GAH! The Second.

So, since I can hear everything that happens in my office, I’m listening to our soon-departing HR part timer. She’s on the phone with someone she’s scheduling an interview with, complaining loudly about her eighth grade son’s homework load.
“Well, it’s ridiculous. Boys should be outside playing basketball, running around. Not sitting around doing busywork. And schools are totally geared toward girls anyway.” Umm, seriously?

First things first, how sad that you must not have anyone to talk to. If you did, you probably wouldn’t be giving your family history and educational philosophy to a complete and utter stranger who is only looking for a job.

And, beyond that, we have the stupidest children ever coming out of schools, with absolutely no ability to sit still and pay attention. I feel like letting Sarah, (who teaches middle school) just rip this woman’s face off. And, since WHEN are schools stilted toward girls? You know, I only studied the Psychology and Sociology of gender for 3 years, and I’m no expert. But every, single study that comes out shows teachers, administrators and the entire school system is preferential to males. So, seriously, fuck off. Gender BS always pisses me off. I was a rough and tumble kid. While not a boy, of COURSE I would rather have been running around and playing than doing schoolwork. Wouldn’t everyone? Even right now?

And if I may spout some of my own opinion…
I think kids need to be doing MORE homework, spend more hours in school. I think we are doing children a great disservice by not requiring them to sit still and listen. My generation, and exponentially so those coming after, expected to be entertained, at all times. Not that there is anything wrong with being entertained, and yes, more interactive learning is wonderful. But, that has to work with the sitting still and paying attention BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DO. A lot of life is sitting still and listening. A lot of life is not tremendously entertaining.

The unfortunate thing is, that it’s teachers, like Sarah, who have to deal with the day-to-day hell that is overindulged children who have been given excuses not to pay attention. They don’t have to listen to Sarah; they don’t have to follow directions. Who’s going to make them? It’s not like they’ll fail. They get to move on to high school anyway, regardless of how little work they’ve done, or how little they actually know. OH MY GOD!!! Stupid, ignorant people are so ridiculous; it makes me rethink my feelings toward forced sterilization. GAH!

Aside from that, rest of the world continues on as before. The grown-up stuff is just weird. Like, seriously, I’ve over here reviewing Life Insurance quotes. Does it get older and more fuddy-duddy than that?

Lengua Fuera

So, it turns out my body is a shithead. I know, I’ve mentioned that before, but allow me to elaborate.
I’ve been working out 6 days a week for about two months now. And I don’t mean just showing up at the gym, I mean kicking my own ass with the running. And you know what my body HASN’T done? Lost one fucking pound. Yes, I know, it takes time and slow weight loss is the best kind, and yes my body is definitely changing for the better blah blah blah. But you know what, I weigh an obscene amount, and no matter how much muscle I’m gaining, there is absolutely no reason the numbers on the scale shouldn’t be going down.

So, again, my body is a shithead. Just ri-goddamn-diculous.

In other news, I’m pretty retarded for my husband. It’s just weird for me to be all gushy and lovey. I was never really keen on the idea of getting married. Just never was a priority for me. I wanted to have kids and be with a life partner, but marriage was always beside the point. However, Xtian was pretty adamant on wanting to make it legit. And I like weddings. Hell, what’s not to like about throwing a big ass party, wearing a big-ass dress and sparkly jewelry, getting drunk before noon and getting presents on top of it?

So, in light of my youthful misgivings, it’s kind of nice liking being married to Xtian. And that I haven’t become your typical “wife” is also good. Yes, I cook and can nag/whine with the best of them, I’ve been fortunate in the way Xtian mostly is the emotional caretaker and I continue in my neurotic battle between dudely and bitchy. Forced gender roles have always been my greatest nemesis. So, it’s nice to realize that getting married didn’t really change anything.

Yeah, with all the wisdom of someone who’s been married for 8 months. Whatever that counts for.

Blah Blah, Coley's a rambling ass.

Last week I went to lunch with a few guys from our IT department. We had a conversation that has been turning over in my brain for a while. No real conclusions, just some mullings.

Basically the whole conversation boiled down to the Mormon (and other groups as well, but my experience was always with the Mormons) constrained gender roles. I know all groups have specific ideas about gender roles, but I think the Mormons are a little nuttier about it than most. For example, my little sister dressed as a “gangsta” for Halloween a few years ago. She was adorable, baggy pants, visible plaid boxers, huge T-shirt, some “bling” and a do rag. Halloween was on a Sunday that year (which means The Sabbath, so no going out, at all) so the Mormon teenagers had a party planned. My sister wasn’t allowed to wear that costume to the party because it was considered cross-dressing, and therefore, unacceptable. Yeah, seriously.

One facet of the conversation dealt with family and moral roles of genders. In Mormon culture, men work, and lead the family. They are in charge, and women can make their wants known, but the man has final say. (You can see right here why I left this religion at a very early age.) Furthermore, while the men are ultimately responsible for the morality and eternal salvation of their families they really can’t control themselves; women are supposed to quietly guide their men. Never disagreeing, per se, but when a man fucks up in his marriage (infidelity, abuse etc) the whole community pities the poor man, and blame is placed with the woman.
The idea here is that men cannot be held responsible for their lust, tempers and wandering eyes. While they should strive to be faithful to their wives, really if a hot piece of ass is presented, they can’t be expected to turn it down. So as women, we should all change our behavior so as not to accidentally tempt men and lead them to immorality. Or so the Mormons would have us believe.

Another facet of this conversation, revolved around traits and behaviors we associate with either men or women. One man, we’ll call him S, mentioned that when he tries to be more kind and understanding to his kids he found himself behaving in a way that he identifies with women. To him, and a lot of people, showing compassion and understanding is a very “woman-thing.” We kind of talked about that, and the others agreed that when they made a point of being nice, they emulated women.

We took that a step further and discussed some traits we associated with men. And S brought up the fact that a lot of women who’d been successful at their jobs, he really identified their behaviors as “masculine.” And furthermore, when he felt like it was time to assert authority, whether at home or at work, he was “being a man.”

This lead me to thinking: if nice is a womanly trait, and harsh is a manly trait, what do we as a culture really think about men? That they are brash, harsh, aggressive and completely irresponsible for their actions. And what do we think about women? That they are nice, weak and vile temptresses.

Not really my idea of a person I’d like to spend time with. But at the same time, we, as a whole, reward those who exhibit man-like qualities. As S mentioned, the women who’ve made it to the highest levels of success at our office were seen as behaving like men.

What a sad statement about our culture.

I guess this is shit occupying my mind while we plan for kids. I’d really like to raise kids who will be who they are and do what they like, rather than be who culture tells them to be and do things because it’s the predetermined boy/girl thing to do. I want daughters who will play football AND play dress up. I want boys who will take dance AND play with Tonka trucks. I don’t want my boys thinking that they are truly “men” if they are kind and gentle people. I don’t want daughter’s who think they have to be mean to get ahead in life. And vice versa. Unfortunately, the rest of the world will influence the hell out of kids too. No matter how much I encourage my kids to feel, and be kind and be strong, the rest of the world is going to tell my boys that Men Don’t Cry, and Women Should Stay Home and Raise Babies. It just pisses me off.

I like to think that I challenge some gender norms in how I live my life. But at the same time, I know I make assumptions and have some rigid gender roles in my head too. I guess, all I can hope for, is that I’ll be open-minded enough to look past all that shit and teach my kids that they are ok, no matter what gender roles they choose.

Yeah, rambling whatever done for the day.