Thursday, July 19, 2007

In which I discuss my bladder.

Right so, hurrah. Boredom abounds at work. Allow me to illustrate:
This week I have 5 tasks to complete. I could easily complete all 5 in a couple of hours. But, since I won’t have anything else to do all week if I did them all quickly, I have to stretch them out into a week’s worth of work. I am bored. Also, I am uninteresting.

Had our second ultrasound yesterday to check out MC’s organs, brain etc. Except, this is clearly my child because MC would not cooperate. While trying to look at organs, MC is twisting the body around so you can’t keep the organs in view. While trying to look at brain structures, MC is shaking his/her head “no.” Anytime he tried to get pictures of other body structures, kiddo is throwing hands in front of them. Did not sit still for the entire hour I was being scanned. Contrary little bugger. Clearly, my child.

But let me tell you about the preparation for an ultrasound. I knew they make you drink water and all that, so your bladder is full, but I didn’t realize how full they wanted it.
My appointment was at 4:15 pm. At 2:45 pm, I was told to start drinking water. I had to ingest 32 ounces of water between 2:45 and 3:15. Then I had to let that water sit IN MY BLADDER until 4:15. And did I mention that there is a human living on top of my bladder?
By 3:20, I was doing the pee dance. By 3:50, I was ready to cry. I couldn’t sit down since that would have made me pee uncontrollably. So, I paced and snarked until they called me in.
The nice thing was, the ultrasound tech said all measurements we got show MC to be at 20+ weeks old, instead of the 18.5 we were originally told. What does that mean? Well, it means I’ve just made it past the halfway point. So, huzzah!

In the vein of fucked up things people say to you when you are with child (god that’s an annoying term, Like I’m with a child…on a bus? On a bench? I’m often with children, sheesh it makes no sense. Fucking euphemisms!), I’ll tell you about my newest favorite.
A few people have come up to me and warned, “be careful not to take in too many calories!” Usually this is while I’m eating, and is said in a reproachful tone. Umm, first of all, fuck off. Second, would you say this if I weren’t knocked up? Then don’t say it ever. Third, do you know how much I weigh? Or how much weight I’ve gained? Are you a medical professional? If the answer to any/all of these is no, then you are a fucktard and should be shot.

I was really looking forward to being pregnant since it was one time you are not hassled about fatness. But good job America! Every other article I’ve read hounds women to not gain so much weight! DUDE! This “fat people are the devil” mindset has finally reached the last bastion: pregnant ladies. YOU ARE NEVER SUPPOSED TO LOSE WEIGHT WHILE PREGNANT! Even morbidly obese women are told to gain some weight during pregnancy. So, get off my slightly chubby ass!

And for the record, I’ve officially put on 9 lbs since I got pregnant. NINE. It’s not like I’ve porked up, or anything. In fact, as some will remember, I’m actually having a hard time putting weight on, and so have had to increase my caloric intake, and decrease my workout schedule to ensure this baby isn’t robbing me of my nutrient stores. I’m so annoyed at this topic, it’s not even funny anymore.

Ok, ranting over. And just for fun, here’s a picture of Mocha Cub’s foot.

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