Friday, October 20, 2006


In the continuing effort to make any reader unbelievably uncomfortable I present to you:
Coley’s PMSing and therefore absolutely NOT TO BE TOLERATED.

(Warning, may contain content deemed inappropriate for some readers. Rated PMS DEFCON 4, for frank discussion of menstruation.)

Yeah, for those of you playing the home version, that means we are decidedly in a state of non-knocked-upness, so that’s thrilling. But beyond that, remember several weeks ago, when I complained about off-the-pill-periods? Yeah, that was nothing. NOTHING.

Since approximately Monday evening, I don’t even know what’s going on with me, let alone a completely befuddled Xtian. I am simply, impossible.
What was true 30 seconds ago is absolutely NOT true now. And I do mean that quite literally.
“Honey, can I fix you a drink?”
“Oh, so you think that getting me all liquored up will help you get laid?!? Fucking ASSHOLE!”
(12 seconds elapse.)
“I’m still waiting for my drink!”

Yeah that conversation (substituting only nouns) about 400 times a day. Interspersed with “I’m sorry, I’m so mean. Why do you even like me? You’re going to divorce me aren’t you?” whining.

I feel exactly how I felt when I was 14 and hated everything. I remember just being angry all the time. I though it was age and wisdom that had calmed me. Turns out it was a highly regimented hormone cycle. I hear myself saying the meanest thing possible in every situation, before I have a chance to register the question. Even mundane situations become fodder for my reign of terror.
Q: “What would you like to watch?”
A: “Just give me the fucking remote!”

Q: “How was your day?”
A: “How do you THINK it went?! I’m BLEEDING OUT OF MY VAGINA!”

Yeah, I’m pretty much a joy to be around. Anyone have a couch Xtian can crash on until I feel more like a human being, and less like a praying mantis of doom?


In a more positive direction, there’s been some online discussion about words and phrases we wish would come back into use.
A few of my faves:
Describing women as handsome (sounds way more kick ass than saying “pretty.”)
Wherefore in the place of “why”
Tight in place of drunk

Just a few of the terms I’ve decided need to be re-birthed.

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