Of Babies and Wedding Gifts.

I think Warren is trying to kill us all. (People who don't give a crap what my kid does, go ahead and skip ahead, I'll let you know when we're done here). Up until a week ago:
Warren went down to sleep with about 1 minute of whining, but would wake up about once or twice a night. I don't think he was actually hungry, but more out of habit and nursing as a way of going back to sleep. Generally, we put him down by 7 pm, and had to get him up at 6:15 am. (Yes, I have to wake my sleeping baby to get him to daycare in time for me to get to work on time.)

So, in an effort to break the wake up habit, Xtian and I employed a method that has been successful in the past. It's pretty simple, I sleep on the couch, so when Warren wakes up the milk-machine isn't even there, so he goes back to sleep. Eventually, he'll stop waking up all together since the payoff isn't there.

The last time we did this was right around the 4 month sleep regression. After a week, he was all good and regularly sleeping through the night again. (He started sleeping 11 hours at a stretch at seven weeks old after a night spent in my sister's room. Kat is magic.) Then there was teething, then vacation, then crawling, then daycare changes all of which disrupted our rhythm and left him needing the comfort.

So, here we are and after a week of our lazy brand of sleep training. Last night Warren didn't finally go and stay asleep until 11 pm. And then he awoke at 6 am. So, I guess technically he slept through the night, but getting 4 hours less sleep in a night. Awesome. I kind of want to punch the kid in the face when he pulls tricks like this. The kid just couldn't stop crawling. All he wanted to do was scoot around on the floor and get into mischief. As my sister pointed out to me, this is when the kid starts to prove that I am, in fact, his mama. My stubborn "I've got stuff to do, get out of my way" attitude is alive and well in the next generation. Fantastic. That's what the world needs, another ME running around.

So, we'll see how tonight goes. For Xtian's sake, I hope it goes well. While Warren can sleep in until 6, the rest of us are up by 4 am. And since Xtian drives for a living, 5 hours of sleep is not enough. I cringe to think if I had to spend 10 hours behind the wheel with only a few hours of sleep.

Ok, non-kid people, now's the time to rejoin us. Sorry to bore you with tales of things my kid does. I have officially lost 50 pounds since the end of pregnancy. That sounds more impressive than it is. At least 35 of those pounds were gone by the end of January. Which means it took me six months to lose 15 pounds. I'm awesome. I blame this all on Xtian. I'm not really sure how I can blame Xtian, but it's just got to be his fault, somehow. I'll work on that theory.
If I can take off another 20 pounds, I'll be pleased as punch. (For those who might worry, don't. Even with another 20 pounds, that still leaves me on the heaviest "Normal" weight for my body, so says all the BMI measuring things anyhow).

I can now officially wear, not just zip up, actually wear in public everything in my closet. That's mostly due to my throwing out all my old clothes, but still. I'm taking credit for it. Maybe some day I'll go into the basement, and actually be able to put on my OLD clothes with size numbers not in the double digits. But probably not. (Durned pregnancy and the havoc it wreaks on your hip width).

This weekend we'll be attending Xtian's friend's wedding. Should be delightful, I just love the groom. But I just went and looked at their gift registry. Wow. There are officially 10 items on the list for under $100 adn they've all been purchased already. Everything else is anywhere from $200-$500 per item. And there is no furniture on there. Dear lord, why oh why do they need $5,000 worth of dishes? And then register for a couple sets of "Casual China" on top of it?
I fully expect to be invited for dinner parties on a monthly basis. Also, why do you purchase sheets that cost over $125 per sheet...that's singular, not a sheet set... ONE SHEET. To quote my sister, "So, do you just kill yourself when you get your period on a $125 sheet?" And they want several sets of them. ACK!

Clearly, when I got married, I didn't do this right at all. Look. It's ok to want nice things, and it looks like people are buying them. But keep in mind who your friends are, and that they too will be buying these gifts. The groom's friends are all broke. So, register for a bunch of cheap things so at least they can buy you something and not have to feel like jerks. I'm not saying DON'T register for that $500 duvet. But maybe also register for... a $20 toaster. Hell, I thought I'd go cheap and buy some towels or wash cloths. NOPE. $43 per towel, $26 per wash cloth. Yeah. I think I'll buy them one wash cloth, Happy Wedding Day! I would just give cash, but we really can't afford to part with enough cash to make a decent gift. So, I usually just buy a few cheapo items and then it doesn't look so chintzy. Thank god for sales, we bought two pillows for $19. Whew!

