Happy New Year and Are We There Yet?

If there is not a new baby in our home in exactly one month, I'll be scheduled for a C section. I find it particularly silly to be so focused on avoiding the dreaded slice and dice, rather than on the fact that I'm choosing to go through another potential heinous labor. The recovery from Warren's birth took so long and was so painful even 30+ hours of unmedicated labor sounds like a way better option.

The Xmas and New Years holidays were delightful. Lots of down time with family, and aside from the fact that my 10-days of vacation turned into 10-days straight of working from home (and one day in office), it was really nice to have a lot of unstructured time.

Everyone was so thoughtful and awesome in their gift giving this year. Every gift was perfect for every recipient, without a whole lot of "I guess I have to get you something.... so here" going on.

Since Warren is now 2, and thus allowed to watch TV... Xtian and I started his video collection. For his birthday we gave him a compilation DVD of Schoolhouse Rock, and for his birthday, Season One of the Muppet Show (you remember, the variety show circa 1974?). I'm hoping to start nurturing his rapier-wit and love of ridiculous musical numbers. Also, I hope this will stave off the horrible "Dora/Barney/Whatever godawful shows are on for kids these days" viewing that I know is inevitable. I just want to postpone it for a few more years.

I'm not really much for new years resolutions. I tend to be a year round goal setting type person, and I haven't forgotten my little life-goal list on the side here. Just taking longer than I planned on a few. Luckily, come February I'll be able to cross at least one of them off the list. That being said, I would like to reflect on my cooking resolution from 2009, and start a new one.

I like to cook, and I'm usually pretty good at it. I've always been terrified of baking, it just seems too technical and precise for me. So, in 2009 I challenged myself to dive into baking. A few less-than-perfect products gave way to some pretty damned good baking. Cookies, all manner of breads (including the braided challah I gave to family for Christmas) cakes and cupcakes. I haven't started any pastry making yet... but I'm not afraid of it anymore. For 2010, I would like to challenge myself to learn to make cheese. From a quick mozzarella to more advanced aged cheeses, I'd like to be able to pull out a wheel of cheese and know that I created that. Sounds like fun, eh?

Writing for the sake of writing.

Mama is tired. I was really looking forward to visiting my lovey Sarah last weekend. I packed my bags, loaded up my truck, kissed my boys and was on the road. I got about 30 miles (which took over 45 minutes) away, when my cell phone rang. It was Xtian. Asking if I happened to have the only set of car keys in my purse. Fuck. I couldn't leave them without wheels for the entire weekend, I know they had stuff to do, and we live in the middle of nowhere. They would be totally stranded.

So, I turned around and another 50 minutes later I was back at home. And the thought of having to start the trip over made me cry. So, I made my apologies to Sarah, and settled in for a very chill weekend with the kiddo.

My mom came for a little visit this week. So Uncle Cory had a couple days off from Wu duty while my mom spoiled the kid rotten. But he's so darn cute, it's hard not too. The little dude is just charming. And I'm not being biased, he charms the pants off of everyone. Makes me worry for the horror that will be his teenage years. But we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

Meanwhile, work is ramping up big time. Some potentially exciting if frightening things coming up. But this is where I thrive, under pressure.

But, nothing is certain yet, so I'll keep my big mouth shut.

Foodwise, I have been one boring broad. Nothing exciting or even particularly delicious. It's officially too warm to enjoy cooking. But I'm thinking this weekend I'll cook up some rich, fabulous bread for Xtian. It is father's day afterall. I guess I should give him a gift, eh? Isn't that how this whole thing works? Crap. I suck at gifts.

Time to eat a dinner of Chicken McNuggets. Don't you judge me.

what the hell do you do with beets?

If you haven't already, do not rest until you have watched the pilot episode of Glee. It won't be on until the Fall, but seriously just beautiful. Since Scrubs has completely jumped the shark (and they are threatening to come back for another season. They will ruin this show come hell or high water), this will completely take it's place. 90% hilarious, and 10% poignant. And the pilot ends with them singing Journey, so you know this bitch is loving it.

Warren gives kisses these days, which is pretty much the sweetest thing ever. And then he says "thank you." It makes me giggle every time. Also, he's still obsessed with shoes. Mostly high heels, but in a pinch flip flops will do. He carries them all over the house trying to put every shoe on everyone who'll sit still. Creepy? A little. But what little kid isn't a little creepy?

Cory has himself a girlfriend. We've met her a couple of times. She's cute, seems nice, but she's a... vegetarian. She's not even militant, but whenever I spend time with a veg. I'm just certain I'm being judged. Also, I hate having to limit what I cook for dinner. I have a hard enough time making food that we all enjoy, now I have that limitation too? Well, maybe we just won't invite her for dinner. It's kind of funny watching Cory be a total teenager for once. Yesterday, he was on the phone with her from 3:00 pm until after 8. He's so adult and poised all the time, I forget he's still a teenager. And so I get to play big sister and torture him constantly, making awkward condom remarks whenever he's on the phone. I didn't get to do that with my own little brother (bugger never let on when he was dating anyone), so now I'm visiting this on Cory. I'm a horrible person.

Oh, and I have a question for you? How do you like to prepare fresh beets? I've never cooked with them at all, and my CSA box was full of beets last week. So, any suggestions? Please? I'm at a loss.

