I have not had a single interaction with my mother-in-law in over 4 years. It has been delightful. We got cell phones and never gave her my number. I blocked her email addresses, and we moved a few times in the last four years. All this means even if she wanted to, she could not communicate with me.
She still texts Xtian periodically, ranging from "Love you!" to screaming diatribes about everything under the sun. Since she no longer has our home address she was sending things to my father's office, so my dad can deliver it to Xtian. My dad would dutifully bring the bizarre packages whenever we were together, and find a private moment to give them to Xtian, but it still embarrassed Xtian to an unbelievable degree.
Frankly, for the most part, I feel sorry for her. She has two wonderful, kind, beautiful sons. She has two grandsons she's never met. But her mental illness and general toxicity means that I will not allow her near my children or myself. It means Cory will never speak to her again. It means that Xtian cringes anytime he gets a text. He won't stop having some kind of relationship with her, but he also tries to limit it. It's awkward, and it's painful for everyone involved, but I'm working on being supportive.
It's not ideal, but Xtian is doing what he can to maintain a reasonable level of happiness, without the guilt that he hurt his mom. He's a good guy, but man did she mess him up in a lot of ways.
I'm not writing here to embarrass him, or even to lampoon Tracy. I'm writing because if I don't write it down somewhere I will explode. After more than four years of silence, she got a new email address and managed to get through my "Crazy Filters." I received the following email a few days ago, and I'm seething:
"Continuing to lie to my son to make miscommuinaction or lack of
communication is wrong. I never have been in a conversatinon with you
father an I do mto waste my time bad mouthing anyone. Sorry for your
errors. The cascade of falslehoods listed n my sons last letter are all
erroneous and I consider the source.
Xtian and Cory are not fools as you think....."
So, some background: I have no idea what she is referring to in the first portion. Clearly, I'm not in charge of what Xtian does, and the only thing I have asked is that he not send pictures of my children. I am not going to let them become part of her fantasy worlds, nor will I let her use them for her own insane purposes. Two years ago Xtian wrote her a letter asking her to back off. He told her that her constant attacks were hurting him, and that insulting and berating his wife (me) is completely uncalled for. He told her that neither he nor I have ever discouraged Cory from talking to her. (As you might recall, she kicked Cory out on Xmas Eve, telling him she never wanted to see or speak to him again, in addition to some other name calling. Why? Because he was coming to visit us.)
The next day was a "nice" email:
"GREETINGS LOVING CHILDREN:
GOTTA GO BE COOL AND KEEP IN TOUCH! LOVE TO ALL......THAT APRIL FOOL 'S JOKE ON YOUR CELL XTIAN WAS REALLY FUNNY....KEEP UP THE LAUGHTER TOO" [All caps are hers.]
I know this is all playing out in some make believe world for her. I know that. But even so, the urge to defend myself, to hit back is so strong. But I know hitting "reply" will only unleash the crazy, serving only to enrage me and hurt Xtian. Instead, I'll write my would-be email response here.
Tracy,
First, I have no idea what your son wrote in his last letter. I didn't read it. Second, are you kidding me? You spend your entire life spreading lies about people (see your 3 different stories about WHY you don't have a relationship with your own family, and why for a "career gal" you only work as a temp even after all these years) and badmouthing others. I've seen your text messages, you crazy old bat! As for your repeated efforts to send insane packages to your son (What the fuck would he do for a coupon for a pizza place in Beverly Hills?) through my father, you are clearly unable to think about how your actions impact others. How do you think my family feels when they receive vitriolic, ranting, disgusting emails and letters from you? How do you think my father explains why he gets crazy packages from a deranged woman at least once a month? Do you think that reflects well upon him at work? And how about how Xtian might feel? If he wanted to get things from you, he would have given you his address. If you were a real mother in any capacity, you would respect his wishes and repeated requests to simply leave him alone.
You know, the funniest part of all this, that letter was sent over a year ago. The fact that you are mentioning it now just shows that you obsess about the entire situation. The thing is, no one even thinks about you in our home. Cory is doing better than ever; he's happy, working, in school, with a nice girlfriend and goals he's working toward. Xtian has a family who loves him, unconditionally, and a slew of in-laws who love him like their own. My sons don't even know you exist and they aren't missing a thing.
Finally, don't you EVER mention my children as though you know them. You can invent lies about, and try to tear down your own children and me, for that matter. But you will NOT involve my children in your sick fantasy world. You will not warp them into what you think they are. How ever you are getting pictures of them, I can't stop that. But you have to earn the right to comment on them, and you have not earned it.
You know, I hadn't thought about you for months, until you emailed. For all the thought anyone in this family gives you, you may as well not exist. Get help, or fuck off and die already. Either option is equally acceptable.
Sincerely,
Coley
Ahhhhh, that feels better.
And you know, I just realized, she used my abbreviation for Xtian's name on her own. Maybe she's found this blog and will read that. Maybe she'll actually listen for once. But probably, she won't. And that's a bit of a shame. But, to quote the inimitable Xtian, "I'll be fine."
She still texts Xtian periodically, ranging from "Love you!" to screaming diatribes about everything under the sun. Since she no longer has our home address she was sending things to my father's office, so my dad can deliver it to Xtian. My dad would dutifully bring the bizarre packages whenever we were together, and find a private moment to give them to Xtian, but it still embarrassed Xtian to an unbelievable degree.
Frankly, for the most part, I feel sorry for her. She has two wonderful, kind, beautiful sons. She has two grandsons she's never met. But her mental illness and general toxicity means that I will not allow her near my children or myself. It means Cory will never speak to her again. It means that Xtian cringes anytime he gets a text. He won't stop having some kind of relationship with her, but he also tries to limit it. It's awkward, and it's painful for everyone involved, but I'm working on being supportive.