On the plus side, a registry like that demands a fancy pants wedding. I swear to you now, if there's not an open bar with top shelf liquor, I'm demanding a refund. Ok, maybe I'll just make snarky comments afterward, but you get the drift. I can only describe this registry with the word "ostentatious", I'm fairly certain it's not the groom's doing. He's just not that type, or hasn't been when I've spent time with him. And it makes me think negatively of the bride, whom I've not met. To give the benefit of the doubt, she may just be a darling girl, and her parents are encouraging her to put all these unbelievable things on their gift list. But in my head, she's becoming a bit of a villain. Or at least a materialistic brat. I know, it's not very nice of me, and I'm trying to keep an open mind, but sheesh. Not easy.

No cohesive thoughts here.

There must be something in the water, every time I have left the house for the last few days, a dimwitted driver has tried to kill me. Either by changing lanes directly at my car (dude, I can make eye contact with you, you should probably be able to see that my car is already in this lane), or by slamming their brakes so hard, I barely have enough time to react and change lanes to get around them (and, no I was not tailgating). I think we're all becoming worse drivers. This is exactly the reason we should have a behind-the-wheel driver's test at least every two years. At least remind folks of what good driving looks like. Sheesh.

The asshattery abounds is what I'm saying.

Oh, so a few gossipy notes about the wedding I attended last weekend. The Snitch was there, complete with booze breath (like a barroom floor), and a boyfriend who looks like an Italian mafia guy, with a white man's afro, and teeth so bad it looks like someone threw them into his mouth. Just awful.
It's always kind of fun watching coworkers, especially upper management types, drink far too much, then making their dates squirm by asking them pointed questions. Personally, I tend to get tipsy and start telling people about Steak and BJ Day. (If you don't know what or when it is, google it. Seriously).
But that's about it from the wedding. I think there was more to it, but this lady drank a ton of champagne, and it's been a few days, so the hilarity has faded.

In other news, Operation: De-Fatten my Ass is going pretty well. I've not been too obsessive about calorie counting (at least on the weekends), and I've been losing at a steady pace. In fact, I actually was able to zip up a pair of pre-pregnancy jeans. Granted, I had a muffin top you wouldn't believe, but that was mostly from the loose belly skin issue.
Ladies who've had babies, when does the loose skin go away? It's been forever, and it's still mostly all there, just emptier. Oh, god. Is this how people end up with stomachs that look like basset hounds' faces? If you have a C-Section, why can't they just cut out some of the fat and loose skin at the same time? Hell, I'll pay extra for that! This is a service hospitals should be providing. I'm going to petition my doctor.

Ok, that's it for random shit for the day. Happy Thursday y'all. We're just shy of magnificence.

Recap, to beat the band

Ok, we'll do this chronologically, since I'm too lazy to put any narrative arc in here. I ended up leaving work around noon on Friday. I'm SO glad I did, as I only received ONE email for the rest of the day, and it had nothing to do with me. Nothing was missed at all. Instead of working, I went to the gym and had a nice long workout. I couldn't manage to get any kind of a sweat going though, and that was weird. Must have been dehydrated or something.
I opted not to pick Warren up from daycare, and made brownies for my friend who's in the hospital. (Yes, I brought brownies to a diabetic, that makes me an asshole. But whatever, it's what she wanted). We had tacos and guacamole for dinner, and it was decidedly awesome. I've come to the conclusion that guacamole is the perfect food. I'm pretty sure I could eat it every single day and never become bored of it. *sigh*

Warren let me sleep in on Saturday, so by the time I got up, I had to rush to clean the house and get him bathed and make it to Walnut Creek to meet Jen and her man-friend so we could all go visit my friend in the hospital. (Whose name is also Jen. Of Course it is.) She looked so much better than she has for months. She's eating pretty regularly, and putting some much needed weight back on. She got to hold Warren until he started fussing at the strangers.
The funny part was, Jen's man-friend was able to hold Warren for a really long time, and Warren never fussed! He's a guys guy apparently. It was pretty sweet.

We got home from the hospital in time to finish cleaning the house, then get dressed for a wedding. I discovered that the dress I was so pleased with the weekend before, was a size too big, which wasn't so bad, except the neckline was SO low that the extra size made it obscene. Especially when you've got breastfeeding boobs sticking way out on your chest. But the wedding was fun, I drank a ton of champagne and felt excellent the next day. Which is a big step for me since I've been getting nasty headaches no matter how little I drink.