Right, I swear I'll get back into a regular posting schedule. I've got a million things to say, I just never find the time and motivation concurrently.

Yeah, I'm going there.

So, since I'm feeling uninspired, I'm going to share with you the recipe the butternut squash risotto I made for dinner tonight. Hells of good.


One medium butternut squash, peeled, de-seeded, chopped into 1/2 inch cubes. Toss with 3 tablespoons of olive oil, salt and pepper. Spread on a lined baking sheet, and roast at 375 degrees for about 40 minutes (my oven sucks, so yours might go faster. Looking for soft inside, carmelly brown outside).

While the butternut is roasting, pour 4-6 cups of chicken stock into a pot, and keep over low heat. No simmering or boiling, just keeping it warm.

Take your widest shallow pan, throw it over medium heat, toss in 3 tablespoons olive oil, and 3 tablespoons of butter. While that heats up, finely dice a big yellow onion. Once the oil is hot and butter is melted, throw the onions in the pan and stir to coat in the fat. Sprinkle a little salt and pepper.

After a few minutes, the onions should be nice and soft but not brown. Pour in 2 cups or so (I never measure. I suck) of arborio rice, or hulled barley if you're keen. Stir to coat in the fat, until the rice is kind of see-through. Pour in 1/4-1/2 cup white wine (or if you don't have white wine, do what I did, pour in vodka). Stir it all around until the liquid evaporates.

Ladle in some chicken stock. Just enough so that the rice is mostly submerged. Stir vigorously periodically, until the liquid has mostly evaporated (when you pull your spoon across the bottom, the trail should stay open). Keep doing that same move until you have about 2-3 ladles worth of chicken stock left. Sprinkle in a little nutmeg if you feel the yen.

About this time, your butternut squash should be looking like pure heaven. Take it out of the oven, throw it into your rice and stir roughly. You're looking to break down some of the squash cubes, but not dissolve them all the way.

When the rice is ready for more liquid, toss in the last of the stock, and stir roughly until it's evaporated. Then add a tablespoon of butter, salt, pepper and 1/2 cup of parmigiano cheese. Stir it, man. Should be really thick and really creamy looking. Taste it. Rice done? Taste yummy? All good. Serve it up.

If your rice is still crunchy at all, just stir in some more stock or water until it's perfectly cooked for your liking.

This my friends, is delicious. And now it is yours to impress the shit out of your dinner guests with. If you want to be really fancy, you can sprinkle some chopped sage or parsley over it. I didn't have either, so I just served as is. Also, my boys so don't care about "pretty food." They just want to shovel it in.

Enjoy.

Recap and hopes of things to come...

So, Journey is still delightful. The new singer is about 22 years old, and the rest of the band seems to be reveling in his youth. The set was great, even though they insisted on playing "new" material. Look, you are Journey. We came to hear you play about 5 songs. Play them. Don't dick around with this, "the best selling Journey album in 20 years!" garbage. I can't believe you all still even bother. But, well put together show, and Kat and I decided that she should probably marry the new singer. Just a good idea. He could wake her up every morning by singing Forever Yours, Faithfully. And who wouldn't love that?
Also, if you have the chance to see Heart? Please do it. I know, it's like 30 years later, but those babes are still powerhouses of awesome.
I officially hate the venue, though. They oversold the lawn seating to the point where it was standing room only before Heart went on, (Journey being the main attraction for the evening) and there were still several hundred people milling about getting beer and food. Unbelievably bad.
But the show was awesome, I got to have a nice visit with my family and Warren showed off how cute he is, so all in all a delightful trip.


My friend Meghan was writing about her desire to be more conscious of the food she buys and eats. Kind of funny how you drift toward similarly minded folks throughout your life, eh? Her musings remind me of a lot of the same thought processes I've been going through the last few years. I know all the things I'm supposed to be doing, and I'm working on it.

I want to eat locally, sustainably, organically and seasonally. I believe it's the best way to nourish myself, my family and also our environment. But I also want to stop spending money like we do. And you know what? It is often expensive to buy said foods. I've worked really hard at finding the cheaper places for produce and think I've got a decent balance of our local natural market and the farmer's market. I opt to make most foods from scratch, rather than pre-prepared. I haven't even bought ice cream in forever, opting to make it instead with some organic, local dairy and chocolate. My next project is learning to bake all my own breads so I don't have to buy expensive and still pretty tasteless bakery products.
But, I just can not afford organic meats. I bought them exclusively until Warren was born and Cory moved in. And feeding 3 full sized humans with the extra expenses of having a kid? Has just made it impossible. I try to buy the best meats I can, but more often than not, it's what's on sale at Costco.

I want to reduce my family's impact on the environment. We've reduced our water usage impressively, and we're getting better about recycling EVERYTHING we can. We use reusable rags instead of paper towels, I use cloth diapers and cloth baby wipes (except for most travel and some emergency situations). All and all, I feel that our household is doing well in that respect. Although I really need to swap out our cleaning supplies for less toxic versions. (And I've tried all the "organic" soaps, shampoos etc. and they are just awful. My hair was never so shitty. So, I object to that, but still aim for "biodegradable" and as natural as I dare).

