Ewww, can you smell that?

Ladies and Gentlemen, can we all just get together and determine some guidelines for perfume and cologne use? Like, please stop wearing it altogether? I realize some of it smells nice. But mostly, if I notice it at all, I’m less than impressed.
I’m of the “if you’ve showered lately, you probably don’t need to wear perfume” school of thought. Sure, about twice a year, I’ll bust out a light florally something for a REALLY special occasion. But mostly, if I smell clean, I’m good.

I know, I’m mostly alone in my dislike of fragrances. But, can we at least all ban together and agree on a few rules?
I propose:

• "Musk" is a euphemism for "Disgusting".
  
• If I can smell you, and you are not within licking distance, you are wearing too much.
  
• If you are using perfume to “cover” the smell of cigarette smoke, you smell like burnt ass.
  
• If you are no longer in the room, and I can smell your fragrance, you are wearing too much.
  
• And can we please all tell our female friends that their perfume/cologne of choice smells like old lady vagina? Please? I know it’s an awkward conversation, but I think a little honesty here can help the rest of the world.
  

So, let’s all raise our fists and pledge,
“It is ok to NOT wear fragrance, I will only spray ONCE per day, if that. I will stop wearing vanilla scented everything. I will tell friends when they smell like the bottom of great aunt Bessie’s purse. I will take other people’s comfort into consideration before hosing myself down every day. I will spread the perfume gospel to others in need.”

Needless to say, I am about ready to stage an intervention with some coworkers. Yech!