Friday, May 9, 2008

So, if you're nice to them, they bring you things?

So, this weekend we'll be attending my gross uncle's 50th birthday party. Why we are celebrating the fact that this man has managed to exist for 50 years is beyond me. This may sound harsh, but let me give you a small glimpse into this man's awesomeness.

At Thanksgiving last year I was, as you may recall, hugely pregnant. My uncle showed up for about 20 minutes (he's usually too busy being high to come to family events, which is really what I'd call a "blessing.") and at one point when he saw me, in my fatty fat glory, he pointed to my belly and said, "Heh heh, it's not MINE is it?"
Is that about the grossest thing you could think of? Because it's about as nasty as I can imagine. Yeah, let's make some awesome incest references! FUN!

I suppose I can always hope that he won't show up and we'll be left with mostly good family at the barbecue.


I was talking with a woman at work about relationships with in-laws. I usually bow out of most conversations about mothers in law, since my issue is long, involved and really pretty unbelievable. So, I just leave it at, "I don't have a relationship with my MIL." Another woman joined in, and to give some background I can't imagine this woman every saying anything negative to anyone ever. But she was talking about this horrible relationship she had with her MIL, and how her husband finally just asked her to try to be gentle with the MIL. She said that the relationship had much improved after that.

It kind of got me thinking. I don't have to like people all the time, and I don't even have to be nice all the time. But, when it comes to the people I love, shouldn't I at least try to treat them gently? So, that's the word I'm using as my relationship mantra for now. So, even when Xtian's doing something that drives me nuts, my aim is not to avoid the issue, but to gently raise the issue. Which is hard for me, because my knee-jerk reaction is to respond, "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, YOU KNOW I HATE THAT! STOP IT, ASS!!" But, you know what I'm finding? The nicer I treat my family, the more I actually FEEL nice toward them. Damn, but that's so not in my nature.


jen said...

Question: Why go? Jerks like him should be dropped like hot potatoes. Maybe slip some olendar in his drink. It is deadly poisonous and everywhere!

MoxieMamaKC said...

You know...We all have family members like your uncle...the ones we hope won't show up in public...You are brave AND tactful within reason! Keep up the good work!

Faith said...

Are you sure you aren't a long lost triplet for me and the Twin? Because not only does it sound like we share an uncle, but the way you talk to Xtian is soooo me. (I'm trying to be nicer lately, too. A couple of weeks ago, I called Leo dumb because he couldn't figure out what needed to be tossed from the fridge on trash day without my help. I called him that to his face. I felt *awful*.)