Where the wheels fall off is car use. I work 35 miles from my home. And while I could take BART and a bus to get to my work, it costs the same money and takes 45 minutes longer each direction. I feel terrible guilt over this, but jeesus, I already have so little time with my family, I don't feel good about sacrificing yet another hour and a half of time I could be with them. Also, we live in a neighborhood that was publicized recently for having over 400 liquor stores and not a single grocery store. No wonder poor people eat so poorly. If you don't have fresh, good foods available, you want to know what's left? Go to the nearest gas station, see the foods? That's what you can buy in my neighborhood. Also, when you have a kid, it's just more work than I am able to put in sometimes, to load up the stroller and walk a couple of miles to do my errands.

And that's part of the reason I'm trying to get my family to move. I really want to plan where we live more thoughtfully than "It's cheap, it's available. Let's move." I want to live closer to my family, so that it's not a 3 hour drive any time we see each other. I want to live within an easy walk or bike ride of my work. I want to live in an area where it's easier to walk where we need to go, than drive. I want to be able to walk to a restaurant we enjoy, a grocery store, a coffee shop and a bar. Right now, we have none of these things within walking distance. We do have convenience stores and liquor stores. So, if you need some Marb lights, some Swishers and a bottle of cheap booze, I've got you covered.

When it finally dawn on me and Xtian that we'd eventually have to leave the bay area, we started plotting where we should go. I had a lot of criteria. No farther from my parents than we already are; needs to be a decent mix of races (we can't be the only, white/black/mixed people in the area); needs to be a big enough city to have the things we need; needs to have a healthy economy so that we can stay there; and preferably be cheaper to live than in the bay area.
We finally did some research and decided to aim for Sacramento. Our plan of action is this:
I find a job there, find a 3-bedroom place to live, Xtian and Cory put in their notice, we pack up and move. Xtian will use his Paid Family leave time while we get there and settled in. Giving him 6 weeks to find a job, daycare etc. That's been the plan for the last 6 months.

This move will be the next step in moving my family in the direction we want to go in. Hopefully, this move will be a great opportunity to adjust all these things I'd like to be doing differently. I'd love to spend that extra couple of hours with my kid, have more time and money to live my ideals, rather than feeling guilty for taking the shortcuts and knowing that I could be doing better for myself and my family.

In that vein, I'm almost afraid to mention...I have my first job interview in Sacramento tomorrow. It's my first call back from all this time I've been looking, so I'm understandably nervous. So, if everyone could think some good thoughts for me tomorrow at around 3 pm? I'd super, super appreciate it.

Stuff and things

Dude, so my last post was number 420. Huh huh. Sorry, turns out stoner humor never dies. It just gets more awkward as you get older.

Quick note, consider it a public service announcement. If you haven't seen the movie "Once" do yourself a favor, and get that movie this instant. It's so beautiful, and sweet. And yes, it's categorized as a Musical, but it's not like that. It's about a street musician, and the songs are there because of it. It's not like the characters are eating dinner and burst into song and choreographed dance. So, don't let that dissuade you. I'm so in love with the movie, that I'm rocking out to the soundtrack as I type.


So, I'm going public with this in the hope it'll force me to actually succeed. I have decided to lose 35 pounds by October 1. I figure that's a decent enough amount of weight to really change how I look and feel, but is still a doable figure. I found a fitness tracker dealie online that has proven addictive, but is also keeping me honest. I've been working on it for just about a week, and I'm down a pound and a half. Which is pretty well on track to meet my goal.

But here's where things get sketchy. Every time I do any conscious weight loss, I realize that after all this time, I still have a totally unhealthy relationship with food, weight and my body in general. As a young girl and into my teens and if I'm perfectly honest, well into my 20s, I used starvation as a way to punish my body for not being what I wanted. I used the feeling of hunger pains the way other people cut themselves. It hurts, but in a way that feels good. Because it's what my body deserved. And when I finally broke down and ate something, I'd hate myself and punish myself with exercise and forced vomiting.

This is a cycle I'm working really hard to break, but it's the only way I knew how to control my body. I do not know how to eat food without bringing punishment or reward into the equation. So, while I've been obsessively tracking my calories in vs calories out, I've been trying really hard to not limit my calories too much. Otherwise, I start playing the "How little can I eat and still get through the day" game, not very healthy, eh? And really fucked up that I still remember my all-time record. 200 calories a day for more than a week. And even more fucked up, I feel inadequate for not being able to do it again. These are the types of thoughts I'm trying to curb.

So far, I've been doing pretty well. But as soon as I let up on disciplining my thoughts, I find the shitty things creeping back in. Just before noon yesterday, I was feeling hungry. Rather than using that as a signal to eat my lunch I stayed put and reveled in the feeling for another hour and a half, seeing how long I could hold out before I gave in. That was a familiar sensation and when I finally recognized it I went and grabbed my lunch. Which is progress for me. I used to try to keep that hungry feeling for a day at a time. Then two. Then three. Or eat just enough to take the edge off the pain. Of course, I didn't do that. I ate my entire lunch, and felt fine.

But it doesn't take much to bring it all back. This is when I wish I'd kept up with therapy. How many people recovering from eating problems actually know how to eat without it being a punishment, or a reward? Am I going to have to be this vigilant for the rest of my life? Is it ever going to come naturally? Eat when you are hungry, stop when you are satisfied.
Sounds so simple.
But it's just not.

