Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Ewww, can you smell that?

Ladies and Gentlemen, can we all just get together and determine some guidelines for perfume and cologne use? Like, please stop wearing it altogether? I realize some of it smells nice. But mostly, if I notice it at all, I’m less than impressed.
I’m of the “if you’ve showered lately, you probably don’t need to wear perfume” school of thought. Sure, about twice a year, I’ll bust out a light florally something for a REALLY special occasion. But mostly, if I smell clean, I’m good.

I know, I’m mostly alone in my dislike of fragrances. But, can we at least all ban together and agree on a few rules?
I propose:

  • "Musk" is a euphemism for "Disgusting".
  • If I can smell you, and you are not within licking distance, you are wearing too much.
  • If you are using perfume to “cover” the smell of cigarette smoke, you smell like burnt ass.
  • If you are no longer in the room, and I can smell your fragrance, you are wearing too much.
  • And can we please all tell our female friends that their perfume/cologne of choice smells like old lady vagina? Please? I know it’s an awkward conversation, but I think a little honesty here can help the rest of the world.

So, let’s all raise our fists and pledge,
“It is ok to NOT wear fragrance, I will only spray ONCE per day, if that. I will stop wearing vanilla scented everything. I will tell friends when they smell like the bottom of great aunt Bessie’s purse. I will take other people’s comfort into consideration before hosing myself down every day. I will spread the perfume gospel to others in need.”

Needless to say, I am about ready to stage an intervention with some coworkers. Yech!

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