Friday, March 7, 2008

One week down, infinity to go!

So, the first full week back at work is nearing its close. So far, it was ok. I definitely feel ok about returning to work, although I do miss my snugglebug.
Warren's first day in daycare, he was feeling insecure, and it showed in his eating habits.
19 ounces of milk over the course of 9 hours. Not to mention the 6 or so ounces I fed him in the morning. Holy crap! If he keeps going like that, I'll NEVER be able to pump enough to feed him. We'll see how much he ate today to see if it's going down, or if I should just permanently attach the pump and spend the rest of my life with bruised nipples.

Ok, so some things about pumping at the office are just awkward. Like having to wash the pump equipment a few times a day. I use the kitchen/break room as it has a sink with hot water and dish soap. But then there are dozens of people around. And I have a hard time making small talk while washing the equipment that I attach to my tits to suck milk out. It's just outside my comfort zone, you know?

This weekend we'll be going to Chico for a wedding reception. The lovely couple got married on New Year's Eve in Hawaii. I just adore these people, and the reception should be chock full of Xtian's friends, whom I mostly like. However, it occurred to me a few days ago that the bride's high school friends would most likely be there as well. Which includes a girl whom I will call M. M was part of our little group during my senior year, which I spent at the local community college. She is the queen of the backhanded compliment. I've always felt really insecure next to her, and she is completely obsessed with looks, especially weight. And after having had a baby 11 weeks ago, my body is not exactly at its most attractive. I just really would like to avoid being told how fat I am in her special way.

The stupid thing is, I know that looks are all she has, and those aren't even all that great (I know, bitchy, aren't I?). From secondhand reports, I hear she isn't really doing anything with her life, I don't think she's even finished school, her mom had to move out from under her since M wouldn't move out. I'm sure she's probably alienated most of her friends by now, so I can't imagine she's got many left. Whereas, frankly, I've got pretty much everything I wanted to get out of life. I have a wonderful life partner, a GORGEOUS kid, a job that while not challenging is in my field of study and pays the bills pretty comfortably, a wonderful relationship with my family and the most amazing friends imaginable. So, why am I still afraid of what this girl thinks of me?

High school insecurity and need for approval are hard to shake. I know, I'm getting myself all worked up, and odds are, it won't even be a big deal. But it's the way I work, people.

Right, off. Hey, Fridays mean something to me again! Hurray for having to know what day of the week it is!

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