Wednesday, April 4, 2007

This job would be great, if it weren't for the damn customers

Work is unpleasant today. After the nonsense from yesterday, then voicing my concerns to my boss only to have him be COMPLETELY unsupportive, I’ve just decided to not interact with people, unless my job specifically requires it. I’m just not in an emotionally secure place, and it’s just safer for me to not speak with anyone.

I went to my boss yesterday to tell him that the “issue” of my friendship with Eric was a topic of discussion in HR, and to ask him to let me know if he knows or hears of anything on this wavelength. I told him I was concerned that I was being unfairly condemned for no wrong-doing and if nothing else would like to be forewarned if this is the case. I think he was trying to be helpful in an older-male-relative kind of way, but it came across all wrong to me.

Later he called me into his office to warn me about my behavior with Aaron (the developmentally disabled man I supervise as part of my job). I was really confused but my boss kept saying things like, “Since HRBitch (not her real name) is right across the hall, close the door or keep your voice down when talking to Aaron. I’d hate for her to think the way you talk to Aaron is mistreatment at all.”

Which is just weird. Here’s where my mind immediately went:

I’m not mean to Aaron. I’m nice and kind to him, I joke with him from time to time, but I make sure I’m firm and clear in my directions. I check in with him to make sure he’s supported. Why would this thought even occur to my boss, unless he thinks I’m mean or cruel to Aaron?

It just felt like an accusation on top of everything else. I had two allies at work: Eric and my boss. Well, I can’t even talk to Eric anymore, even while on break. And my boss pulled that shit with me, making me ridiculously uncomfortable with him. So, I’m all out of people I even moderately trust at work. It fucking irks me. So, I’m avoiding people like the plague.

You know, I mostly enjoy my job. I wish it was more challenging, but I feel good about what I do, and the product I’ve been putting out. Some things about it bother me, but since I had a couple of people I could roll my eyes with, that shit was easy to deal with.

Goddamn it! I’d just had a really good week at work too. I busted my ass, got a bunch of things done well before established deadlines, got some great praise from my VP and was feeling really good about this job. And now, I feel like I should get out of here. I’m sure I’m just emotionally overreacting, but damn!

Oh, and at the end of my talk with my boss, he decided to throw in, “VP is asking what hours you work again. Don’t worry, I’ll try to smooth things over.” Which, for those not working in an uptight office environment really means, “People at this office think you are shirking your duties, or are cutting out early all the time.” When people start asking you what hours you work, it’s because they think you aren’t working.

This same garbage went down at my old job. And I’m seriously tired of it. I’m here before 7:15 every morning. I leave around 4:15 every evening. When I get here, I’m the second car in the lot, when I leave half the cars are already gone, boss and VP included. So, excuse me? I’m putting my hours in, I’m getting my job done, and no one has anything negative to say about my work, so what the fuck?

I hate feeling like I’m being hamstringed. It makes a Coley pissed off. I want all this shit to just stop.

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