Thursday, May 26, 2005

Music, horses, and damn emotional neediness!

So, while I sit at work all day I'm usually listening to music at a just-loud-enough-to-slightly-annoy-everyone-but-not-so-loud-that-anyone-actually-complains levels. So far I've loaded about 25 hours worth of music onto my media player, and now I'm playing with how best to organize into totally-listenable-without-skipping-around order. Yeah, I'm totally deserving of my salary.

I got to meet Jen's horse yesterday. I'd forgotten how much I love horses. *sigh* One day, I will own acres of land, and horses. Oooh, and I'll have a stable boy to do all the work I don't want to do. Yeah, a really young cute one who speaks little English, and believes that I am the height of female attractiveness. Yeah. Good times. Wait, what the hell was I talking about?

Oh yeah, Jen's horse. Jack is huge and beautiful. I think I'm in love. While out at the stables, Jen and I got to swing on a tire swing. Totally awesome. For anyone with the chance, go for a swing, it was fabulous.

After the stable, we went out to Mill Valley (very uppitty/hippie town in the North Bay) for spectacular burgers. Like an ass, I didn't have any cash, so Jen covered the charge. While we are at the counter ordering, I thank her making an obnoxious joke along the lines of "Thanks, you're the best date ever." The dude behind the counter looks at us, smiles and asks if it's the first or third date. Jen looks confused and kind of asks "What?" And, being me had to say "He asked if it was a first or third date. He's trying to see if you're getting lucky tonight." Yes, I did. Jen turned about 4 shades of red, and dude behind counter looks awkward. Who can make everyone in a room uncomfortable with one sentence? This guy.

Back to Chico this weekend. Freaking out about the whole boy situation, as always. Why am I even bothering with this? I've already determined that I'm pretty done with casual things, and this can't get serious, with him living 3 hours away. I'm way too needy for that. But in my imagination, it all works out. That's how much of a nutter I am. Ah well, in the meantime, I'm going to enjoy having an unbelievably good looking man fawn all over me.

I hate getting all emotionally attached to men. Well, that's not true. I'm a serial monogamist at heart, I love that intimacy thing. I don't really get bored in long-term things. But what I mean is this: I hate getting all emotionally attached really early and not knowing where I stand, what he's looking for, what either of us are able to give to the other etc. I don't like ambiguity. Which is why I always make kind of random decisions. It might seem arbitrary, but at least now I have a plan and a direction. It's served me rather well so far.

Anyhow, I'm off to go have a drink, clean my home obsessively, pack clothing, and maybe drive to Chico. Took an extra day off on this delightfully long weekend. Huzzah!

No comments: