Friday, September 5, 2008

Calming down for a moment.

I'm still feeling a little tender and blue after yesterday's wallowing. Though I'm feeling much better after a glass of wine on the back porch with Xtian.

Mostly, I think I'm exhausted from a weekend where I didn't rest much at all, and an upcoming weekend where it's all fun, but not exactly restful, and you know, sometimes I just feel bummed out. Mostly I'm ok, and I recognize that I have a job that mostly covers our bills, and is something I can do with my eyes shut. And to answer Faith's question, here's the thing, I really like WHAT I do, I just am tired of WHERE I'm doing it. You know?

I'm doing exactly the type of work I went to school for, and I really enjoy it. So, no wasted money there at least. But my current company really isn't into doing anything new and different. I spent the first year I was here re-doing all their stuff. Now that it's done, it's mostly maintenance. It's the same 3 things to do every month, and NOPE they're not interested in trying something different, or going in a different direction, or even keeping up with the times, so I'm just bored. Also, I'm surrounded by the lowest common denominator type people.
I believe the best description is: Picture the shittiest trailer park in the world. Now picture all the folks who've been kicked out of said trailer park. Now imagine all those folks who've been kicked out are brothers and sisters, and they all procreated. Those children would best represent 90% of the people who work here. I know.

So, I am grateful for this job for providing me with the job-title I need and a great reference from my immediate boss, and a portfolio of work that might actually help me get a better job. And now I'm done with them. So, yeah. I know it's going to take time, and the job market sucks and all that. But sometimes, the soul-sucking process of looking for a job is just too much. I'm just feeling downtrodden and like there's not really a ton of motivation to get out of bed in the morning.
(Hello? Family history of depression? Oh, it's me. Coley. Just checking in for a couple weeks.)
Not that there's anything dire going on, just a normal funk. It'll pass. I know it, you know it. Just is hard in the meantime.

So, I had to buy a new breast pump a couple weeks ago, and it came with new bottles. Which is all fine, and they're all non-chemical leaching etc. Except they are covered in cringe-inspiring messages like " Breastfeeding: From mother with love," and " Breastfeeding: Nature's perfect food."
And it's just irritating. Yeah, I get it, it's all natural and hippy dippy and wonderful. THAT'S WHY I'M DOING IT! You're preaching to the converted, and in horrible cliches. Yuck. Can't deal with it. Enough with the goofy slogans, already.

And finally this weekend entails a lovely, if short, visit from my mama, a dinner at Guy Fieri's restaurant for Sarah's birthday (sushi and barbecue? In the same restaurant? I'm in. SO SO SO in.), then the Wedding of Materialism on Sunday (yes, I'm bitchy.) complete with possible drop-ins from Xtian's friends on the way through. All wonderful, and all tiring with a 20+ kid in tow.

Oh, and for my bloggy friends who are wondering why I'm not commenting anymore, it's not personal. Just can't reach comments from any computers at work. Blah.

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