Action Warren!

Yeah, can you tell what my folks gave us for a Mother's Day and early Father's Day gift?
The camera kicks so much ass, it's ridiculous. HOwever, the software that comes with it, not so much. Hence every night for this entire week has seen me hunched over my computer for hours at a time, intermittently beating my fists against the desk, screaming at the computer and cursing technology in general. I still can't load the videos from the camera to my computer (oh, and did I mention that I'll never be able to do anything on my home computer? Turns out, my geriatric laptop is finally completely incompatible with any software you can buy. Luckily, I have this big ol' work computer just sitting here, so I'll be using that. Yeah, thanks work computer!) but at least I found enough work arounds, and it only took killing one of my unrewritable dvds to do it.

That right there is the reason we had a GREAT mother's day, but a "meh" anniversary. Hard to be sweetie pie when you're too busy screaming profanity at a computer. So, that's that.

Yesterday, it was 101 degrees in Oakland. No joke there. Now, I've lived in Chico, where it can get up to 118 no problem for most of the summer. But this is Oakland. Before this week, the hottest temp I've ever seen in Oakland was maybe 88. I know, that makes me spoiled, but it also means that most of Oakland does not have air conditioning. And did I mention that my house has metal siding, and most of our windows either don't open, or don't have screens so we can't open them without having cats throwing themselves out the window? So yesterday we just baked. It was miserable. How do you cook a meal when your house is officially 103 degrees (yes, it was hotter inside than out. Spectacular)? I decided we needed to order pizza instead. If you have a Mountain Mike's pizza near you, do yourself a favor and order the BBQ Chicken Luau. I know it sounds weird to have chicken, pineapple and BBQ sauce on a pizza, but it is quite honestly the tastiest pizza in the world. I might even prefer it to ... Zachary's. I know, strong words. But seriously...awesome.

Right, so sometime over the weekend, I need to buy a dress to wear to an evening wedding. Damned formal attire! All the dresses I own are either black (and therefore completely inappropriate for a Summer Time Wedding) or way to casual for an evening affair. Did I mention that I hate shopping? Because I HATE SHOPPING.

In the meantime, visit my flickr page to see more LIVE! ACTION! WARREN! If'n you're into that sort of thing.

Is there anything better than waking up to a pile of snuggly kitties?

So, the daily schedule is off to a much more promising start. Same deal, up before the drunks have gone to bed, hit the gym, shower, and back in bed. Xtian only works a half day on Wednesdays, so I got up when he got home at 9:30. Breakfast has been had, hot cocoa is on the way and soon we'll both go to the Mall for some preliminary Xmas shopping.

Tomorrow, I think I'll attempt some baking. I've got a kickass recipe for Ginger Spice cookies (like gingersnaps, except chewy and moist), and I'm feeling pretty Donna Reed these days. Perhaps I should invest in some high heels and pearls for housecleaning?

Oh and in answer to JP, the Turkey Tetrazzini was AWESOME. But, I don't like mushrooms, so instead I cooked up a couple of slice onions in butter, made the cream sauce and threw the pasta, turkey and sweet peas in before baking. Oh, and not to forget the cheese. SO much CHEESE! I'm so hitting those leftovers ( I know, leftovers of the leftovers, we're getting ridiculous around here) for lunch. Xtian liked it so much, he took a serving of it for breakfast, and ate it on his break at work. To quote him directly, "I sat in the truck at work eating it and shouting 'GODDAMN THIS IS GOOD!'"
Have I mentioned that I love that man?

Oh, and in completely happy and relief-inducing news, my big girl kitty is actually frisky! She'd been so out of sorts and mopey and mean for so long, I'd thought she was just getting old and crotchety. Turns out, she was sick and feeling miserable. So, two weeks of antibiotics and she's running around the house stirring shit up with the other cats. I was so worried that we'd have to put her down if this course of meds didn't work. (As the doctor said, if this isn't it, it's probably cancer eating away at her skin. And if it were cancer, we'd have had to put her down.) But, it is working and she's back to the sweet cuddly, feisty cat I've always known her to be. *Sigh*

I was so annoyed at having to go buy stamps, and yes they were for thank you notes, Faith. Nice guess. Actually, I don't mind writing Thank yous. I really hate addressing envelopes and stamping things. Isn't that strange? Well, anyhow. I was particularly annoyed because I was only two stamps short. And that's a bitch. So, yeah, a drive downtown, parking in Chinatown, and the whole thing took me 4 minutes. Threw a couple bucks in a machine and viola! Stamps.

Ooh, better figure out what I'm making for dinner tonight. Only 7 hours until I plan to eat it, so clearly now is the time to start working on it.

Oh man, this is going to be rough.

So the salmon cakes were, meh. Xtian ate them with much relish, but he'll pretty much eat anything I slap on a plate and call "Dinner." I think next time I'll make them about half the size, since the best part was the outside where it got all delightfully browned. Trial and error I suppose.

