Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Reinforcing Negative Behavior

So, you remember how I'm a nerdy overachieving type who will drive my family nuts with my ridiculous demands? Yeah. Warren rolled over for the first time on Sunday. Then again yesterday. Which really serves to reinforce my crazy. See? Push him for a few days, and he does what I want. Anyone want to see what SAT time will look like in my house?

The only thing that sucks? I haven't seen him in action yet. It was my first time missing a "first." And it made me realize that I'm probably going to miss a lot of firsts. And that just plain sucks. There isn't anything I can do about it (aside from quitting my job, and moving our family into a cardboard box, or scamming the Welfare program to keep me in organic food and satellite tv). It's just the way our family is set up, I'm probably always going to be the primary moneymaker, and frankly, I like it that way. I'm glad I'm able to work and have a husband who is so supportive and willing to take on a non-traditional role. But that isn't to say that I like leaving my family every day to drive an hour to work, spend 8 hours surrounded by people I generally dislike, spend another hour in traffic, only to find that I've missed everything.

But a part of me is glad that I miss all the shitty parts of parenting. I get Warren up and together in the morning, which is pretty delightful. He's just so happy to be awake and alive, and really, aside from the early hour, I wouldn't change a thing. Then when I get home, he's so happy to see me and to have me feed him, that he's a smiling cooing, laughing little darling. And within a couple of hours, he's off to bed. I don't have to change a million diapers, or wait for him to nap to be able to DO ANYTHING. I only have him when he's pleased as punch.

And then I feel guilty, for not feeling guilty. There's no winning this game, is there?

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