It's not ideal, but Xtian is doing what he can to maintain a reasonable level of happiness, without the guilt that he hurt his mom. He's a good guy, but man did she mess him up in a lot of ways.
I'm not writing here to embarrass him, or even to lampoon Tracy. I'm writing because if I don't write it down somewhere I will explode. After more than four years of silence, she got a new email address and managed to get through my "Crazy Filters." I received the following email a few days ago, and I'm seething:
"Continuing to lie to my son to make miscommuinaction or lack of
communication is wrong. I never have been in a conversatinon with you
father an I do mto waste my time bad mouthing anyone. Sorry for your
errors. The cascade of falslehoods listed n my sons last letter are all
erroneous and I consider the source.
Xtian and Cory are not fools as you think....."
So, some background: I have no idea what she is referring to in the first portion. Clearly, I'm not in charge of what Xtian does, and the only thing I have asked is that he not send pictures of my children. I am not going to let them become part of her fantasy worlds, nor will I let her use them for her own insane purposes. Two years ago Xtian wrote her a letter asking her to back off. He told her that her constant attacks were hurting him, and that insulting and berating his wife (me) is completely uncalled for. He told her that neither he nor I have ever discouraged Cory from talking to her. (As you might recall, she kicked Cory out on Xmas Eve, telling him she never wanted to see or speak to him again, in addition to some other name calling. Why? Because he was coming to visit us.)
The next day was a "nice" email:
"GREETINGS LOVING CHILDREN:
I DO HOPE THAT THIS EMAIL FINDS YOU AND THE LOVELY GRAND KIDS,
WARREN CORIAN (HE REALLY LOOKS JUST LIKE [my dad]) AND LENNOX CHARLES
(WHO LOOKS JUST LIKE MY FATHER AND XTIAN MERGED,) IN THE BEST OF
HEALTH.
WARREN CORIAN (HE REALLY LOOKS JUST LIKE [my dad]) AND LENNOX CHARLES
(WHO LOOKS JUST LIKE MY FATHER AND XTIAN MERGED,) IN THE BEST OF
HEALTH.
I HAVE BEEN VERY BUSY WITH CHARITY ORGANIZATIONS AND MY LIFE A YOU KNOW. JAPAN
WAS DEVISTATED BY THE 8.9 EARTHQUAKE AND THEIR ELEVATED LEVAL 5 NECULAR
PROBLEMS. PLEASE WORK HARD TO SUPPORT THEM AND PRAY FOR THEM!!
WAS DEVISTATED BY THE 8.9 EARTHQUAKE AND THEIR ELEVATED LEVAL 5 NECULAR
PROBLEMS. PLEASE WORK HARD TO SUPPORT THEM AND PRAY FOR THEM!!
GOTTA GO BE COOL AND KEEP IN TOUCH! LOVE TO ALL......THAT APRIL FOOL 'S JOKE ON YOUR CELL XTIAN WAS REALLY FUNNY....KEEP UP THE LAUGHTER TOO" [All caps are hers.]
I know this is all playing out in some make believe world for her. I know that. But even so, the urge to defend myself, to hit back is so strong. But I know hitting "reply" will only unleash the crazy, serving only to enrage me and hurt Xtian. Instead, I'll write my would-be email response here.
Tracy,
First, I have no idea what your son wrote in his last letter. I didn't read it. Second, are you kidding me? You spend your entire life spreading lies about people (see your 3 different stories about WHY you don't have a relationship with your own family, and why for a "career gal" you only work as a temp even after all these years) and badmouthing others. I've seen your text messages, you crazy old bat! As for your repeated efforts to send insane packages to your son (What the fuck would he do for a coupon for a pizza place in Beverly Hills?) through my father, you are clearly unable to think about how your actions impact others. How do you think my family feels when they receive vitriolic, ranting, disgusting emails and letters from you? How do you think my father explains why he gets crazy packages from a deranged woman at least once a month? Do you think that reflects well upon him at work? And how about how Xtian might feel? If he wanted to get things from you, he would have given you his address. If you were a real mother in any capacity, you would respect his wishes and repeated requests to simply leave him alone.
You know, the funniest part of all this, that letter was sent over a year ago. The fact that you are mentioning it now just shows that you obsess about the entire situation. The thing is, no one even thinks about you in our home. Cory is doing better than ever; he's happy, working, in school, with a nice girlfriend and goals he's working toward. Xtian has a family who loves him, unconditionally, and a slew of in-laws who love him like their own. My sons don't even know you exist and they aren't missing a thing.
Finally, don't you EVER mention my children as though you know them. You can invent lies about, and try to tear down your own children and me, for that matter. But you will NOT involve my children in your sick fantasy world. You will not warp them into what you think they are. How ever you are getting pictures of them, I can't stop that. But you have to earn the right to comment on them, and you have not earned it.
You know, I hadn't thought about you for months, until you emailed. For all the thought anyone in this family gives you, you may as well not exist. Get help, or fuck off and die already. Either option is equally acceptable.
Sincerely,
Coley
Ahhhhh, that feels better.
And you know, I just realized, she used my abbreviation for Xtian's name on her own. Maybe she's found this blog and will read that. Maybe she'll actually listen for once. But probably, she won't. And that's a bit of a shame. But, to quote the inimitable Xtian, "I'll be fine."
2 comments:
The hell is the part about Japan for? Was she afraid that news hadn't reached y'all yet? O_o
I hate that you have to deal with her at all, Coley. But I'm so glad that you and Xtian and Cory have managed to find success, happiness, and so much love for each other in spite of her weird, random poking in at your lives. ::hugs::
Thanks Faith. Yeah, I think she believes we get all our news from her. F'ing delusional.
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