with, she's still trying to tell me that I need to have my baby late. This is so old, and so annoying even my mother, she of the saintliness, wanted to smack SG.
Just why does this broad think she has a say in when my kid is born? And why does she care? If she were so concerned about the awkwardness of having a great-grandchild only a few weeks younger than her grandchild? She maybe should have thought about that before getting knocked up by a married man with grown children. Just a thought. A bitchy thought but a thought nonetheless.

Also in the category of People Who Need to Shut The Fuck Up: Uncle Joe. Luckily, again, this guy married into the family, so no shared gene pool. But dude, if this guy made one more shitty comment about the number of girls in our family (it's easily a 3 to 1 ratio girls to boys), I was going to kick him in the crotch. My favorite comment on his own children? (Three daughters before his son). "Three foul balls before we finally hit one fair." Yeah. Asswad.

Furthermore, this guy is The Greatest Expert On Everything! Except he's a freaking idiot. I liked when he tried to give everyone there, my parents included, parenting advice. It makes me pissy and I had to bite my tongue to keep from shouting, "Umm, I think I'll take my parenting advice from someone who DIDN'T have a meth lab in their home with their 4 children. And even more so? I'll go ahead and ignore anything said by the guy who just spent 3 years in prison for drug and child endangerment/abuse charges. Thanks!" But that wouldn't be the christian thing to do, now would it?
Luckily, as a non-christian, I think I probably could have gotten away with it. Damn my sense of etiquette and decorum!

Ok, blogging from home is strange. I don't think I've ever blogged from home. In fact, usually once I'm home, I forget that computers exist at all. I don't check email, I rarely even turn my computer on. So, someone kick me in the ass periodically to remind me to post, eh?

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