Speaking (or is it writing?) of trial and error, my first attempt at a daily routine is not off to a fantastic start. As per the plan, I got up at the normal 4 am, (same time Xtian gets up for work) and went to the gym. I got home around 6, took a shower, and climbed back into bed for a little nap. I woke up at 11 am. So, not so much of a nap, more like an entire night of sleep. But here we are. Did some phone calling, and now it's lunchtime. I've planned an errand to run for later, just to get out of the house when people are actually awake. Starting slow, just buying some stamps. Wouldn't want to overdo it, now, would I?

You know, come to think of it, I haven't purchased stamps in... probably 6 years. Sheesh. How does one avoid such a basic life necessity. Do I just go to the post office? I guess... Man, Xtian is way better at these errands than I am. This is why I can never be a full time at home person. The less actual "Stuff" I have to do, the less I get done. Without a job to get my ass out of the house everyday, I'm fairly certain I'd rarely leave the couch or bed. Too many good books to read and movies to watch.

Ok, Turkey Tetrazzini is the planned food for tonight. Gotta use those leftovers! I'll let you know if it's any good.

Holy crap, I'm so bored with what I just wrote, you must be dying of boredom to actually read it. Work with me, I'm trying to keep posting a daily habit so it'll continue. It does mean that you'll probably be wading through some pretty awful stuff around here. I'd apologize, but clearly, I don't feel badly enough to NOT post it. So, yeah. There it is.

Naptime Already?

It becomes very apparent that I need a routine. Of some kind. So far, it's been all weekend all the time around here. Since Xtian has a weird work schedule, all my time off so far, he's been home. Which is delightful, as we rarely get more than a day together. But tomorrow he's at work, and the reality of maternity leave without the baby will come to fruition.

On the positive, I've maintained my workout schedule (mostly, give me a break, chest colds are a bitch, and coughing my way through the gym tends to make others uncomfortable), managed to shower every day, and the amount of time I spend cooking has doubled. That's kind of nice. On Sunday, I made Thanksgiving, part two. While I love my family, and enjoy the food presented at my aunt's gathering, it's not how I'd do things. There are a few food items without which IT IS NOT THANKSGIVING. And even though my aunt's broccoli and cheese dish is tasty, it does not take the place of green bean casserole.

So, I bought a little turkey, and made my green beans, my stuffing, my gravy and mashed potatoes and put together a veritable feast. It was delightful. Had I been thinking, I'd have taken a picture of my beautiful herb stuffed turkey, roasted to perfection. But, I was too involved with eating it. And surprisingly, even though it was just me and Xtian eating it, there really isn't that much food leftover. (Did I mention Mocha Cub is steadily dropping, leaving me with MORE stomach space than I've had in months? And that this means I can double my portion size? Coley = happy.)

On the menu for this evening: Salmon cakes and baby greens. Warning, this blog here just may be sliding into "food blog" territory. But again, since it's all about me, and my world has just shrunk a great deal, the content here is about to shrink as well. So, yeah. I'm depending on you all to provide me with a link to the rest of the normal adult world.

Of Food and Fat Clothes

A few weeks ago, I noticed that while I can eat pretty much anything, absolutely nothing is satisfying me. I mean, I feel hunger, but everything sounds about as appetizing as corrugated cardboard. Pregnancy has robbed me of my favorite hobby: food.

After years of hating and being obsessed with food, I finally started to like food. It took me until almost 22 years, but the love affair between me and food has been as torrid and passionate as any bodice ripping Fabio be-covered romance novel would have us believe. I think about food, I research food, I watch tv about food, I talk about food. Hell, I menu plan just so I have another excuse to think about food.

And now, food has left me unsatisfied with no other alternative. Even foods I love leave me flaccid and disappointed. This is bullshit. Nothing has enough flavor to make me happy. So, I’ve been cooking the most pungent, flavor loaded food you can imagine. But even my glorious black bean chili failed. French fries…don’t even ask. When it comes time to make dinner, I can’t shake this feeling of “why bother?”

Just like *that* all my normal vim and vigor is reduced to a mere monotony of events. It is sad.


Also sad: The state of my wardrobe. I purchased about 6 work-appropriate maternity outfits. And I officially either hate, or am quickly out growing them all. I have a hard time justifying spending money on clothes normally, let alone clothing I know I will have no use for in as little as 3 months. And did you know that you can’t find a single maternity shirt without ruffled sleeves? Because you can’t. And you know how I’m the opposite of femme? Yeah. To quote my older sister, “Cute shirt. But those ruffled sleeves do make you look a bit like you’re in drag.” I kind of thought so too. Damn.

I’m tired. Is it time to go home yet?

Perhaps it's all the sugar...

Ok, so that was weird. The knocked up VP just came into my office for a command belly showing. I mean, I get it. We’re both pregnant. But, we weren’t friends before and I see no reason to be friends now. Just strange the way pregnant people and especially their bellies become public property. People feel able to say things and ask questions that would NEVER even be considered when speaking to a non-pregnant lady.
Imagine asking a casual acquaintance, “How’s the uterus today?” “Are your breasts sore?” “Having any gas?” You wouldn’t do it ever. But these are the types of questions I’m answering every time I run into another human in the hallway. And then people wonder why I’m holed up in my office all day every day.

