Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Now that we all have diabetes...

Or at least want to puke from all the saccharine around here, let's talk Family Party, shall we?
So, Uncle Mark, the birthday boy, showed up. And avoided me mostly. Which makes me, lucky. I only overheard a few really fucked up things being drunkenly shouted with dozens of kids present, so we'll call that "success." I'll share one choice selection, so if you have sensitive sensibilities, skip a few lines, mmmkay? While discussing a neighbor who'd been arrested for molesting a 10 year old girl, "I'd a thought he's a complete queer, 'cept for that little girl he was fucking."

Oh joy. Just awesome. My other awful uncle (at least this one isn't actually blood related in any way), Joe, made himself a complete ass, as per usual. His big thing lately has been celebrating that TWO boys were born. Yeah, we have mostly girls in all the families, the joke being that you get one boy. If you have 2 kids, if you have 12, you get one boy per family unit. And both my aunt and I had boys. And Joe has taken that as a personal achievement. What HE had to do with it, I'll never know, but he's quite pleased with himself. My favorite quote from him, regarding his three daughters, followed by a son, "I made three mistakes before I got one right." Yes, he said it in front of his young daughters. Classy.

He's been on this kick for a while, so I usually avoid him at all costs. Look, it's annoying, and offensive, and if I thought he was joking, I'd be able to overlook it. But he started in again on Saturday, he grabbed my shoulders from behind and kind of shook them back and forth while shouting, "GOOD JOB! GOOD JOB! Now just make a few more of those boys and we'll be all set!" Fucking asshole. I finally responded with, "Keep it to yourself, Joe." But he didn't get it. Because he's stupid.

The other fun thing he does, is tell me all the ways I'm doing it wrong. Specifically in how I'm raising Warren. Yes, because so much really can be done wrong at 4 months old. Good thing I don't take parenting advice from the guy who just spent 3 years in San Quentin for having a Meth lab in his home, with his children. That doesn't stop him from offering his advice however. God, I hate that guy. Why is it, half the men in my family are just the most worthless pieces of shit imaginable? And yet, Joe thinks we need MORE boys? Yeah, because they turn out so well, right? (No offense to the actually decent men in our family, of which there are a few.)

Ok, that's all the energy I have for today. I'll tell you all about my sweety mother's day and our "meh" anniversary.

1 comment:

jene said...

That first uncle needs a bullet in the head. fucking asshole