Wednesday, June 1, 2005

Boys and "Graduations"

*Sigh* Going back to work after an amazing 4 day weekend is always a drag. My days were spent hanging with family, enjoying sun and hot weather. My evenings were spent in the company of a hot man. The good: I discovered that not only is he hot, but I can actually carry on interesting conversations with him. The bad: HE LIVES IN CHICO. Of course in my imagination, he comes to visit me in Oakland, discovers that he loves it, moves in with me, gets a job that pays well, and we have dozens of children and live happily ever after. But I'm not delusional or anything.

I'm looking for problems, and, aside from the distance, not finding anything significant. This can't be good. For my neuroses. I need there to be some issues, otherwise, I will create them. You know, it's a special kind of crazy that can conjure up a relationship in my head, live it in its entirety completely through the breakup all before my morning coffee.

Oy. Found a problem. Well, maybe. While talking one night (mind you, after numerous drinks and a couple of romps) we were doing a classic 20 questions kind of thing. I asked him where he wanted to be, ideally in 5 years. His answer "either living in my own home, or building it, married: maybe, kids: no." Many people would not see a problem here, but I say, they aren't trying hard enough. He asked me the same, but prolly didn't hear the answer because, well, I hesitated so long in answering that I'm pretty sure he fell asleep. My answer "own home: hopefully, married: eh, probably not, kids: yes, hopefully a couple." Anyone see the disconnect?

Now, in my own insanity, I'm thinking I could change his mind. And I probably could. But do I want to? I hate that I am able to manipulate people so well, because it makes me want to do it. I didn't major in PR for nothing. I am a very persuasive person. I can talk almost anyone into almost anything. I know I have this ability. I try to use my powers for good, instead of evil. But using them at all feels wrong. And I hate that I want to use them.

Wow, what an absolute ass I sound like. Like I'm a superhero struggling with my mutant abilities. *Sheesh*

On a different but related note: my friend Sarah has abbreviated Christian's name in a way I find both hilarious and useful: Xtian. I love that girl. The kid's name has already caused confusion, I was talking to Jen online, told her I spent a lot of Christian time last weekend. There was a long pause, followed by "oh, the person Christian, I thought you meant the religion." Do we see the issue? Me? Spending time with Christians? Yeah, not bloody likely.

Ode to NyQuil. This is hilarious. Not to get all Denis Leary on you, but I love NyQuil, especially for its spelling. I love you, you giant fucking "Q".

While home this weekend, I went to a Jr. High School "graduation." Can I tell you how inadvertantly hilarious this is? First, I remember Jr. High. And what I don't remember is half of the girls there dressed in J. Lo-esque dresses. Seriously. Double sided tape must have come into play on most of the dresses. Wow.

Point number 2: Since we now celebrate everything, Jr. High Graduation has become entirely too precious. The program had more than 15 parts, and that didn't include the actual calling of names. That means 15 speeches, talks, songs, poems etc. Parents had photographers there, limos were lined up outside, dozens of roses carpetted the entire event. Corsages were worn. People: save it for High School, or better yet, College Graduation. Let's hope your child has better things in life to come, and this is not your last chance to make them feel "special."

Point Number 3: It is my firm belief that no one, not anyone, should ever quote themselves. Henry Kissinger does not get to say "As I so eloquently stated...." so certainly a 14-year old wearing gold lame does not get to. I don't care what you said, how amazing and life-altering it was for everyone who heard it, I don't care how many people have quoted you, YOU do not quote YOU. It's just pretentious and wrong.

There was just so much wrong with the entire event, I can barely speak.

Right, I'm off to go home and talk to a cute boy for a while. *Sigh* Suckage.

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