Sprinting to the finish, everyday.

Yowza. Time is flying by. I hardly have time to sit down and breathe, let alone write for pleasure. On the plus side, work is awesome. The projects I'm working on are fun, exciting and make me happy to get up in the morning. And that's all I'm allowed to say about them for now.

On the family front, I feel like I'm doing a better job of balancing my family time and my work time. I am leaving work at a decent hour. I am also making it a point to run after work a few days a week. These two things have helped me to have more time at home, and to be in a better mental place once I get there.

The kids are getting into the swing of things as well. Lennox is a charming little lump of giggles. He is getting so big and starting to do things on his own, and he's trying to scootch about already. Meanwhile, he's so chill. He will let me do anything I need to get done, so long as he can sit in his little bouncy chair within sight of me. Warren is working really hard to listen and help. His fit throwing has gotten so much better these days. I don't know if I'm learning better ways to deal with his emotional breakdowns, or if he is just gaining the ability to cope better, but either way, things are so much more pleasant around here these days.

All of which is crucial right now, since Xtian is working incredibly insane hours. At least twice a week he's stuck at work until after 10 pm. Yes, that is rough on everyone. He's tired, I'm overwhelmed by being solo parent all night, and the kids miss him when they go for days without seeing him.

As always, our saving grace, is Cory. The kid just picks up the slack, and steps in when I'm about to lose it in one respect or another. Whether it's distracting Warren, holding Lennox, doing the dishes, or even just chatting with me (oh my god, adult social interaction! Yay!) he's just there, exactly where I need him to be.

The only place that is not settling down is the whole "spending time with your spouse" thing. It's just a lack of TIME. Even on nights he's home at a reasonable hour, by the time we get everything put together, kids fed, bathed and put to bed, and have everything ready for the next day, I'm exhausted and brain fried. So, even when we have an hour to spend together, I'm just DONE. And he's about the same. Even our weekends are discombobulated lately. We each have separate obligations or plans, or are busily trying to get all the household chores or errands done... it's been a little rough.

But, once June is over, we should have a little bit of a break, and can hopefully spend a little leisure time together.
This whole parenting thing, is like being in a constant strategic battle. But at least we're mostly having fun.

Foul-smelling but getting thin.

My entire house smells vaguely like urine and old milk. This is less than pleasant, but when your entire wardrobe is covered in breastmilk there's only so much I can do about it.

Lennox is now a month old, and I'm enjoying this little bug immensely. Warren is still crazy in love with the little guy, which is super endearing. Warren is happiest when he can hug and kiss his "Lemick" and this is fabulous. Slightly less fabulous since Warren's rocking a nasty cold right now, but I can't fault the guy for his intentions.

I'm very pleased to say that I am currently wearing pre-pregnancy jeans. Not just wearing, but wearing comfortably, and the jeans have not even a modicum of stretch to them. So, that's awesome. Right there is one of the best arguments for breastfeeding I can give. 25 pounds, gone in matter of three weeks, without having to limit my food intake or really exercise.

Where the hell am I?

I am in Salt Lake City, Utah today. Work stuff, really early flight, really long day, but it was good and super productive. Work has been kicking my ass in a ton of different ways. All good, getting things done, but long hours, break-neck pace and all that makes for a kind of tired mama.

Warren is killing me with cute these days. He says things and chatters baby-gibberish at you all day long, telling you stories. I keep finding him parked on the couch, surrounding by all the couch cushions reading Mama Do You Love Me? to himself. Except the only part he knows is the word "mama" so he just mutters that to himself while turning pages and making animal sounds. And then I fall down and die from all the cuteness. Cory started school and seems to be enjoying it. He needs to pick up a couple more classes to be considered full-time and keep up the medical insurance through my work, but all the classes have waiting lists. Ridiculous. Hopefully the classes will thin out a bit this week.

Xtian is doing well, likes his job, is having fun with Warren. He has a few friends here in town so he gets to hang out with some dudes fairly often. And slowly but surely the whole "we are having another kid" thing is becoming a reality for him. It took him a while with Warren too. It's just not very real to him until the thing starts moving around enough for him to see and feel. Well, last night this little alien was doing flips so vigorous I kept getting the wind knocked out of me. I think we've got another dancer on our hands here.

