Friday, June 29, 2007

Things they don’t tell you happen when you get knocked up:

Gag reflex was previously non-existent. Now, I can’t stick out my tongue without dry heaving. Nice. Brushing my teeth has become a feat of strength and determination.

Formerly had skin that pretty much never burned. I think I’ve had 2 sunburns in my entire life. Sunday, I was outside, covered in sun block for about 2 hours. My shoulders turned PURPLE with burn. Thanks hormones!

Breathing causes me to burp. Constantly.

Husband will not stop making poop jokes. Pregnancy causes males to revert to 9 year olds. (But he's still cute, and he does have to live with me, so if being 9 makes it easier, so be it.)

Stupid people at work will refer to you as “Preggo” as though it is your name. This will not stop.

Anyone who has ever seen a child feels like they get to tell you, “Oh man, you have NO idea what you’re getting into.” They will continue to do so even after you explain that this is not helpful or productive.

Mormon parents who were formerly ashamed of your non-Mormon-ness suddenly do anything in their power to make you happy. You are Keeper Of the Grandchild, and must be appeased like an angry Volcano God. Milk this shit as long as you can.

Cheetos become a perfectly acceptable complement to your breakfast yogurt. (“Cheese” dust in the keyboard, be damned!)

The internal censor is dead. If I think it, it will most likely come out of my mouth. “Do you like my dress?” “It looks like something a schoolmarm spinster would have worn on laundry day in 1867.”

I’m a delight to be around.

I'm wearing my Happy Bunny T-shirt today. It says: I'm not mean. You're just a sissy.
It makes me far happier than it should.

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