Yesterday I decided to give myself a treat for breakfast and made a Nutella sandwich. (If you don’t know what Nutella is, or you don’t like Nutella, I don’t think we can be friends anymore. Nutella is a chocolate and hazelnut spread similar to creamy peanut butter. Except it is made of chocolate and hazelnuts. Two of the ruley-est foods every found). So, I slathered two pieces of bread with a THICK layer of the stuff, put it in a bag, and off to work I went.
After one bite, I decided that I hate that bread. It was so dense chewing was difficult. Swallowing: impossible. So instead I pulled the bread apart and licked all the Nutella off. Sounds like a balanced breakfast to me. But seriously? I want everything to be made of Nutella. All food products should be made out of chocolate. We’d all be much happier people.
Except for people who don’t like chocolate. But those people should be summarily executed anyway.

I’ve found that being constantly tired, emotional and irrational really brings out the fascist in me. In the past week I’ve lamented that a mother hadn’t aborted her ill-mannered child; an old person hadn’t just kicked off yet; that we can’t round up all people I find unnecessary and leave them in a compound in Siberia; that ex-boyfriends aren’t all immediately shipped across country in an unprecedented exchange program; and that at least 15 states in the US could be blown off the map, and no one would miss them (Florida? Gone. Arkansas? Forget it.); and that working reproductive organs aren’t handed out only after passing a general IQ and common sense test, administered by me.

Wow, writing that all down really makes me look awesome. Or something.

I’m tons of fun these days.

Wherein I whine about my head hurting.

Yeah, so headaches are on the menu for today. Why do I keep feeding myself lies about them going away? As I look back through posts, it’s just about every other day I’m ready to decapitate myself to get a little relief. But I keep pretending that it’s only every few weeks. So, I guess self-deception isn’t very effective.

It’s genetic testing day, and I was warned to give them my most recent weight. So this morning I hopped on the gym’s scale only to find that all weight I’ve gained since being pregnant has come off. Seriously, body? The only time in my life where it’s a bad idea to be losing weight, and with no extra effort on my part, I’m dropping 4 pounds a week. This is some bullshit.

(And just to stem the advice: I’m eating. I’m eating often. I’m eating well. Now, let’s move on).

This weekend is Gay Pride in San Francisco. I can’t wait! I’ve made it out to some of the festivities before, but I’ve yet to attend the parade. This is the year. I’ll have to bring my camera, as shenanigans are always pervasive. MC is a lucky little fetus. In the course of one summer, MC will get to see naked people proudly strutting on the streets of a major city, The Wu Tang Clan, Rage Against the Machine, Mos Def and more live from in the womb. How many kids get this much excitement before they’re even born? Few if any.

I’m almost done torturing poor Xtian via command Charmed viewings. And, to be honest, I’m a little sad to think about it being over. 7 seasons, 6 discs each is a lot of time committed. And I’m not sorry.

So, I’ve had three nights in a row of amazing dinners, only to find that I hate them all in leftover form. (Turns out, Chicken pot pie, crab cakes with roasted red pepper sauce and Macaroni and cheese with spinach all made from scratch DO NOT get better the next day). So, yet again, I heated up my lunch, took one bite and promptly threw it out. Maybe after labs I’ll pick up a Taco Salad. Goddamn, I love Taco Salad. (It’s a salad with more than 1000 calories. How can that suck?)

Right. I’m just rambling on about bullshit, I know. I apologize. But since my posting has been all garbage lately anyway, I’ve decided to keep the bar low. Just makes life easier right now. Let’s hope for 15 hours of sleep tonight *fingers crossed* since I’ve slept like shit all week.
Peace, and I’m out. Or something.

So, Jen was like, "POST ALREADY!" So I was like, "Um, Ok."

Reason’s to love my husband:

1. While putting on my first pair of maternity jeans, he tells me with sheer joy and delight, “They have room for your butt to get BIGGER!”
2. When I can’t sleep, and so wake him up to see if he’ll make out with me, he in no way hesitates, even when he has to wake up in two hours.
3. No matter how much work he puts into “helping” me make dinner; he still does the dishes without being asked.
4. When I tease him for any number of silly man-things, (over indulging on chicken wings, grabbing my ass every time I walk by him, watching 6 hours straight of sports highlights etc) he responds with a grin, saying, “I’m not sorry.”
5. Calls me as soon as he hears any Raiders’ related news on the radio, even though he could not care less about my football team.

I think I’ve gushed enough about Xtian for the day, let’s move on.

I love Twix bars. But my question is this: If the whole candy, both fingers, is called “Twix”, what does one call an individual finger of the Twix? Is it a Twick? Or is it a singular Twix? I’m confused. And it bothers me. (Yes Faith, I’m currently eating Twix. Jealous? Muwahahahahaha)

Dude, I do not like talking to people in the bathroom. So, if I’m entering a stall while you’re washing your hands, please don’t talk to me. I keep having random coworkers start a conversation while we’re both peeing. This is awkward. But if I don’t respond, it’s weird too. So, I just make every effort to only use the ladies’ while it’s completely unoccupied. This takes some precise timing, but I think it’s worth it.

