Monday, June 6, 2005

More Obssessing

Welcome! And a Happy Monday to you. Coming off a nice, if emotionally difficult, weekend. My aunt was in town to visit her son for the first time since he entered rehab, December 2003. With her, she brought her new boyfriend named Uri (no idea how that is spelled). I'm still torn about him. He's a nice man, and I did have some good talks with him. Unfortunately those talks were interspersed with really awkward sexual innuendo, and outright disgusting lewd comments to my aunt.
Now, I'm a lech. I know this, but I can turn it off. And when spending time with your significant other and their relative, that is when you at least tone it down a little. So, the weekend alternated between Uncomfortable and Good Conversation.

I was really concerned about how Auntie's visit with Ben (my cousin, her son) would go. When Ben entered rehab, he was in bad shape. And for a long time, Auntie was an enabler, and maybe their relationship wasn't what he needed it to be. I was concerned this was going to be his chance to get into all that with Auntie. No one knew for sure what was going to happen, or the structure of the visit etc.
Uri and I dropped Auntie off where she was supposed to meet Ben. We wished her luck, then went for some breakfast.

The rehab facility is called Delancey Street Foundation. This is the most amazing rehab facility I have ever heard of. It's free to the client, and does not get government support. They fund themselves with dozens of Delancey owned businesses that the clients staff and operate. So, anyone can get the help they need, meanwhile they are also gaining work experience. I can't speak highly enough about this place. One of their enterprises is a beautiful restaurant right on the bay, in which Uri and I had breakfast. Deeeee-licious and served with aplomb. Needless to say, I was impressed.

At the appointed hour, we went to meet Auntie. As we walked toward her, we could see her standing outside of the door, talking to someone. It was Ben. I was a little concerned that we would be intruding, so walked really slowly, and started waving, hoping Auntie would wave us off if it was not a good time. But she waved us onward. And I got to see my cousin for the first time in years. He's only a few months younger than I, and we were close playmates for years. Once we hit our teen years, we weren't so close, and once he got deep into his addictions, I rarely saw him and when I did, it was more upsetting than anything. So, to see him for the first time in years was a little emtional. In classic form, I ran up to Ben, threw my arms around him and got all choked up. And, also in classic form, he made fun of me for being all emotional. Just like old times. It was so good to see him looking so good. He's put on weight and is tan and muscular, he just looks so good. And his visit with his mom went really well. She can visit him a little more regularly now, and after a few more visits, he'll be allowed to visit her. And in a couple of months he can start dating. I'm so overwhelmed with how great the whole thing went I've been on the verge of tears since.

As should be obvious, I'm easily emotionally overwhelmed.

In Boy News, Xtian called on Saturday night, leaving me an adorable message (although, to me, anything he does is pretty adorable. Maybe I'm not the best judge...). I gave him what was to be a quick call back to say hello, but ended up being a longer, slightly drunken discussion of our whole....situation (I hesitate to use any other word like "relationship." It sounds so constricting), which normally I don't mind, but my aunt and her beau are there, and this wasn't the time to have this talk. To make it even more uncomfortable, in the background I can here his roommates making fun of him for talking to a girl. I find that rather funny. Males of a certain age (17-25 ish) make fun of eachother for having feelings for females. The favored word to disparage eachother is "fag." me out here, wouldn't having feelings for a woman make a man NOT gay? Further proof that when you put any more than 4 males together in a room, their average IQ falls about 50%.

But I digress. So, we chat for a few minutes, and I can hear his friends, so I offer to let him go and talk to him another time. But he insists that this is fine, and he really wants to talk to me. He tells me that he's planning to visit next weekend! Then immediately has to hedge it with "I mean, if that's ok with you. Oh damn, sorry I should have asked before making any plans...if it's not ok, that's fine.." etc. That boy is so nice, I'm amazed. So hurray! I get to have a visit with Xtian sans family and sans asshole roommates. This could be awesome, or will put an end to our little fling on the spot. Kick ass.

And because he was a little drunk, he talked for about 10 straight minutes about how great I am. This is what a self-conscious narcissistic girl like me needs. But it was nice to be worshipped for a few minutes. And the boy can read me pretty well now. His main reason for calling, aside from asking if he could visit, was to make sure I was ok after last time we talked. You remember, his roommates making obnoxious comments about how *ahem* loud I can be. And he was right, I was and am offended. Not that we got to discuss much. He basically tried to asure me that they are just assholes and jealous, but I didn't get to explain that I'm really more embarrassed than anything and now feeling really self-conscious, but fuck it. This unbelievably good-looking, kind, sweet, sexy, intelligent man emoted extensively about how he thinks I'm way out of his league. Ego stroke.

A big fat "CONGRATULATIONS!!" to my brother who passed his drivers' test today! So, can everyone join me in thanking my newest designated driver? Thanks. I can't wait to make him pick me up at 2 am so I can drink myself retarded. Awesome!

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