Alone.

Today is unnervingly quiet. Boss is gone. My work husband is gone. My employee is gone. Only the HR lady is in my section of the office. Q. U. I. E. T.

For this coming weekend, I am aiming to do…nothing. We’re out of money, again, so grocery shopping will just have to wait. (And, you know, we have enough food in the house to feed…most of Oakland at least. As long as we all like chicken and ground beef, that is). We have a ton of movies sitting around, waiting to be watched. And I think my goal will be to only leave the house twice all weekend. Once to take Jen to the airport (lucky devil gets to go visit family! Should be some good picture taking in the desert, and mommy/daddy time to boot!), and then maybe once if I feel the need eat something junk-food-esque.

I’ve been unbelievably tired lately, and just kind of rundown. I blame lack of sleep, and that’s probably part of it. What’s really wearing me down though, I fear may be a lack of alone time. I am a creature who LOVED living alone. I loved that when I left something on the table, it was still there when I got back. I loved cleaning the house and no one coming through with dusty shoes.

Don’t get me wrong, I also really enjoy living with people. Hell, left to my own devices, I’m pretty happy being a complete hermit. Having other people around at least keeps me from being the weird anti-social lady the kids all tell horror stories about. And I do enjoy the built in socialization, and the shared context of living in the same house with someone.

But I still thrive on downtime. Due to schedules, I’m the first one out of the house, and the last one home. Everyday. I haven’t had the house to myself for more than 30 minutes since last year. Everyone needs some alone time in their house, and it’s not to say that Xtian/Sarah are always in my space. Hell, Sarah usually hangs out in her room with the door shut. But, just being alone in the house, without anyone around really is healing.

I can watch TERRIBLE TV shows, I can lay in bed and read for 3 hours without interruption. I can eat horrible things for breakfast without any commentary. And I’m not responsible for paying attention to anyone other than myself. And it’s THAT that I’m needing the most. Time to do nothing.

At least I hope so.