And the verdict is.....

NORMAL NORMAL NORMAL NORMAL NORMAL!
No surgery, no helmet, nothing. CT Scans show that he's absolutely perfectly in range for his age. No "keep an eye on it", no follow up. Nothing.

I'm so relieved, I'm almost numb. My baby is perfect, and my whole family can breathe again.

Thanks to all my folks who have been so supportive and offered so many kind words and thoughts. On the verge of tears from the relief.

Recap, to beat the band

Ok, we'll do this chronologically, since I'm too lazy to put any narrative arc in here. I ended up leaving work around noon on Friday. I'm SO glad I did, as I only received ONE email for the rest of the day, and it had nothing to do with me. Nothing was missed at all. Instead of working, I went to the gym and had a nice long workout. I couldn't manage to get any kind of a sweat going though, and that was weird. Must have been dehydrated or something.
I opted not to pick Warren up from daycare, and made brownies for my friend who's in the hospital. (Yes, I brought brownies to a diabetic, that makes me an asshole. But whatever, it's what she wanted). We had tacos and guacamole for dinner, and it was decidedly awesome. I've come to the conclusion that guacamole is the perfect food. I'm pretty sure I could eat it every single day and never become bored of it. *sigh*

Warren let me sleep in on Saturday, so by the time I got up, I had to rush to clean the house and get him bathed and make it to Walnut Creek to meet Jen and her man-friend so we could all go visit my friend in the hospital. (Whose name is also Jen. Of Course it is.) She looked so much better than she has for months. She's eating pretty regularly, and putting some much needed weight back on. She got to hold Warren until he started fussing at the strangers.
The funny part was, Jen's man-friend was able to hold Warren for a really long time, and Warren never fussed! He's a guys guy apparently. It was pretty sweet.

We got home from the hospital in time to finish cleaning the house, then get dressed for a wedding. I discovered that the dress I was so pleased with the weekend before, was a size too big, which wasn't so bad, except the neckline was SO low that the extra size made it obscene. Especially when you've got breastfeeding boobs sticking way out on your chest. But the wedding was fun, I drank a ton of champagne and felt excellent the next day. Which is a big step for me since I've been getting nasty headaches no matter how little I drink.

I spent a few hours on Sunday beating my garden into submission. I hadn't been able to do any gardening last year since pregnant ladies and pesticides/cat shit don't mix well. I think one more day of work and it'll be pretty usable again. I'm so looking forward to having my own herbs and veggies to use again. I really hate buying fresh herbs, since they always go bad before I can use them all.

Xtian took Warren off my hands for a bit on Monday so I could lay in bed and read for a few hours, completely uninterrupted! I haven't done that since before Warren was born, and it was...Awesome. Just fantastic. I could go for some more of that. In fact, I only got out of bed because it was time to start making dinner.

And now it's back to the grind. I'm trying to occupy my mind with work and not on Warren's doctor's appointments next week. How does one do a CT Scan on a five month old? How do you get them to hold still long enough? But my mom and sister are coming down for the appointment to offer some support. Which is good, I need more people in the room to hear what the doctor's say. Since I tend to hear one scary thing, fixate, and miss everything else. At least we'll finally know what the plan is...I hope.
I've been holding off making any plans for the rest of the year since I have no idea what will be going on. If he needs surgery, and recovery time, when things will happen...I hate being absolutely clueless.
But, my gut feeling is, he's going to need the surgery. His head is just looking less and less normal as time goes on. And yes, I'm being hyper aware, but that doesn't mean the problems aren't there.

You know, I'm pretty into doing research, and reading every baby related piece of information that comes my way. I've researched all the common and not so common things that go on with babies. And I've never heard of craniosynostosis before. But now, everything I've found on it mentions that it's fairly common. Like 1/2000 kids. If it's really that common, WHY HAVE I NEVER HEARD OF IT? Is this one of those things that parents just don't talk about? Fuck, people, get the personal experiences out, already!

Ok, superlong, boring ass update...complete. Maybe some fun stuff another time. I'm exhausted.

Ugh. Tuesday.

I finally got freaked out enough to call the cranio-facial specialists. No easy task since they are a specialty group, and clearly don't have a phone number published anywhere I can find it. But, a few phone calls, and I have the information I'm looking for.
They didn't even get Warren's file and referral until 11:24 pm on Friday night. So, today is the earliest they would have even looked at it. From here, they'll figure out what tests need to be done, set those up with me, and after all the lab/imaging work is done, then we'll see the specialists. I should have some stuff scheduled this week. Which is good, since everything I read about this thing says TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE! So far, I've avoided looking at any surgery, pre or post, pictures available. From what I've read the swelling and bruising is pretty horrific, and sometimes involves the kid wearing a helmet until their a year old. And that part freaks me out a lot. The only thing most people want for a kid this little is a carefree experience where they get to learn and grow and explore like any other kid. And when there's a kid in a helmet, they are the weird kid. It's not nice, but it's true. And I really don't want Warren to be treated any differently by anyone.