I just had my first pasta dish since I got knocked up, and was able to eat it with relish. Hurray for Trimester the Second! Also, Hurray for Three-Cheese Lasagna with Super Meat Sauce! It’s so nice to cook a meal, and then be able to eat it. I know, doesn’t sound like much, but for the last few months, I’ll spend an hour making an elaborate dinner, only to be completely unable to eat it.
What could I eat: Ramen, Chicken McNuggets (only from McDonald’s none of those spicy chicken fingers from Burger King), Mashed Potatoes, French fries. Bland, salty and fatty.
Yes, a very balanced diet, wouldn’t you say?

For the first time in my entire life, my doctor showed concern because I hadn’t gained weight. I’m kind of loving this pregnancy thing. I’ve only put on about 3-4 pounds since I got pregnant, and the doctor is a little concerned. Methinks that now I’m able to eat with pleasure again, the lack of weight gain won’t be brought up again. (But hey, maybe my body is just an asshole and only puts on weight when I’m actively trying to lose it. Now that I’m supposed to put on weight, I’m eating like a pig and only working out to make impending labor easier and am only gaining about .2 pounds a week. I love this game!)

OH! And we got to hear Mocha Cub’s heartbeat yesterday. The coolest thing in the world. Sure, we got to see MC on the ultrasound, but we turned out to only be 6 weeks along, so it was a blob with a little flutter for a pulse. This was way neat, and Xtian’s face was so excited I almost died. It really reminded me why I wanted to have children with this man. Who doesn’t want to procreate with a person who is just dying to be a good daddy?
And now I’m going to cry, because I’m still an emotional, sleep-deprived wreck of hormones.
Happy Thursday y’all!

Only Bitches Talk Shit.

Part I: Rant No One Cares About

So, I’ve had digital cable since I moved to the Bay Area, almost 3 years ago. Generally it has worked fine for me, and any issues I’ve had were dealt with quickly and without cost to me.

However, in the last 6 months or so, my cable reception has gone to shit. Half the channels, which I pay EXTRA for, do not come in at all, and the rest of the channels are choppy. Not to mention that all reception keeps dying periodically (You know, like in the last 20 minutes of the last Gilmore Girls Episode, ever!). I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the day before the cable died for two days, I called to get my cable fixed. Here is how it went down:

They will fix it, but they’ll charge me on top of my ridiculous monthly charges. When I told them, no they would not be charging me to service THEIR equipment; they informed me that I am responsible for the equipment in my home. Here’s the thing, when I cancel cable, I will not be keeping the equipment. The cable company will demand it back. So, since it’s not MY equipment, how can I be responsible for it’s maintenance? So, fuck all that noise, I’m getting a satellite dish. And Comcast can bite my ass.

Part II: Really Random Food Things

Food is such a challenge these days. For weeks, all I could get down were plain turkey sandwiches. Now, I can’t even stand the site of a damn Quizno’s store.

Generally, I’m not a big cream cheese fan. This week, I can’t get enough of the stuff into my body. I’m pretty sure I’d eat it by the spoonful if I had the means.

All food sounds disgusting at all times. But I’m constantly STARVING. Makes deciding what to eat a true joy.

Part III: Semi-Political Rant In Which I Piss Off Half the People I Know

First things First: Whom does Mitt Romney think he’s fooling? He’s never going to be elected President. I’ll tell you why I’ll never vote for him.

I’ve made my feelings on religion in general and the Mormon religion in particular, clear. If it works for you, great. Just leave me alone, and don’t go pushing your shit on me. (Shit being hang-ups about gays, abortion, birth control, global warming, whatever. Believe what you want, just stop trying to legislate morality. If you don’t believe in abortion, don’t have one. Repeat for all other topics). I will never vote a Mormon into office because I know from experience that Mormons cannot compartmentalize their religion from the rest of their lives. It’s not just what they believe, it’s who they are and what they do. So, if a Mormon were to get into office, they would feel duty-bound to create legislation that would destroy many things that I hold dear. Women’s rights over their own body, consenting adults being able to marry without regards to genitalia etc.

I think most other non-Mormons would agree with this line of thinking. But I also think everyone is afraid to say anything because they don’t want to start the religion debate. And I would agree that one’s religion really shouldn’t determine their ability to run a country. Except after living in this fundamentalist regime for the last 7 years, I’m a little terrified of any candidate with a “God is telling me, and only me, what to do. So if you disagree with me, you are inherently evil,’ mindset.

Second: Immigration “Reform” Ok, how many illegal immigrants do you know that have $5000 lying around? Yeah, none for me either. And this proposed legislation will never work. Temporary worker visas sound like a great idea. Until you look down the road a little. Now the government will know exactly where to find immigrants and do whatever they please to them. Since illegal immigrants live in constant fear of being found and sent either to jail or back to the conditions that made living life in poverty look like the promised land, they won't exactly be lining up to tell the government their home address.

Why do people get all pissed off about this? Illegal immigrants are NOT taking jobs that other people are trying to get. Most work for significantly less than minimum wage, without benefits or any protection. We all benefit from this system: going out to dinner is affordable for most people because restaurant owners can pay their back-of-house staff about $3/hour, tax-free. We can afford to buy produce because migrant workers are paid Dustbowl-like wages. Without these workers, lettuce would cost about $12 per head just so farmers can cover their costs.

