Horses, boys, and the Captain

Soooooo, yes. New people just moved into our office suite. They are nice enough, but now we’re outnumbered. And they are loud. And they have tons of stuff. And now I can’t find anything I need. And there are now 9 more people to convince that I’m not the receptionist, so please stop asking me things. As we can see, I’m annoyed.

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But aside from that, all is well in Coleyland. Spent the weekend in Chico with my family. I went to a commitment ceremony on Saturday. For those of you not familiar with obnoxious euphemism, a commitment ceremony is a gay wedding. It was a delightful affair, even though I went as my mom’s date. Had a few glasses of wine, chatted with ladies my mother knew etc.

After the wedding, I made a quick beer run and went to Sarah’s house to hang out and/or drink. Sarah requested I pick up beer, (anything that isn’t High Life “The Champagne of Beers”) and anything I wanted to drink. My general distaste for beer has been well documented, so I feel not the need the explain why I picked up a bottle of Captain (the only man who’s lasted longer than 3 years at a stretch). The evening started out awkwardly, as I entered the house and realized I had never met a single person there. My ideal circumstances (editor’s note: sarcasm). But they were a fun group, and Sarah’s new man-friend didn’t say anything horrendously rude to me, as far as I recall. So, we’re playing Jenga (If you haven’t played drunken Jenga, I highly recommend you stop whatever it is you are doing, pick up a bottle of your favorite alcoholic beverage, 4 of your nearest and dearest, and play it immediately) and it’s not even a round that I’m forced to drink more than a few times, yet my beverage needs refilling repeatedly. Problematic.

A few rounds later, I notice I’m delightfully buzzed. By then several of our compatriots lacked the fine motor skills to make Jenga worthwhile, so onwards to Fuck the Dealer. Yes, this is quite a good idea. Or so it seemed at the time. I don’t recall much about the night, but allow me to put it this way: I got back to my parents’ home before 11 pm, I got to Sarah’s at approximately 8:30. Yep, under 2 ½ hours, and I had consumed the entire bottle. 1 liter of rum in about 2 hours. This was an excellent turn of events. Or something. Somehow, made it to my parents’ home, and passed the hell out.

As we can see, the next morning was painful. I spent hours pretending not to be hungover, it being Father’s Day and all. Painful. And because it was Father’s Day, I didn’t leave Chico until almost 7, which put me back at my home at almost 10 pm, completely hyped up on No Doze and Coke. For someone who already has sleep issues, this made for a really restful night (editor’s note: sarcasm).


So, my patience level has not been good. I’m trying to be nice to people, but it’s not working out so well.

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Last night I went out to the barn with Jen CoworkerFriend. I’ve decided that I would like to enter the world of equine ownership. However, I should probably learn how to care for and/or ride a horse before I make any large transactions. Jen, being fabulous, has started showing/teaching me how to do some stuff. And it also gives us more time to play.
After leaving the barn, we went to In-N-Out. I’ve always enjoyed their burgers, but rarely ate there due to a distaste for the taste/texture of their fries. (And if we know anything about me, it’s that I take my food very seriously.) This will never be a problem again. Jen has introduced me to the greatest fastfood development ever. Animal Style fries. Allow me to describe: shoestring fries covered in melting cheese, grilled onions and In-N-Out burger sauce. Give it a minute to let that sink in.

This is the most delicious fry innovation I’ve ever encountered.
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When we arrived at the restaurant, Jen got in line while I went to wash my hands. While in the washroom, I heard some commotion going on in dining area. Upon exiting the bathroom, I realize someone is singing. A woman is standing up in the middle of the dining area, and she is singing. And not half-assed singing, she is belting it out. What, praytell, did she sing. None other than The Star Spangled Banner. That’s right folks. The Star Spangled Banner. I found Jen in line, and asked “Wha?” to which she answered “I have no idea. She just started singing.” We giggled and continued wondering aloud what prompted this show of obnoxious patriotism. Dude in front of us in line turns and glares at us for daring to speak during this un-asked-for serenade. Meanwhile, she finishes singing; the roof comes off the place with all the cheering. I’m still confused.

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Xtian has been calling almost daily this week. Methinks he's a little nervous about moving. And with good reason. Poor kid. He's never lived with a girlfriend, and he's moving to a new city. If he wasn't nervous, I'd be much more nervous.

I told my sisters about Xtian moving in. The younger one is excited. She really likes him, and frankly, I think she just wants one of her sisters married so she has something in common with all her mormon friends. My older sister accused me of being a U-Hauler. (For those who don't get it, reference this old joke: what does a gay man bring on a second date? Answer: what second date? What does a lesbian bring on a second date? Answer: A U-Haul.) And, maybe she's right. But I'm owning it. I'm a serial monogamist. And I'm ok with that. I've never been that knows-everyone-has-400-casual-friends-dates-constantly kind of people. I'm more of the has-a-handful-of-tight-knit-friends-and-a-boyfriend kind of person. I'm more comfortable being with one person who gets me, instead of having to constantly explain myself to new people. I think it's just another facet of my social laziness.
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I haven't told my parents that Xtian is moving in yet. Didn't seem quite appropriate for Father's Day. But I kind of felt my mom out for how she felt about the me and Xtian thing. While at the wedding, we were sitting with some ladies my mom has worked with throughout the years. The discussion came around to grandchildren, and I told my mom "just give me a few more years and I'll provide you with plenty," to which she replied "after you've met the right person." I turned to her and said "I think I might have." At this her face lit up and she started describing Xtian to the ladies, talking about how our first date was him coming to Easter Dinner with the whole family etc. Then she looked at me and said "Oh, but I'm getting a little ahead of myself. I'm getting all excited, but take your time, no rush." So, that made me feel a little better. My mother likes him, and she's never reacted that way to anyone I've ever dated.

I'm excited and a little freaked still. But I think that's all to be expected. Really, most of my nervousness revolves around the possibility of Xtian changing his mind. I don't do long distance very well, but, I'm not interested in finding anyone else, so we aren't left with many options.
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So, as we can see, no stress in my life at all. Yep. No stress. Could all this disruption be the reason behind my insomnia, headaches and irritability? Hmmm. I'll have to ponder that some more.