I spent a few hours on Sunday beating my garden into submission. I hadn't been able to do any gardening last year since pregnant ladies and pesticides/cat shit don't mix well. I think one more day of work and it'll be pretty usable again. I'm so looking forward to having my own herbs and veggies to use again. I really hate buying fresh herbs, since they always go bad before I can use them all.

Xtian took Warren off my hands for a bit on Monday so I could lay in bed and read for a few hours, completely uninterrupted! I haven't done that since before Warren was born, and it was...Awesome. Just fantastic. I could go for some more of that. In fact, I only got out of bed because it was time to start making dinner.

And now it's back to the grind. I'm trying to occupy my mind with work and not on Warren's doctor's appointments next week. How does one do a CT Scan on a five month old? How do you get them to hold still long enough? But my mom and sister are coming down for the appointment to offer some support. Which is good, I need more people in the room to hear what the doctor's say. Since I tend to hear one scary thing, fixate, and miss everything else. At least we'll finally know what the plan is...I hope.
I've been holding off making any plans for the rest of the year since I have no idea what will be going on. If he needs surgery, and recovery time, when things will happen...I hate being absolutely clueless.
But, my gut feeling is, he's going to need the surgery. His head is just looking less and less normal as time goes on. And yes, I'm being hyper aware, but that doesn't mean the problems aren't there.

You know, I'm pretty into doing research, and reading every baby related piece of information that comes my way. I've researched all the common and not so common things that go on with babies. And I've never heard of craniosynostosis before. But now, everything I've found on it mentions that it's fairly common. Like 1/2000 kids. If it's really that common, WHY HAVE I NEVER HEARD OF IT? Is this one of those things that parents just don't talk about? Fuck, people, get the personal experiences out, already!

Ok, superlong, boring ass update...complete. Maybe some fun stuff another time. I'm exhausted.

Turns out, babies cry sometimes.

We spent this last weekend in Chico attending a delightful wedding. Wonderful couple, good food, and frozen margarita dispensers. Does it get any better? Although! All the kids at the wedding thought the margaritas were slurpees, and kept trying to drink them. I kept awkwardly telling their parents, "Umm! That's a margarita!" And hoping they got the idea. But really, wouldn't a bunch of drunk 6 year olds be kind of funny? I mean, not if their YOUR kids or anything...

The only crummy part, Warren was a total butt. As soon as we got to the wedding, he started wimpering. He wouldn't let anyone near him, least of all me. He only wanted Xtian. Which made me feel like absolute shit, but at least Xtian was able to calm him down. I'm usually just fine not being the primary care giver. But as the food source, I'm used to at least being able to comfort him with some boob-time. Saturday, though, he wasn't having it. Nothing advertises that you're a crummy mama like your kid screaming when he gets near you.

I know, he was overwhelmed and not feeling very good. But I hate when people see him during his first bad day in a long time and that's their only impression of him. For some reason I'm really bothered by people thinking he's a whiny kid, or a crier. Because he's SO not, and I just want folks to see him how I usually do: the happiest baby that ever was. Damn.

So, doctor's appointment and CT scan are scheduled for June 2. I will be doing my best not to FREAK THE FUCK OUT in the meantime.

So, in order to not obsess over the actual issue, I've been driving myself crazy trying to figure out how to tell the extended family about the cranio-fun. Don't get me wrong, most of my family members are the most supportive wonderful people in the world. But there are a few who are just pretty awful. And I'm wholly expecting a lot of "Well, what did YOU do wrong?" comments from the terrible folks. As though I'm not running over that shit in my head 100 times a day. I don't need it from other people, I'm quite good at blaming myself for things over which I have no control.

But I also can't keep it a secret, nor do I want to. But damn, am I not looking forward to judgmental garbage being thrown at me, or worse, behind my back.

It's fun to be in my head, bouncing from one freak out to the next.

Ugh. Tuesday.

I finally got freaked out enough to call the cranio-facial specialists. No easy task since they are a specialty group, and clearly don't have a phone number published anywhere I can find it. But, a few phone calls, and I have the information I'm looking for.
They didn't even get Warren's file and referral until 11:24 pm on Friday night. So, today is the earliest they would have even looked at it. From here, they'll figure out what tests need to be done, set those up with me, and after all the lab/imaging work is done, then we'll see the specialists. I should have some stuff scheduled this week. Which is good, since everything I read about this thing says TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE! So far, I've avoided looking at any surgery, pre or post, pictures available. From what I've read the swelling and bruising is pretty horrific, and sometimes involves the kid wearing a helmet until their a year old. And that part freaks me out a lot. The only thing most people want for a kid this little is a carefree experience where they get to learn and grow and explore like any other kid. And when there's a kid in a helmet, they are the weird kid. It's not nice, but it's true. And I really don't want Warren to be treated any differently by anyone.