For better or for worse, I've decided not to tell the extended family about this yet. My parents know, and my siblings know (and I guess the whole internet, but whatever) but I don't really want to tell EVERYONE until we have a better idea of what will have to happen. So, if anyone reading this knows my family at all, keep it zipped, eh?

I'm really glad we'll be heading up to Chico this weekend. After the last couple weeks, I could do with some family time. It'll be great to not have to be the emotional caretaker for everyone for a few days. And even better, we're going to a wedding. I love weddings. And this is even better, it's for old people! (Well, old like, as in over 50). My mom's best friend from middle school is marrying the man she dated in high school. (They dated in high school, broke up, each married other people, subsequently got divorced, then reconnected a few years ago, hundreds of miles from where they lived, started dating, and now are getting married. I just love their story!) Older people weddings are so much nicer and more fun than 20/30 something weddings. There's less pressure, it's not about being the social event of the year, it's just about two people celebrating their love with all their friends. I just love it.
Also, my mom mentioned to me that the first time the woman got married, I was a new baby. Now the second time she gets married, I HAVE the new baby. Kind of fun, the little life cycles.

I hate Tuesdays worse than Mondays. Is this week over yet? Because I'm tired and cranky. Would it be totally inappropriate to take a muscle relaxer and just drift through the rest of today?
Probably. Damn it.

For those who like horrific descriptions...

If I may offer some words of advice, google and WebMD are evil, and should be avoided at all costs. Because, damn will they show you some pictures of little bitty kids with fucked up heads. And you really don't want to see that.

I've been working on keeping my shit together, and trying really hard not treat Warren and differently. Meanwhile, he couldn't give two shits about the whole "his head is closing up so fast his brain won't have anywhere to go soon." But I'm still scared to death. It seems I just have to avoid talking about it. That's the only way to keep from screaming and crying.

But in the interest of information sharing: best case scenario is the specialists all take turns poking and prodding him, taking blood samples, knocking him out cold to get all the CT scans done and decide that it's not that big of a deal, we'll just keep an eye on it. (Warning, some graphic descriptions follow. Just for those a little sensitive about babies and descriptions of medical procedures).

Middle of the road scenario: after running every test in the world on my tiny little boy, surgery is deemed required. They'll cut his head open from ear to ear, break his skull and implant some plastic. There will be a long recovery period along with ongoing visits to doctors and probably some very strange headwear. Surgery is a complete success and he gets to live a nice long normal life complete with sports and normal rambunctious fun.

Worst cast scenario: they do the tests, the surgery and it still doesn't fix the problem. His brain will continue to grow, forcing his skull to grow in terrible mis-shapen ways and causing brain damage as it goes. Warren is left mentally retarded, and will not be able to play sports, run around or...
ok, I'm done going down that road because it's just too hard right now.

I just need these specialists to call me already so we can tell what we are dealing with. I'm thinking the first scenario is probably not very likely, since his little noggin is already starting to grow in a little weird shape. Nothing terribly noticeable, but if I were to point it out, you'd all go..."Oh, that's what's going on there." So, the likelihood that we'll just keep an eye on it doesn't feel very good to me. And the longer I'm left to my own devices the more worked up we're all getting. I'm also trying really hard to just accept that this happens and it's no one's fault. That Warren is a healthy happy kid, and that we're doing everything we need to do to meet his needs.

And this is also when I'm a little jealous of religious people. I almost wish that I was able to believe that there's a reason and a purpose and some benevolent thing that cares about the fate of my kid. But I don't. And I can't.


Ok, and since this is getting entirely too serious in here, I thought I'd lighten the mood a little by telling you all about the new outfit our kitty Fiddy is rocking these days. We had the businessman tie on him for a while yet. But it's mostly white, and he drags it through his water dish all day, so the thing is filthy. So, whilst cruising the Target aisles, I found the greatest thing ever: a sailor collar. It's delightfully nautical and super super gay. So you know I love it. And I must say he looks quite fetching. I just need a Village People cd to help get him into the proper state of mind. God I love cats that let you put ridiculous outfits on them!