How Coley got her Bitch Back.

Last week I overdrew on my bank account. I thought something was funky, but my bank account looked right. Figured I'd just made a mistake with my math. So, I did a little advance from my credit card to cover my ass, and went along with my day. 3 days later, I find something weird on my account, and find that I've overdrawn....again. So I finally go to the bank and find out what's going on. Xtian's check to me (covering his share of bills and rent) had bounced. I was furious. All day I stewed in nastiness, planning what I was going to say. Luckily, I calmed down a bit and realized that, I saw his account when he wrote that check. There was plenty of money to cover it. And he hadn't spent a dime since then. And why had this taken a week and a half to come through? Something was amiss.

This was on Friday, we had planned a date, so when I got home, I got into my date ritual. Music on, drink in hand, in the bath. I can't recommend it enough.
After Xtian gets home and I gently bring up the topic and explain that his check to me had bounced. Xtian is confused and so checks his account. His paycheck had bounced. Never a good sign. So phonecalls to his boss were made, and the weekend was pretty strained. Xtian internalizes everything. He was feeling shitty because his check bouncing had cost me 5 overdraft charges along with various and sundry fees. Never fun.

Eventually he gets ahold of his boss, who knew this might have happened (and asked Xtian a week before if the check had cleared. It had, and so Xtian told him so. So why did it take two weeks for this check to bounce? Fucking banks.) and offerred to pay the fees and make it right. Xtian also talked to his boss about what it had cost me, and the boss offerred to pay that too. Excellent. Should be all good then. Just need to show them the fees from our bank so the boss will cover it. I offered to do this via email so they would have it faster, and we wouldn't have any sticky bank account numbers hanging around. So I sent all the screenshots from our respective banks with brief explanations of what each one was.

Today I got an email back from boss' wife, who does the accounting portion of their business. In this email, she was questioning my bank records, stating it looked like I had already overdrawn my account and so this wasn't their problem.

Immediately, my throat gets tight and I start to sweat.
Anyone who knows me knows that I hate talking about money. It's messy and so highly charged, that usually, when I front someone cash, I will never see that money again. It's so awkward to bring it up for me, that I usually just never will.
So, when I bring up money, such as, "Hi, remember that $800 I loaned you three months ago....mumble mumble mumble," it usually means I'm 12 cents from eviction. Those who know me, and like me are more than aware of this and so will bring it up first. (as opposed to those who know me and dislike me, who will avoid the topic and bullshit me if I ever do bring it up, knowing it probably won't happen a second time.). Anytime anyone disputes money issues with me, I immediately cave in and apologize, saying it must have been my mistake, even when I know it's not.

I'm visibly and physically uncomfortable while reading this, but realize I actually can't afford to say "oh well" to almost $200 in bank fees. So, I have to bite my lip and reply to the email with more information.

Here's the thing: YOU FUCKED UP! You wrote PAYCHECKS to people, and they BOUNCED! There are always ripple effects, especially with people who barely get by financially. Most months, my finances come down to less than $10 of wiggle room. So, fuck you. Get all shitty with me, accuse me of scamming you, will you! It's fucking enraging having myethics and honesty called into question when YOU WERE THE ONE WHO FUCKED UP IN THE FIRST PLACE!!

In retrospect, this is a heated topic, with which I'm really awkward. I'm sure they were just covering their asses as everyone should. And I also realize that I'm internalizing a lot here. But after having to prostrate myself at the bank and borrow a ton of money at a high interest rate, because YOU fucked up YOUR finances, and suffer the indignities of discussing money to begin with, I'm out of patience. I just want this to go away.
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There's a new woman at my job. She seems nice enough, and granted I'm bitter because she's doing the job for which I'm totally qualified, but didn't get to do, because I'm thought of as the fucking secretary, but she keeps asking me inane questions, in this tiny little voice, like she's afraid of me. I've never been anything but smiles and kindness to this woman, and she tiptoes around me. So either my reputation as scary has gotten around, or she's so timid she needs to get slapped.
Oh, and she keeps calling me "sweetie."
I'm a big fan of using terms of endearment for my loved ones and even liked ones. But, this is at work. She says it two different ways: one way reminds me of my mom, and so makes me think she does this because I'm young. The other way she says it, reminds me of a 60 year old lawyer talking down to his personal assistant.

Either way, I don't like it. I hate when people older than me get all maternal (caveat: unless they are my actual friends, in which case, it goes both ways.) . Yes, I'm younger than you. No, I'm not an imbecile and am actually a fully functioning adult, complete with prestigious college degree. Take you "sweetie" and shove it.

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Keep my girl Jen and her family in your thoughts. Send some good vibes out, mkay?