Just Bought a Cadillac

I think I just had the greatest weekend on the books. Allow me to illustrate:
Friday, I bought more food than any human should be allowed to own, in an array and spectrum of healthfulness that boggles the mind. I bought organic, free-range chicken and boxes of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. I bought organic, locally grown fruits of every color and shape and I bought the family size bag of Twizzlers. See? There is no consistency here. But it’s all delicious.
After purchasing all that food, I couldn’t be bothered to cook, so I ate an enormous, saucy burger from Carl’s Jr. See? The delight continues.

Saturday, while Xtian worked, I slept until 10:30 am (after going to bed before 9 pm and yes, you are all jealous of me). Eventually got up, mustered the motivation to clean the house a bit, and let’s be honest, Xtian did most of the work. That’s what he gets for coming home early apparently.

After a shower, and lunch of frozen food (huzzah for pork shu mai!) I laid on the couch and watched potentially upsetting movies. During an intermission, I made a huge, 6-pound lasagna. Again, yes, you are jealous.

Incidentally, movies watched: Havoc and Amistad. Luckily, Xtian told me the basic plot points of Amistad before we watched so I wasn’t totally horrified, but did have to pause the movie at least 10 times to scream: THESE ARE HUMAN BEINGS!!! ARRRRGH! And other such guttural gibberish. And if you haven’t seen Havoc, allow me to sum up: What did they think was going to happen? I mean, the whole movie is about rich kids who think they are gangsta’s until they meet real gang member, and things don’t turn out well. Again, what did they think was going to happen?

So, yeah, movies and snuggling on the couch and awesome food. Saturday rocked.

Then Sunday upped the ante by bringing me new underwear AND good food AND more movies. I want every weekend to do this. If every weekend delivered bitchin’ food, new panties and movies without any interruption, I’d never have a thing to complain about again.

And in new pregnancy related news, I think my hips are turning out already. You see, I’m supposed to be sleeping on my side these days so as not to “Kill my unborn child by suffocating him/her”. Unfortunately, a few nights ago I was awoken by flaming, surging pain in the hip I was lying on. Now, I have a kick ass mattress, and it’s NEVER hurt before, so I don’t think I can blame the bed. I rolled onto my other side and went back to sleep. About 30 minutes later, I was again awoken by surging, flaming pain, also in the hip I was lying on. The aching awfulness continues, and gets worse each night. So every half hour or so, I’m awoken by pain, only to roll over and repeat the process on the other side.

The only time it doesn’t hurt is while sleeping on my back. Except, then we are back to the whole, cutting off circulation to the vena cava and therefore oxygen to the baby thing. Seriously body? This shit sucks, and I’m freaking tired. And I’m writing it all down here so that when this kid is old enough to understand, I’ll make MC clean my house every day and when he/she asks why? I’m going to say, “Because when you lived in Mommy, you were the worst tenant ever and made Mommy hurt all the time every day. So now, you must make up for your misdoings.” Think that will work?


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I haven't mentioned the MIL situation lately because there hasn't been much going on. She pretends I don't exist, and I ignore Xtian's phone ringing 13 times a day. Seems to work. I know that she often asks about "The Baby" and I had wondered how she was still managing to pretend I don't exist since "The Baby" currently LIVES IN ME. I'm still not sure how this works in her head, but I did get a minor glimpse into that thought process.
On Xtian's brother's graduation invitation (Of which TWO were sent to our house, at different times, both addressed the same. Very strange), MIL addressed it to: Xtian Lastname and Family. As far as I'm aware, I'm the only other person who lives in that house and is currently related to Xtian, so apparently, in her head Xtian has this "family" that is producing her grandchild. There is no wife, just this undefined family. It still makes no sense to me, but then again, I'm not mentally ill.
As far as I know.

So, yeah, just to update y'all on that situation.