For better or for worse, I've decided not to tell the extended family about this yet. My parents know, and my siblings know (and I guess the whole internet, but whatever) but I don't really want to tell EVERYONE until we have a better idea of what will have to happen. So, if anyone reading this knows my family at all, keep it zipped, eh?

I'm really glad we'll be heading up to Chico this weekend. After the last couple weeks, I could do with some family time. It'll be great to not have to be the emotional caretaker for everyone for a few days. And even better, we're going to a wedding. I love weddings. And this is even better, it's for old people! (Well, old like, as in over 50). My mom's best friend from middle school is marrying the man she dated in high school. (They dated in high school, broke up, each married other people, subsequently got divorced, then reconnected a few years ago, hundreds of miles from where they lived, started dating, and now are getting married. I just love their story!) Older people weddings are so much nicer and more fun than 20/30 something weddings. There's less pressure, it's not about being the social event of the year, it's just about two people celebrating their love with all their friends. I just love it.
Also, my mom mentioned to me that the first time the woman got married, I was a new baby. Now the second time she gets married, I HAVE the new baby. Kind of fun, the little life cycles.

I hate Tuesdays worse than Mondays. Is this week over yet? Because I'm tired and cranky. Would it be totally inappropriate to take a muscle relaxer and just drift through the rest of today?
Probably. Damn it.

Weekends need to be 5 days long.

Just like I expected, I got all lathered up, and then M wasn't even at the reception. Phew! It was a lovely event, full of great people. Warren was a model citizen, and didn't get fussy even after being held by the 20th new person of the day. Seriously, I'm at a loss as to why he's such a good kid. He's killing me with the cuteness the last few weeks. I may have to cover him in butter and honey and devour his face.

Like a jackass, since we had grandparents to babysit, I decided we were going out! And to further secure my jackass status, I stayed out until 4 am. You know the thing about babies? They don't care it's a weekend. They still get up with the sun. So, I sacrificed sleep for a night, and then still skimped on sleep last night. So, I'm a bit of a zombie. But that is not keeping me from getting to the gym tonight. I gave myself last week off the gym so I could deal with the job, and daycare without making myself insane. But if I'm to drop the other 40 pounds I've been meaning to lose for a couple years now...I'd better get it together.

The sucky thing about weekends is, they end. I kind of forgot about that. Blech. Time to write some loan disclosures. Just living the dream, people. Just living the dream.

Wedding Recap

Executive Summary:
Overall the wedding was just fine. I spent too much time having to beg people to do what they were supposed to do. (You know like, “Ok, time to walk down the aisle. First bridesmaid, go. Now. GO NOW! NOW! Yes, right now.”) And by the end of the day I was feeling really taken advantage of, and not very nice. But the bride and groom had a good time, Step Grandma only had to be talked to a couple of times, and overall no one really noticed all the places where all hell broke loose. So, I did my job. Unfortunately, now everyone in the family has asked that I help with upcoming events/future weddings. I think my fees need to be in the $200/hr range to make it worthwhile.

I was definitely reminded why I did not go into the Event Planning business. Bitches is crazy.


Assorted Highlights:

• I threatened to punch a 10-year old. (He totally had it coming)
• The groom’s sister went into labor, complete with her water breaking during the reception, as the cake was being cut. (This would be her 6th child by three different men. All children were there; none of them knew how to behave.)
• Only one person who said they would, showed up to set up. That’s of the 10 who volunteered. If not for my other aunt, and my mom and dad, this wedding would not have happened. Or at the very least, we would have all had to stand while it happened.
• Guests started arriving at 12:30. The wedding started at 2. This is far more rude than showing up late.
• The groomsmen’s respective girlfriends (who were not in the wedding) threatened to kick the bridesmaids’ collective asses because they “linked arms while walking down the aisle.” This apparently necessitated a large parking lot scene wherein cops were nearly called.

