Tuesday, November 7, 2006

Who you know fresher than Hove, riddle me that.

A lovely weekend up with the family. As always, wish it could last longer, but for what it was, I had fun.

With my complicated history and relationship with food, I find myself having the following conversation with myself at least 12 times a day:
“Hmm, it’s noon. But, am I hungry? Well, I feel vaguely nauseous. Does nauseous mean hungry? Ooh, I think I might be hungry. But am I just bored? Well, kind of but, shouldn’t I eat about now anyway? I should only eat if I’m actually hungry. Am I just saying that to deprive myself of food? Or, GAH!”

Yeah, I guess what I’m trying to say, is that on a normal basis (that is not those random occasions when I don’t get around to eating for more than 24 hours) I am no longer capable of recognizing hunger for what it is. Just awesome. I think I’ve officially analyzed by behavior beyond that which is appropriate.

In other news, I had an actual GOOD conversation with my sister over the weekend. A good conversation being one in which I was only put on edge during the last 20 minutes. I often disagree with my sister, but try to explain where I’m coming from, but without fail, I always feel put on the spot, and like I’m being forced to defend myself on pain of death. I know a lot of this is in my head, but not all of it.

For example, all that garbage with my MIL, most people who know me at all have been smart enough to refrain from DEFENDING THAT MEAN BITCH. But, clearly, my sister (who hasn’t had any experience with this particular brand of nonsense) is unable to just say, “That sucks. What a bitch.” Nope. Clearly, I’m being coerced into sympathizing with the MIL. I finally had to say, “Sis, you may be right here, but I’m not really in a place where I’m ready to understand her point of view. Right now, I’m more into the ‘why won’t this bitch just fucking die’ phase.” But, she pushed the point further, and so I just shut down. I love my sister, and a lot of times she’s one of my favorite people. But, it’s like she just can’t figure out that sometimes, she just needs to be on my side. (You all know you have friends who get a little crazy, but even then, you just have to girlfriend it up and be on their side. "No girl, he's just an asshole, you're right!")

I was talking to Xtian this weekend, and the big topic was covert racism/prejudice. Xtian takes particular offense to people who have gone so far around the PC wheel, they’re almost members of the KKK. Don’t understand? Let me show you:
White man is looking for an apartment. He finds one, but it would mean a black woman’s lease wouldn’t be renewed. He doesn’t take the apartment. Now this just might sound like this person is doing the kind thing. But, I challenge you thusly: would he have chosen differently if it were a white man losing the lease?
A white woman is irritated that her friend (also a white woman) is dating yet another man in a string of men. She loudly voices her concern, until, one day, she discovers that this man happens to be black. Immediately, her tune changes and she’s the epitome of support.

I go back and forth with myself on this stuff. It’s kind of like, from a sociological perspective, I can rationalize a lot of shit non-white people do/say. (raised with racism all their lives, lower socio-economic upbringing, cultural values etc). But, at the same time, the fact that I’m taking someone’s racial/ethnic background into account means that I’m making different rules for people. There’s something to be said for respecting cultural differences. But, if skin-color comes into the equation, you’re showing some amount of prejudice. And, we all have prejudices; so don’t give me that liberal crap.

I don’t really know where I’m going here. I just feel like I have to wrap up my own prejudices or at least get comfortable talking about them by the time I have kids old enough to ask questions like this. Kind of an interesting exercise to do with yourself. ”Would I be behaving differently if this person were white/black/Latino/Asian etc?”

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