See if you can follow my crappy logic.

My body is unbelievably sore. I blame my jerkoff coworkers. (Please note, not all of my coworkers. Just the coworker who are jerkoffs. Subtle difference.) Because they whined about my schedule, I now have to stay in the office 30 minutes later. Which means I spend an extra 15 minutes in traffic, which means that instead of beating the crowds to the gym, I get there JUST AFTER everyone else. So, instead of getting to use the equipment that doesn't destroy my old-before-their-time hips and knees, I was stuck with the plain old treadmill. Which in order to work up a proper sweat, I had to actually run on. Which lead to my knees swelling and my hips aching.
Thus, my entire body has been wracked with ouchiness for two days. Suck it.

And, also because of my later schedule, I won't be able to go to they gym today. I have guests coming over this evening, and I wouldn't be able to work out, shower and dress in time to actually spend time with my guests. It was hard enough to get to the gym before, now it's damned near impossible. And this bitch wants to wear some pre-pregnancy clothes already.

And you know, I can zip up most of my pre-pregnancy pants, which is super exciting. The only thing standing in my way? Huge amounts of loose skin. Empty folds of nastiness that will create a muffin top with any pair of pants snug enough to stay on my ass. Seriously. Just...icky.
I'm trying to be patient. I'm trying to tell myself that it took 10 months (or more) for my body to turn into this, I should give myself that same amount of time to recover. Except, no. No no no. This is gross. I think I'd almost rather just be really fat than have this deflated inner tube hanging off my midsection. And yes, I know it's gross. But I'm going to tell you all about it because...well, because I can. Also disgusting: stretch marks. Stretch marks covering the empty sack that is my belly. Feeling sexy just thinking about it, aren't you?