Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Reason #598 Why I Don't Live In a Rural Area

Ok, Faith, you asked for it. The completely uninteresting story of my life right now.

This weekend I drove up to Redding (which is like Chico, but hotter, and with more rednecks) to attend a picnic of my work’s constituents. By about 12:30 pm I had developed a delightful case of heatstroke. Which was lovely.
But, a ton of water, some time in the shade and two Popsicles later, I was feeling much better.

I was reminded again and again how I do not fit in with these people. I was running a stupid little game where you throw Velcro balls at a cloth target, and you get prizes. I was just giving out the little promo items my work prints up, so the game was pretty much moot. But the “grand prize” for getting a bull’s eye was a slightly more ass-kicking shirt. Really we had a ton of these things, so I was joking with people about how the game is played, “Well, to get the black T Shirt, you have to hit the bull’s eye, or sweet talk me.” NO ONE TOOK THE BAIT! They completely didn’t even get that I was joking, or that really, if they had asked, I’d have given them one. I mean, I know not everyone can be a genius, and hell sometimes I’m dumber than all get out. But there were about 200 people who all heard this, and I was smiling and making all joking gestures I could think of, and not one person figured it out.

Just unbelievably retarded.

Ok, so yeah. That was my weekend. Oh, and Mocha Cub kicked the hell out of me the other day. Clearly, this kid is mine, and is making the forthcoming attitude known. All I did was bend over for a second and WHAM! Right in the gut. I think we can see that my mother’s curse has already come true: I’m raising a child just like ME.

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