Tuesday, January 16, 2007

"So, I think you gave me HPV" so sayeth the asshat.

Ah yes, I have a blog. I remember now…

So, the movie Beerfest is hysterical. Decidedly lowbrow, the movie is self-aware enough to mock itself. And that, my friends, goes a long way with me. Any person, movie, song, institution or religion that can’t make fun of itself has no place in my life.
I’ve always lived by the idea that if I can’t laugh at myself then I can’t laugh at other people. And, let’s be honest, laughing at other people is one of my favorite pastimes.
I guess this is the main reason I love Ben Folds, and supremely stupid movies, and the reason I hang out with the people I do. The old axiom “don’t take life too seriously, you’ll never get out alive” is kind of how I live my life.

My father, meanwhile, just thinks I’m a sarcastic ass for this same reason. And maybe I am, but I daresay I’m having much more fun and am a bit more self-aware than he.


You know how, before you go to the dentist you spend about 3 hours flossing and brushing meticulously, only to finish up with a 20-minute swish of Listerine? Yeah, well, since I had to go to the dentist TWICE in five days, I said, “Fuck that.”

Instead, I ate a delightful bowl of clam chowder, washed it down with a Dr. Pepper, popped a piece of gum, and sat down in the dentist’s chair. It was awesome. I can’t recommend it enough. Especially since he didn’t notice. Why should I bother with the extra cleaning (what with me being a fastidious dental hygiene enthusiast anyway) since he’s still going to doubt my honest answer to the predictable flossing question? My response, “Every day” is met with a suspicious and arrogant lift of the eyebrow and a kind of disbelieving “mmmmmhmmmm”. Look here jerk, I have good teeth, I brush 2+ times a day, floss at least once a day, there isn’t anything wrong with my teeth, so ease off on the stink eye, eh?

Fucking dentists.

(And for those wondering, no, the title quote was not directed at me, and nobody gave anybody HPV in this scenario. As stated, the accuser was simply being an asshat.)

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