All bets are off whether it's a girl or boy. I feel exactly the same as I did with Warren, the thing is super active, but I keep thinking girl. Of course I thought Wu was a girl too. So clearly, I have no idea. Mostly, I'm just looking forward to another tiny squishy baby who will cuddle with me for more than 8 seconds. Warren's very lovey, but he's ready to RUN after a quick hug and kiss.

You know, I honestly didn't bond with Warren right away. Sure, he was cute, and I loved him, but as he gets older and becomes more like a person, I find myself just absolutely smitten with the kid. I miss him when he's been napping for more than an hour. It feels slightly ridiculous, but it's true. I just can't wait to see him as a big brother and how neat that will be to watch him with a new biscuit.

Count it! Two days in a row!

The problem with having a sweet new computer and a bitchin' internet connection is that I never go to bed anymore. Instead, I think "I should probably just check my email" and then I stay up hours later than I meant to. Delightful. Willpower? I have none.

Since Warren took it upon himself to rearrange the keyboard on my laptop, I've been spending a lot of time speaking with employees of ridiculous computer stores. It should be noted, customer service and even just pleasant conversation are both officially dead. If one more person sneers at me for asking a question, I might just start slapping people with whatever office supplies I can lay my hands on.

Suffice to say, I'm no closer to fixing my poor old geriatric computer than I was a week ago. Thanks Warren. I hope eating the pieces you ripped from my computer at least made you a little uncomfortable.

In any event, I'm going to bed.

I am weak

I got promoted at work. It's really great, except all my "free time" is now spent being a "parent" instead of "writing bullshit on the internet." Also, Warren decided to do a little redecorating on my laptop. Now, I have no space bar. So, that's fun.

Also, I have big exciting life news, but I'm not ready to share with work, so I can't share on the internet. Hopefully not too much longer do I have to be super spy.

But the new job is great. It's also a zillion hours a week, but in a really exciting way. I get to write. For a living. And make good money doing it. So, that's a plus and makes me more sure that moving to Sacramento wasn't the worst choice I've ever made.

Meanwhile, Cory got his driver's license, Warren is a big ol' 19 month old who thinks he's a big kid, the cats are mostly ridiculous with the heat (how many days in a row can it really be over 100 degrees? The answer: a million, evidently)

I did spend last weekend with my big sister, my friend Jen and her sister. It was so much fun. I love getting a whole bunch of people you love together, and then they all get along really well. I haven't laughed so hard in forever. And we weren't drinking. I know, I was surprised too!

Also, since my computer is sad and on her last legs, I bought a new computer today. One of Xtian's friends sells computers on ebay, and this is one he got for hella cheap. So now, I have a supersexy touch screen laptop for 1/3 what I had planned to spend. Huzzah!

I miss my internet friends. Though I'm still following everyone via my Google Reader, I just can't comment from it (and work can't give me shit for it, since all my work articles are on it too!). So, I'm still on top of most folks.

Happy times.

what the hell do you do with beets?

If you haven't already, do not rest until you have watched the pilot episode of Glee. It won't be on until the Fall, but seriously just beautiful. Since Scrubs has completely jumped the shark (and they are threatening to come back for another season. They will ruin this show come hell or high water), this will completely take it's place. 90% hilarious, and 10% poignant. And the pilot ends with them singing Journey, so you know this bitch is loving it.

Warren gives kisses these days, which is pretty much the sweetest thing ever. And then he says "thank you." It makes me giggle every time. Also, he's still obsessed with shoes. Mostly high heels, but in a pinch flip flops will do. He carries them all over the house trying to put every shoe on everyone who'll sit still. Creepy? A little. But what little kid isn't a little creepy?

Cory has himself a girlfriend. We've met her a couple of times. She's cute, seems nice, but she's a... vegetarian. She's not even militant, but whenever I spend time with a veg. I'm just certain I'm being judged. Also, I hate having to limit what I cook for dinner. I have a hard enough time making food that we all enjoy, now I have that limitation too? Well, maybe we just won't invite her for dinner. It's kind of funny watching Cory be a total teenager for once. Yesterday, he was on the phone with her from 3:00 pm until after 8. He's so adult and poised all the time, I forget he's still a teenager. And so I get to play big sister and torture him constantly, making awkward condom remarks whenever he's on the phone. I didn't get to do that with my own little brother (bugger never let on when he was dating anyone), so now I'm visiting this on Cory. I'm a horrible person.

