Monday, May 16, 2005

Mondays and more Rules

*sigh* Monday. I just had one of the best weekends of all time, and you know what? I did pretty much nothing. I think I spoke to like, 4 people all weekend, including cashiers. I got just enough accomplished that I could spend most of the weekend lounging about reading, watching bad Lifetime movies (Is there anything better than a REALLY bad Lifetime movie? They're all the same, the titles are terrible, the actors have all been out of work for at least a decade, but there is just something fabulous about them. Best title ever? "Revenge for my Mother's Death" baring in mind, mother died in the last 15 minutes of the movie, and there was no revenge whatsoever. Nice.) making yummy food and really involved cocktails for myself without feeling like a lazy bastard.

Most weekends, if I don't have plans, I feel like I "ought" to be doing something. Not this last weekend. Every single minute of it felt perfect. There was no place I'd rather have been and nothing I'd rather be doing. 2 full days of laying around with my kitties. *sigh* You can see why Monday is a huge letdown from such a great weekend.

On the plus-side of it being Monday, only 4 more days before I head up to Chico to see my darlingest friend graduate from college. I'm so proud of her. She's one of the smartest, sassiest women I know, and I'm so happy to see her graduate. I also love the fact that she and I have such a non-sentimental relationship that she was not the least offended when I called and asked her "What do you want/need for a graduation present?" Of course I was going to get her something, it may as well be something she wanted or needed. Gift buying is absolutely nauseating for me. I stress over every aspect, did I spend enough money? Will she really like it? Is it meaningful enough? Will she use it ever? I'm a spaz. At least with Sarah I can be honest and at least know that, while it may not be a surprise, she'll actually get some use out of it.

Another good aspect of this coming weekend? More time with new boy. I feel like a total freak for being all excited since we've barely spent any time together, haven't known eachother for that long etc. But, if nothing else, the boy is good looking and more than adequate in bed. Awesome! (Said in a non-sarcastic way.) You know, it takes a really fucked up person who, at the age of 23, is certain that this is her last chance to find love, make babies etc. Seriously. Total freak.

I'm not sure where it all goes wrong for me. On paper, I sound like a pretty cool person (at least that's what I choose to believe). I'm funny but not irritatingly so, I love sports, can talk football with the best of them, I'm not obsessed with shopping, reality TV or anything else completely idiotic. I like music, but am not an elitist hipster, I'm smart, but not unreachably so. I make fun of myself and can enjoy being teased. Oh, yeah, and I enjoy and have no problem engaging in sex for any/all reasons. I'm loyal and accepting to a fault. I will kill people who are mean to even casual acquaintances. I can cook and enjoy doing so, I'm a certified massage therapist, and while not classically beautiful, I've been found attractive in my own way.

However, somewhere along the line between hearing about me and meeting me, I lose my "allure." I know I can be loud, and sometimes I take it too far and hurt feelings, and I sound like a total bitch. But, I like to think the good outweighs the bad. Most people who choose to date me usually see that, but sometimes they don't.

The people who really don't get it? Friends' significant others. Every single boyfriend of Sarah's I've ever met has outright hated me. I'm not exagerating. One outright admitted it, another called me fat....repeatedly to my face, one just said terrible things about me, the list goes on and on.
Another friend, Sean, has only had one real girlfriend since I've known him, at least, one while I've lived in the same time zone. She's met me once. For about 5 minutes. It was right before I moved to the Bay Area and I hadn't seen my friend Sean in over a month, so was looking forward to talking to him. I didn't get to say 5 words to him all night. I wasn't impressed with her, but reserved judgement, maybe she was having a tough day. Then I'm told by Sean's roommates that she hates me.

What the fuck?

What is it I do? Am I that obnoxious?

This is why I'm hesitant to ever meet a friend's new love interest. I have feelings too. Don't people understand that I can be hurt as well? I might act bitchy about it, and make a snarky comment, but damn. That shit hurts. I have enough self-esteem problems as it is (I know, don't let the love letter to myself above fool you! Jack asses.) I don't need people to whom I'm trying really hard to be nice, making me feel like shit.

More Rules of Sexual Etiquette:
As you'll recall, my friend and I are writing a book on sexual etiquette. After my fun a couple of weeks ago, I've got a few more:

  1. People who have roommates should own and operate a very loud stereo prior to beginning any sexual activity. No one needs to make the walk past a roomful of irritated, and possibly scarred roommates once it's over.
  2. In the event alcohol has played a part in the encounter, or leading up to the encounter, keep in mind:

    • You are dehydrated. As such a bottle of lubricant and water should be made accessible before, during and after the sex. Kissing is difficult enough when a little intoxicated, let alone the dryness.... elsewhere can be problematic for days following.
    • Things you think are ok, may hurt others. If you see or taste blood, take it back a notch. No one needs to find a body part bloodied and beaten the next morning.
    • Get your damn teeth away from my neck! I don't need an awkward hickey when I'm sitting at work the next day. Normally people have enough control, with a few drinks in the picture, not so much anymore.

  3. If you would like to have a repeat encounter with this person, do not discuss the other person's proclivities after the fact, days later, over the phone. Things like "So, how was your day?" and "Wow, you are a dirty-talking bitch" do not belong in the same phone conversation. UNLESS: you are having phone sex with this person. Then, you're ok.

That's all for now. I'm sure I'll have more shortly. Well, at least the next time I have sex. Which will hopefully be soon.

OK, the "I need kids NOW" hormones are in full flow. I just got to hold and play with the sweetest baby in the world. I've got to go home, or I'll never get out of here without a felony kidnapping charge.

Peace out.

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