Thursday, September 4, 2008

Seriously Overreacting.

To warn y'all, I think I'm totally PMSing (thanks childbirth and IUD for making sure I have no idea what is going on with my body any given moment) but I'm having a little freak out and I need to share.
I think we all know that I'm trying desperately to get the hell out of my current job and out of Oakland. Weirdly enough, I'm not that found of living in a neighborhood where 4 people get shot each night and that's not a big deal. Last time I was in Chico I was talking to my dad about that, and he kind of jokingly mentioned that his company was looking for an advertising person. I kind of immediately dismissed it, because it was mentioned in a joking manner.

Then I got to thinking and thought, ah hell, it's worth a shot. So, I emailed the HR department under a different name (didn't want any awkwardness with my last name being the same as my dad's nor did I want the family to know about it and get hopes up) and asked about any open advertising/marketing positions. The lady wrote back and very politely told me there weren't any openings but they did have an open sales position.
Thanks but not thanks, I told her. I just can't do sales. I can't. It's not in my make up to do it.

So, the other night my dad called and I mentioned the above emailing that went on and said, "Hey I thought you said there was an open Advertising thing?"( I think this is where the misunderstanding happened. I think my dad thought I was talking about the sales position.) He asked if I was interested, I told him I was and to let me know if anything came available.

Then I kind of warmed to the idea of moving back to Chico, even working at the same place as my dad, and all that sugar-paved fantasy stuff.

Today my dad called to say that they were moving forward on the sales position. And my stomach fell. I thought we'd been talking about advertising, he thought we'd been talking about sales. Shit. There isn't anything in my line open there, and he was clearly disappointed and I'm disappointed and now I'm freaking out because...
I'm never going to get another job, we'll never be able to afford more kids in the bay area, my current job is starting to suck my soul away and no one will ever hire me anywhere and everything sucks!

Do you see how I think I might be a little PMS-y? But I can't help it. All I want to do now is put my head on my desk and cry. Dude. It's been 6 months that I've been seriously looking for a new job. I've yet to receive a single call back. What the hell. I'm so discouraged. I'm so ready to get out of here. My career is going absolutely nowhere, and the longer I stay here, the less employable I'll be. I've done everything I can do here, twice, and I'm feeling so stifled. Anytime I try to get a new project going, or advance anything I'm shut down. I'm bored all day every day, and it's hard to make the little work I have stretch to fit the hours I'm required to occupy my desk. Normally I'd just dick around on the internet, but since the surf-blockers are now not even letting me comment on blogs (Except for the magical Faith's, for some reason?) that's not an option.
And I'm so burned out from being behind a computer screen all day, I have a hard time justifying MORE time when I get home to job search. Especially since I have so little family time as it is, and I MISS my baby. I miss my husband. I'm lucky to see them awake for 2 hours a day, and it sucks.

I know I have it easy, and I'm luckier than most and things can always be worse and all the other cliched "Cheer up" garbage people love to throw at you. But I don't care right this minute.
Right now all I want to do is wallow in my unhappiness. And realize that I still have over 2 hours to fill at work. Damn it.


jen breese said...

Huge hugs. I don't want to be my Ms Molly Olly positive so I shall shake my fist at the nasty powers who be who've messed up our economy so bad. :(

I believe in you and your skills. I know you will find something good. It took me months of hard cord dedicated looking to find this one.

Faith said...

Have you considered looking into a different career path at all, Coley? I know the Twin has been looking for a new job for a while now, too, and having a hard go of it. I suggested cake decorating to her, and she seemed receptive to the thought at first, but I don't know if she seriously thought about it, really.

But my point is, there's other stuff that we can do. You're a good writer and a smart chicky...maybe some sort of editing position? I dunno...there must be SOMETHING that would work!

I wanna be an interior decorator. But I need to take some classes in order to learn interior design my deal is that I need to get off my butt, and look into my options for Spring or next Fall at our local community college. I know school might not be an option at all for you, particularly with the little time you have with Xtian and Warren as it is, but maybe in the near future it might be more of a possibility?

In the mean time, PMS-away. We're here for ya! (And yay for you being able to comment on MY blog, of all the ones you read! That makes me feel special...)