Oh, and I have a question for you? How do you like to prepare fresh beets? I've never cooked with them at all, and my CSA box was full of beets last week. So, any suggestions? Please? I'm at a loss.

Right, I swear I'll get back into a regular posting schedule. I've got a million things to say, I just never find the time and motivation concurrently.

What?

Updates:
Warren still refuses to call me Mama. In fact, he has no name for me at all. Uncle Cory is "uncle", Xtian is "Dada" and he makes no reference to me at all. He loves me and comes running whenever he sees me, and all that. I just wonder when he'll figure out that I have a title or a name. Weird little munchkin that he is.

Parenting makes you a dork. It's just true. This is now even more apparent since Warren is having a language explosion. He's learning a few new words a day, which means I have to stop cussing around him. Makes me feel like Ned Flanders when I try to replace "bad words" with nonsense. But, it's either that or I'm that awful parent whose baby is walking around saying "eat my ass, you shithead." And really? I have enough bad parenting points, I don't need to add more.

So, since I really can't write about work anymore (not that there's much to write about, lots of work, some frustration, but mostly good) I'm kind of at a loss for what to write. I desperately don't want to be a "My kid did the cutest thing!" person, but it's just the natural progression of having a small human tethered to you. They absorb every thought and action. It's all about them. Even when you don't want it to be.

But frankly, I'm so madly in love with the little thing, I just can't help myself.

Oh, the bizarre "gated" community I live in (aka, 60 year old duplex that origianally served Military Officer's housing in the middle of f'ing nowhere, but like, an entrance has a gate, so it's a fascist regime)is officially sucking my will to live. Why in the name of jebus would you bother guarding this dump?
But, we're locked into a lease until October. At which time we will (hopefully!) move downtown where there is ANYTHING within walking distance. Seriously, it's over a mile to anything. Need a convenience store? 1.6 miles, on the side of a busy road with no sidewalks. Awesome.

On the plus side, I had a big ass deadline that I never thought I'd make. A few extra hours on the weekend, and I completed 9,000 words two days early. That's right, sometimes I kick ass. Other times I completely suck, so I guess it all evens out.

And that's it for my psychotic, go nowhere update. Happy Wednesday folks!

Well, here I am.

So, Bristol Palin (aka Mrs. Sparkles) had her kitty abortion today. Whew, she's still eating kitten food, so I daresay she's too young to procreate. Of course, we've now removed that option for her.

Meanwhile Warren is being a decidedly whiny little cuss lately. He's still cute and doing neat things, he just whines a lot more. I think we're having a language frustration stage. He whines because he can't tell us what he wants. Whenever he wants something he has words for (like milk, or banana, or daddy etc) he calms right down and when he verbalizes his needs. If he wants something he doesn't have a word for, hold on to your frickin' hat. He will whine your will to live away.

I have a consultation with a tattoo artist tomorrow. I'm finally going to get the ink I've wanted for years now. I'm super excited. I'll be sure to share pictures whenever I have something to share.

And now I'm going to drink some rum and go to bed.

Rough Day

My company shares a building with another company owned by the same person. Technically, they are separate and distinct corporate entities. But we all work together, share resources and see eachother all the time. I work pretty closely with them, as they actually have graphic design resources.

First thing this morning, half their company was let go. Including several of my friends. Cost cutting maneuvers that were necessary, but still it sucks.

On a happy note, Warren has figured out how pockets work. He has taken to storing his phone (an old non-functioning phone Cory found among some old clothes) in his pocket, and periodically whips the phone out, puts it to his head and starts chatting gibberish into it. High-Larious.

In other news, I'm going to be in San Francisco for a couple days next week. WHEEEEE! Should be good times.

Gurgle Gurgle...

Weekend was kind of a bust, in retrospect. And work is kicking my ass this week. I feel like everything is taking twice as long as it should and I'm lucky to get anything done before I have to leave for the day. At this point, I'm putting 6 days worth of work into five days, and still falling behind. But, the big boss gave approval for an intern, so hopefully a few of my more time consuming/mindless tasks can be shoved off onto someone else shortly. Muwahahahaha.

