Monday, May 23, 2005

Blissed Out

So, another weekend in Chico. *sigh* Sarah graduated, although I didn't go to the ceremony. Why is it I get all emotional over this? I didn't get emotional when I graduated, but every time anyone else I know graduates from anything, I'm a weepy mess? Oh, wait I know the answer. I'm a little touched, as they say. I've always known that I'm a bit of a nutter, but it just gets worse every day. So, Congratulations Sarah!

Had a couple of dates with Christian. Deeeeeee-Licious. Totally worth only sleeping 7 hours the entire weekend. It’s great. I’m a big ball of bliss. I take every opportunity to gush. I even leave a picture of him on my desk so that people will ask, “Who is that?” just so I have an excuse to talk about him. Wow, I’m a freak. A dreamy guy actually likes me. I don’t know whether it’s funny or sad that I’m really surprised and amazed by that. Eh, Screw it, I don’t care.

And now, in classic Coley form, it’s now time to over-analyze everything and talk myself out of happiness. I know, it’s only been a couple of weeks, why get stressed? But, that’s not the way we roll around here. Here in Coley Land we’re neurotic, creative with endless powers of imagination, not terribly mentally engaged by my job and spastic, an excellent combination. I hope you enjoy a look into my thoughts:
Wow, a really good looking guy likes me. I’m so lucky. Too lucky. What if he finally sobers up and realizes that I’m not any where near good enough for him? Well, I’ll just keep buying drinks, I guess. Yeah, even drunk, he’s still fun in the sack. Oy, he’s seen me naked. Well, he has come back for more. And he seems to like women with a little……..strength (oh man, even in my thoughts I edit how I see myself. Not a good sign) on them. But he’s probably just being nice since I’m sleeping with him and bought drinks that night. Well, again, the answer is to keep him a little buzzed. Man, I live 3 hours away from him, that’s going to be a problem. And I don’t think he’s told his mom about me. Clearly, he’s embarrassed to admit he’s dating me. Hmmm, here’s a problem alcohol can’t fix. Unless…….hmm. well I’ll have to figure that one out later. Oh my gosh, what if he does come to visit me and discovers that I’m a huge pain in the ass…….

As we can see, I’m a but nuts. This is bad. Oh man, what if he discovers that I’m a bit nuts? He’ll run screaming! Stop, calming down. Breathing. Ok. I think we’ve reestablished normal breathing. This has to stop. When will I ever get over this? Probably never. Awesome. I will be crazy and therefore unlovable forever. I can’t wait.

So, we had the “numbers” talk. This is always a scary time. Especially since I’ve got years more……..what is the word…. experience than he does. Every time a male asks me “so, how many have there been?” There ensues a 15-minute discussion that goes something like this
Me: Do you really want to know?
Him: Yeah, what’s the big deal?
Me: well, I want you to think really hard, is this information that you need?
Him: Well…… Now, I’m not sure.
Me: I’ll tell you, but do you really want to know the truth, or are you wanting to hear like three?
Him: No, I want the truth.
Me: (long hesitation while I do the math) Well, you’re number _____.
Him: Oh. My. God. Umm. I have to…..go. Yeah. Wow.

So as we can see, this is never an easy thing. Every guy asks this hoping to hear “you’re the first.” Christian asks. I made him give me his numbers first. Then gave him the old, “think hard, do you really want to know?” To which he says “yes” I give him the total, and he says “Oh, you had me scared for a minute. I thought the number was going to be, like really high.” Wow. And this considering my numbers are roughly 3 times what his are. Wow. I’m impressed. He just won major points.

I’m still gushing, if you couldn’t tell.

In other news, well, nothing for now. I'm a little One-track today. Perhaps I'll have more to say tomorrow.

Good night y'all.

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