In Depth Analysis:
I awoke on Saturday morning at 5:30 am, running through my to-do list in my sleep. My parents and sister all stayed with us the night before, so we all got up, dressed and to the wedding site at 9:30 am. My aunt (not the one getting married) was the only other person who showed up when they said they would. By 11:20, we had all tables and chairs set up, and a good sense of how the event would flow. The centerpieces, linens, favors etc arrived way late in the trunk of my grandfather’s car (only an hour late!)

The groom and his groomsmen got to the site just in time to unload the beverages. Then drink the beverages. Then decided that they needed to go get food. And drove 30 miles of busy-ass freeway away. So, while they originally arrived between 11 and 11:30, they still all almost missed the wedding.

Step Grandma in her infinite wisdom decided NOT to hold a rehearsal, because she didn’t want to do a rehearsal dinner. I thought this was RETARDED but not my call to make. I scheduled a quick run-through of the wedding for noon. The bride got there at 12:45. Excellent. The groom and his groomsmen did not arrive back until 1:35. Even better.

So, no rehearsal, no pictures before the ceremony. The caterer was told that I was the wedding planner; so all questions should go my way. Fine, but sometimes it would be helpful if ANYONE HAD COMMUNICATED ANYTHING TO ME! I was unaware of several factors: the time food was to be served, what was being served, when/if the toast would happen, who was in charge of distributing glasses and champagne, and several more things I’ve blocked out. I was already annoyed.

While trying to bullshit together the flow of the ceremony, and figure out why NO ONE thought to bring matches or candle holders to a ceremony that revolved around unity candles, I also got to wrangle the 30 or so guests who arrived at 12:30, and expected to be entertained and refreshed. This is highly fucked up. People, I know it’s hard to time everything out perfectly. And I’m glad people thought ahead and allowed extra time in case traffic sucked. However, you are never, and I mean no exceptions, never allowed to show up and hour and a half before the event. Drive around, find a bookstore, hang out in the parking lot, whatever. Just don’t get in the way and start DRINKING before the event has begun. It’s low class, and rude.

So, we had a flower girl who was very shy and no one had told her what she would be doing, so that took a lot of convincing. I quite literally had to shove the bridesmaids and groomsmen out of the house to get them walking down the aisle. Then, I had to yell at the bride and her father to GET THEIR ASSES WALKING! (There was almost a two-minute gap between the last bridesmaid and the bride. Awkward). I mean, have these people never seen a wedding? Even on tv? I thought this was all pretty basic. First you go, then she goes, then she goes. Then the bride goes. No, don’t stop walking until you reach the altar. No, you can’t sit down after that.

So, I missed half the ceremony while sorting out the caterers, and organizing the wedding party, Sheesh. I think most people there assumed I was a paid wedding planner, NOT a family member, and kept looking at me funny every time I tried to sit during the ceremony, or eat the meal. It was kind of strange. I’m sure everyone thought I was the worst wedding planner ever.

About halfway through the reception, I caught Step Grandma lecturing the groom about him drinking. So, I grabbed the groom, shoved him the other direction, and promptly told SG, “Leave him alone. Let him enjoy his day. Aunt can drive, since she’s not drinking. Get off his back, now.” And that seemed to do the trick.

I did get several apologies from SG over the course of the day, but by that point, I didn’t want to hear it anymore. If you knew you were saying mean hateful things, why didn’t you just stop? Saying you’re sorry now doesn’t mean shit. You still walked all over me for two months.

I kept asking the bridesmaids and groomsmen to help with things, they would all nod and say, “ok” then ignore me for the rest of the day. They did not do one fucking thing to help. They showed up, ate the food, drank the beer, smoked EVERYWHERE and never raised a finger to help anyone. And on top of everything else, they complained about things. Little things, but with a group as useless as they were, who couldn’t do anything to help while their “dearest friends” got married, it was more than I could take. I didn’t yell at them, that would have really hurt the bride and groom, but I think my eyerolling got the point across just as well.

I was ready to leave by 4 pm, but couldn’t since the music had to leave with me. So, I toughed it out until about 6, then I just couldn’t deal anymore, and most everything had been torn down and put away. (Speaking of which, what is with people my age watching everyone else helping to move chairs, and not helping? Like, we were employees and their job was to just stand there and drink? I kind of hate people my age right now.) So, I was home, fed and passed out cold by 7 pm. I woke up at 8 am. It was glorious. I spent the last two days sitting on my ass, letting Xtian take care of me. Of course, now he needs a vacation, but that’s what he gets for marrying me.

So, that’s the long-winded retelling of the wedding day. Enjoy. I’m still tired.