On the plus side, I get to go down to Oakland again this weekend to see my big sister and Kate. Hopefully can sneak in a Friend Jen visit as well. I had so much fun on our last trip. Makes me homesick. I really love Oakland, and while leaving it was the right move for our family, I'm not falling in love with Sacramento yet. But I'm trying to reserve judgment until we can get the hell out of the suburbs. It's just not jiving with my lifestyle. It's too hard to do anything, or go anywhere. Everything involves packing up the car, and driving 30 minutes to go anywhere. Who designed this shithole?

The boys are good, I think Cory is enjoying Manny-hood. Warren is just too much fun these days. He walks around meowing at the cats, and if you tell him not to do something, he shakes his head saying "no no no." He's very into patting people's bellies, which is going to get him into trouble one of these days. For now, however, I'm willing to let him poke my belly chubs (aka "turtle snacks") with glee.

And oh yeah, Xtian killed another cell phone. Still can't figure out how he did it to this one, but a huge crack in his screen has lead to big dark spots on the display. Consequently AT&T has cancelled our account insurance. Nice. My right to pay them $5 a month, then another $56 for a new phone every year has been rescinded. Jerkoffs.
Lordy lordy, this old lady is ready to pass out!

Mmmm. Pajamas and liquor.

Xtian and Cory are off at the King's game, the baby is in bed. I'm drinking rum and watching delightful tv, after gorging myself on crummy chinese food. This day is officially awesome.

How you doing?

Shuffling Along

So, I have some awesome new work projects that are fun. They also validate that the company owner likes me enough that I'm fairly sure she's not planning on firing me in the near future. So, that feels nice.

Cory seems to be enjoying his Manny gig, and Warren's digging it. Seems like it works for the time being. They really enjoy each other, and I love how Warren's developing these days. I like to think all of Cory's goodness and hilarity are rubbing off on the wee sprite.

Christian seems to enjoy his job. Frankly, I don't know if it's the job he likes, or if he's just so relieved to have one he would never dare think anything bad. But he and Cory get to be buddies, and do their guy stuff together. Friday night they'll be going to the Kings game, and I'll be home drinking liquor and watching horrible tv. A delightful time for all.

Right. Off to bed. Have a lovely day, y'all!

Happy Weekend Sighs.

After an iffy start to the weekend, today has been just glorious. Did a little housework, ran a couple of errands, lots of time to bake and hang out with friends and family. Just really good. We've had a lot of hectic weekends around here for a while, so having a day to just lazily get a few things done has been exactly what I needed.

Warren is being particularly charming these days. He's starting to understand what you are saying to him, which is so strange. He can even act out his favorite part of his favorite book on cue. It's pretty awesome. This is when I start thinking, damn, I have GOT to have a dozen of these! But then he'll have a horrible night of sleep or something, and I'll think to myself "I can totally put off having more for a while..."
I love decision making!

They speed time up on weekends, don't they?

I love the Superbowl. Especially when it ends in a way that I find most satisfactory. Like last year's epic defeat of the Patriots, and this year Kurt Warner proving, yet again, that he can't seal the deal.

Another whiplash weekend, Friday afternoon was spent at a number of medical clinics with my brother trying to find out how to get some immediate, non-emergency medical care for someone lacking insurance, then rushing home, cleaning myself up a little and off to dinner at Tex Wasabi's. Just glorious. Saturday the family came over to celebrate my big sister's 30th birthday. Rather than going out, we decided to do a potluck, wherein the birthday girl got to request a dish from each participant. Fried chicken, macaroni and cheese, cakes, pizza... it was all fabulous.

Today was spent in pajamas, watching football, and the food network. I'd say it was just delightful.

Now, we're back into the weekday swing already. Bummer.

Day One: Complete.

So the first day of the new family arrangements went off without a hitch. So far it all worked out pretty well. We need to adjust the evening routine a little so Warren gets more snuggle time with Xtian, but mostly that's because the kid is wrecked and ready for bed by 7 pm.

I hope this works out for everyone, as it's pretty great for me. Not having to deal with out of the house daycare is great, and I like that Warren and Cory are such good buds. But, I also don't want to push it on Cory if he wants to do something else. I mean, until he finds a job elsewhere this is the way it's going to be. I'll be damned if I'm paying for daycare when there's a perfectly capable person at home, but you know, he may not want to do this forever.