This whole mindset that we are entitled and “they” are not is purely destructive. People who feel they are at a disadvantage find someone else to blame. (To put it into alarmist terms this is how the Nazi Party won over Germany. Things are hard, we'll serve you up a scapegoat.) So, poorer Americans blame illegal immigrants for their trouble. I know, I know, it’s human nature and all that jazz. It just pisses me off. What especially pisses me off, my father (a freaking immigrant himself) is SO anti-immigration it makes me nuts. But then again, for a man who has chosen NOT to become a citizen, and therefore forfeited his right to vote, he sure has way more opinions than he needs.

Ok, I’m off my soapbox now. I really need to stop watching the news while I work out in the mornings. Just gets me all pissed off first thing in the morning.

*PS: Many thanks to Lil John for the title of this post. I've had this song stuck in my head for three days. Again, my child will have a VERY interesting vocabulary.

Throw some D's on that bitch.

Oh my, the tiredness, she is upon us. I was reading my book while I ate a little lunch, and could not keep my eyes open. I attempted to just put my head down for a few minutes and catch a little rest, but the people in my office do not understand that’s NOT an invitation to check in with me. I know it’s out of concern (or gossip possibilities), but DUDE! I’m trying to catch a little catnap before I have to be back on my game. You asking, “Is everything ok?” is not helping.

That’s it; a soda and a Ho Ho are completely called for.

~~
I realize that the people I work with are not always the smartest or most socially savvy people in the world. But, really, I didn’t expect to be drilled about the reason I quit the softball team. Most people just mention that I quit, ask if everything’s ok, and move on. I guess they realize that when medical stuff is involved it’s not usually any of their business. Except for one guy. He dropped by yesterday to ask about my leaving the team. But wouldn’t let me leave it at, “Well, my doctor said I shouldn’t be playing, hopefully I’ll be back next season.” Larry needed to know why. And kept asking. I finally had to say, “I’m not comfortable talking about it, so I’d appreciate your respecting that.” Would it even occur to you to start quizzing someone you’ve only spoken to in passing about their medical situation? Now, granted, I’ll eventually tell my office about Mocha Cub, but it’s entirely too early to be public knowledge (although I don’t seem to have any problem publishing it on the internet, so maybe I’m a smidge retarded…)

Damned if that Ho Ho didn’t make me want another. Curse you and your deliciously awful dessert products, Hostess! Oh well, I haven’t gained any weight since I got pregnant, so I’m completely justifying my near-constant eating.

Oooh, I think I saw some donuts in the kitchen… this has definite possibilities.
Rock the Tuesday, yo.

Lack of Self Awareness is AWESOME!

At my place of employment, there is a large break room. The building itself is only a few years old, and the break room is set up with brand new, fancy pants appliances, ovens, stoves, warming drawers etc. I’m pretty sure I could cook one sweet ass feast in this kitchen. As such, I pretty much always bring my lunch, since I have all the tools for making something delicious and generally healthful.

Also in this break room are three vending machines, one for Coke, one for Pepsi and one for assorted snacks. These soda machines get refilled a couple of times a week since everyone who works here has at least two sodas a day. (I know, I just vomited a little at the thought of it too.) The vending machine has your general fare: candy bars, some random Hostess cupcakes, potato chips and the row of gum and mints at the bottom.

At least once a day I hear someone complaining about all the “unhealthy” choices in the vending machine. I always laugh at this because: 1) It’s a vending machine. It’s not refrigerated, what are you honestly expecting, a fresh salad? Not happening. 2) Since it’s the same 20 people who frequent the vending machine, clearly they know they get hungry every day. So, if they were truly concerned about their healthy snacking, they should probably plan ahead and bring a healthy snack like the rest of us.

These snide thoughts run through my head every day when I hear someone throwing money into the machine, then complaining about how they are gaining weight. (Umm, the cause clearly hasn’t been connected to the affect yet.) Today, I actually took a moment to look at the vending machine. The machine is half empty right now, due to be refilled, so I can’t speak for what is missing. But here are just a few of the options still available: packets of smoked almonds, fruit snacks sweetened only with fruit juice, whole grain wheat thins, low-fat pretzels, low-fat popcorn, trail mix, animal crackers and more. And while this isn’t the healthiest food out there, it’s freakin’ amazing by vending machine standards.

So, clearly, the healthier options are there, people just prefer the 26 grams of fat per serving potato chips, the refined sugar crammed candy bars. But by voicing loudly their complaint, “Isn’t there anything HEALTHY to eat in here?” they are cleansing their conscience from any liability in their expanding fatness.

I know we all make justifications for our own behavior. It helps alleviate guilt and culpability in our own faults. But it’s just too much fun to catch people making their excuses for chowing down on 1,000 calories worth of garbage food BETWEEN MEALS!
I’ve never understood snacking. I guess I don’t really categorize my meals the same way. I’m rarely hungry on a normal schedule. I find it difficult to eat within 3 hours of waking up, so if I’m hungry and it’s 10 am, I’ll call that breakfast. When I’m not at work looking for ways for the day to go faster, I don’t get hungry again until after 3, at which point, I’ll eat, then usually skip dinner. (Yes, that does make me eligible for the early bird special. I know, I know, I’m 90 years old.)


I have no idea where this rant came from. But I’m posting this crap anyway because…I can.


Happy Tuesday, softball is tonight. Any bets on how badly we get our asses kicked tonight?