Wobble Wobble, Shaky Shaky.

So sayest our lord, Mos Def.

Concert was fabulous. Except that there were other people there. It’s been a while since I’ve attended a general admission concert/festival. 55,000 people all took turns shoving, kicking, trampling and elbowing me. And no, I was not shoving my way up front for a closer look. I was in the back, as far as I could be and still hear the 60,000 speakers pumping. And still, with the crush of humanity.

I would have hated that no matter what physical circumstance I was in. But, in addition, I’m a big swollen belly and a bundle of irritation and hormones. So, I elbowed a frat boy, told off a couple of douchebags and slunked even further away.

All in all: loved every act there. The Roots were such a blast to watch, Mos Def may have to be the father of my next child, Public Enemy was excellent even though I wish Flavor Flav would just go away already, Wu Tang was phenomenal, and of course, Rage Against the Machine was so high energy, they made me tired. But if I never go to a concert while knocked up again, it’ll be too soon. I’m just not prepared to stand for that long anymore. And someone give me a rocking chair and a housedress already, because apparently, I am an old lady.

Tonight is my first childbirth class. If this is anywhere near as useless as all other classes I’ve been to yet, I might scream, demand a refund and flip off everyone there. Look, I’m not an idiot. I’ve read the books, I’ve done the research, I’ve talked to my doctor. What else can you possibly tell me? The kid is coming out one way or another, right? So, unless I find this unbelievably useful, I’m going to blow up a building. And since it was more convenient to take the classes out where I work (remember, 35 miles from my home) it’s not like we’ll meet people who will be our new parent friends. Because, who is driving 35 miles for a play date? Oh yeah, NO ONE! And man, do I need some new parent friends.
Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love my non-parent friends and would walk over flaming poo for them. But once this kid is born, and I become crazy First Time Mom, it would be nice to have other people going through the same thing to talk to. I just really don’t want to be the “See, Coley had a kid, and NOW look at what a hot mess she is!” warning to my current friends. And as awesome as my mom is, she hasn’t had a baby in 18 years, and she lives 3 hours away. Damn it, how do people find friends? I’ve still only figured out two ways to have friends: meet them at work or import them from your home town. And since we’ve discussed the caliber of humans I work with these days, and I’ve imported all my “back home” friends, I’m out of ideas.

Goddamnit, I’m going to have to join a New Mommy Support Group or some such shit, aren’t I? Well, hopefully I can find the other people rolling their eyes at every gathering and make them be my friend. I cook? I make a mean chocolate martini? I’ll sweet talk my husband into lifting heavy things for you? Yep, that’s about all I’ve got to offer, hopefully I’ll get some takers.

Dude, is it naptime yet? I’m ready to find my carpet square, eat a graham cracker and some juice and curl up on the floor. Why, oh why did naptime end at pre-school?