We'll see what tomorrow brings. You just never know.....

It's a Captain Kind of night.

Damn it, I'm wrecked. I'm feeling totally run down and drained. I'm good all day, then the second I get home, it's all I can do to sit upright. Clearly, more rum is the answer.

Yeah, I'm way lame these days. But, I challenged myself to write everyday, even if it's complete garbage, so yeah. Never let it be said I backed down from a challenge. That I imposed on myself for no particular reason. hmmm.

Restful weekend: Accomplished!

Ahhhh. Even with a few minor irritations, this weekend was exactly what I needed. I had one community action meeting on Saturday, but aside from that, no commitments, no chores, no nothing. This morning, Warren woke up at 6:30 am, so I took him out to the living room to play while Xtian had himself a well deserved lie in. Warren and I played for a couple of hours, then he passed out cold on my shoulder. Shortly thereafter, Fiddy climbed onto my other shoulder. So, I watched Food Network since I was pinned to the couch anyway. I haven't had a good quiet napping/cuddle with Warren like that for months. It was just delightful. He never sits still these days, so it's rare I get to just sit and smell his baby goodness.

Man, do I want another one. But, we'll need to hold off for a while yet. Got to get some jobs and finances back on track (surprisingly, not that off-track so far *knock wood*) and my health insurance has to kick in before I can start thinking about that.

But, I just took a steaming hot bath and am ready to climb into bed at 8:30 on a Sunday night. Everything is all ready for me tomorrow, and it's time for another whiplash week!

Hope everyone else's weekend was exactly what they needed it to be.

Just some randomness for your Monday.

A few wonderful things from this weekend:

• Soft launch of Cory's restaurant's dinner. Which meant, 1/2 price sushi. Really, really good sushi.
• Farmer's market and the resulting champagne grapes and purple bell peppers
• Pizza making party with two siblings, two sib-in-laws, and one wonderful friend
• A baby who has finally stopped wanting to be fed in the middle of the night
• Getting to sleep in my own durned bed, with my own durned husband after three weeks alone on the couch
• My baby finally called me "Mama"

It is officially fall, and I'm sad to see summer go. Not that we do much differently around these parts, but you know the IDEA of summer is just so appealing. However, fall means I get to: cook soup at least 3 nights a week, not feel badly about heating up the house by cooking , rededicate myself to becoming a better baker and start realizing that holy shit my kid is going to have a birthday in a few months.

And like every fall, I begin looking at my wardrobe and wondering, "What the hell did I wear last year and the year before when it started getting cold?" Because, I'll be darned if I have more than one sweater or pair of wool pants. What? Is there a little monster who eats winter clothing every March? I know I'm not the only one who does this every year.

I went to lunch with a very pregnant former coworker last week. We had a delightful time dishing about baby-related things and pregnant-related things. And would you think me mentally deranged if I told you that all I could think about was, "Damn it, I want another baby"? It does make me sick, doesn't it? I was worried about that.

When I started talking to Xtian about future child(ren) he immediately started hyperventilating because, WHERE would we put another person in our house? Currently four humans are dwelling in what can only be described as one and a half bedrooms. Cory's room barely fits the futon he sleeps on (and to get it inside the room, it has to be dismantled). Xtian, Warren and I share our almost normal sized bedroom, but you have to walk through it to get from the living room to the kitchen or bathroom, or anywhere in the house that isn't the living room. (It's a jacked up floor plan).

So, I guess I shouldn't bring up more kids until we have a little more room, eh?

Lalalalala

Weekend? Glorious.
Friday night was delightful food and staying up way too late watching Dexter. (Seriously? Need to finish this season in order to get anything done. Ridiculously addictive). In our house Friday nights aren't really weekends, since Xtian goes to work at 3:30 am on Saturday mornings. I really look forward to a random day in the near-distant future when that won't be the case anymore. *sigh*

Saturday morning Sarah came over before her all day date. We threw the kid in the car and ran down to the Farmer's Market to load up on tasties. Oh my god. The teensy little grapes were like candy. Unfortunately for me, I told the boys about the grapes before eating any. I turned around and there were two grapes left. Note to self: next time, get two bunches and save one for ME!

