Sordid Details, my favorite kind!

So being the mildly OCD person that I am, I’ve been reading every article I can get my hands on regarding pregnancy and babies. I found an article called “10 Questions About the First Week: Caring for your Newborn”. So, there were definitely 10 questions in the article, but every single answer is “Ask your doctor.” How is that helpful? I’m reading this article because I’m not looking at my doctor right now. Fucking ridiculous. Sheesh, at this rate I could be writing for Parenting Magazine if this is the kind of content we generally accept as helpful.

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Ever since we started talking about having kids, Xtian has been mildly obsessed with the stereotypical pregnant lady cravings. Not sure why. Lately, he’s focused his energy on trying to convince me that I’m craving specific things. Usually things Xtian has an unhealthy love for. Example: Slurpees. That man drinks about 3 Slurpees a week and is desperately hoping he can convince me to crave them too, I guess to give him license to drink even more Slurpees. Chicken wings are another thing he wants me to crave. But, dude! I hate chicken wings. And the fact that anything with much flavor makes me want to die lately is not helping his cause.

Now I should point out that I don’t attempt to limit HIS Slurpee or chicken wing intake. Hell, there’s a bag of wings in my freezer right now. So, why he feels like I need to crave these things is well beyond me.

The only major craving I’ve been nursing: White Trash Sundaes from McDonalds. You know, the crappy almost-ice-cream covered with plastic chocolate and mushy peanuts? Yeah, I want that all the time. I know, it’s gross, but for real I can’t help it at all.

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This one’s for Faith:

I’ve mentioned that I have a 21-year old aunt. Those of you playing along will note that I am 25 years old. This makes for awkwardness. But here’s the deal:

My dad’s father, Dennis, had a lovely affair with my now-Step Grandma, Rita. Dennis just turned 80 last month, I assume Rita is more like late 50’s. (Although, now that we’re talking about it, I have no idea how old she is…Hmmmmm). Here’s the craziest part: my Nanny (Dennis’ original wife, my dad’s mom) KNEW ABOUT RITA AND THE KID! She used to have my aunt come over to visit Dennis. Now, that’s a stronger woman than I’d be. She had her husband’s lovechild, the proof of his cheating on her, come over to see Dennis, because it was the right thing to do for that little girl.

My Dad is the oldest in his family. There were 4 original kids, followed by my aunt, Joanna, about 20 years later. When my Nanny died, Dennis waited a little while, then married Rita and we were all just supposed to get on with it. Of course, the original children were beyond pissed. But, it seems that Rita gets the brunt of everyone’s anger, and Dennis is left alone about it. Yeah, because he had nothing to do with his affair, right?


So, this on top of the fact that Step Grandma is just batshit insane? Just spectacular.

Ok, so that’s enough dirty laundry for me today. I hope that made sense, it barely makes sense in real life, let alone trying to write it down. Hurray for fucked up dysfunctional families!