The rest of the weekend was pretty mellow, which is what we all needed. The last few weeks we've been going 24/7 and that makes Warren sleep like shit. Which means we all sleep like shit. Need to find a little better balance between the fun I want to have and the rest we all need.

Xtian's Crazy Mom called this weekend. He didn't pick up, but it caused me to ask him when he last spoke her. Turns out, her birthday was Saturday (whoops, out of sight out of mind, eh?) and he'd called to say "Happy Birthday" and had mailed her a little gift. I kind of rolled my eyes, but I didn't say anything. My gut reaction was to scream, "YOU DARED SPEND OUR MONEY ON SOMETHING FOR THAT HORRIBLE WOMAN?!?!?!" But I kept it in, and gritted my teeth. I don't really understand Xtian's guilty need to keep her in his life in some form or another. But then, my mother isn't a mentally ill bitch who treats her children horribly. I have some family members I choose to not deal with until I'm forced to, but none that close in relation. I know it's hard for him, so I'm trying to not make anything harder by being mean about it. But damn, I just want to shake him and yell "She's horrible! She says horrible things to and about you, me, your brother, everyone!" But it doesn't change his guilt, or make his burden any less.

Damn, being a supportive person is really a lot of work some days.

Oh, and since I stopped going to the gym, and started running outside again, I've actually improved my running ability. Imagine that. But why, oh why do men in my neighborhood think that my running is an invitation to say demeaning things to me? And no, I'm not wearing skintight running gear, or anything that invites comment. White t-shirt, black sweats, ear phones in place. Clearly, a sign I'm interested in your commentary.

Oh and lessons learned this weekend:
1. Rum is delicious and makes a crappy week fade into distant memory
2. Warren is the biggest flirt in the world
3. Fried chicken still the single tastiest food product you can find

I'm Wearing my Cranky Pants.

I have a thousand little piss-ant tasks at work today. I love it when my VP randomly decides to get involved. 95 % of the time she's perfectly content to either pretend my department doesn't exist, or that she doesn't actually have a job at all. In fact, when I think to myself, "I wonder if VP is coming in today?" I usually assume she's not. And I'm right more often than I'm wrong.
But the other 5% of the time, she gets a bug in her ear and decides it's time to make some changes! Problem being, she has no idea what I do, how I do it, or why either of those things should matter. Better yet, she has no concept of the basic principles of design, writing, selling, or any other part of the AD/PR world. But she sure thinks she does. Like when she decides that something on the home page of our website needs to "stand out more," so we should use 12 different type-faces. *shudder* But, I'm just the graphics/content monkey, so I'll do what she wants and conveniently leave the site out of my portfolio.

Last week I was having a hard time. I was tired, and angry and I really needed a day off. Especially knowing that the weekend would be anything but restful. I talked to my boss who told me that it wasn't possible, since we needed "coverage" for our department. Which means he wanted to leave early...again.
Dude. Our "department" consists of two people. There are going to be times that we both aren't here. And since you're the guy with the "Director" title, you are the emergency contact. I don't get paid enough to give out my contact numbers. So, why the sudden desire to have "coverage?" Hell if I know. What I do know, is that I'm being lectured about wanting to take a personal day, using MY off time, from the guy who hasn't been here past 2 pm in two weeks. Dude, bite me.

A few weeks ago, I wanted to take a half day since my oldest friend was in town with her mother. They were only stopping through, and had a couple of hours to spare for lunch. We've known each other since pre-school, and her parents were my surrogate parents since we were 4 years old. Her mother has never even met Warren. I explained the situation to my boss, and he said it wasn't possible. He needed to leave early for a "doctor's appointment" and someone had to be here. I was miffed, but I understood. I stopped understanding when I realized that his "appointment" wasn't an appointment at all. He was going to do a walk-in, and he left 40 minutes before I did. Totally bogus.

Not that my boss is a bad guy, or even doing anything out of line. He's the boss. He's allowed to make those calls. And I really enjoy working with him. But that doesn't mean I can't bitch a little about the parts that bug me. Mostly, I'm just cranky. So, no time off for Coley. But really, I think that might actually punish him more than me, since I haven't exactly been a laugh riot lately. So, yeah, deny my requests for time off all you want. You are the one who has to work with me and my grouchy ass.