Thursday, December 7, 2006

A few things

First things first:

Dear Drivers on Interstate 580 West,
Yes. I know the sun is bright. But rather than slamming on your breaks, thereby FUCKING UP all traffic for miles, try sunglasses.

That is all.

Secondly, if you simply must get married may I recommend finding someone who will:

  1. Wake up at 4:40 am on their day off so they can accompany you to the gym,
  2. Not say a single word when it takes you 8 tries to parallel park at 5 am.
  3. Offer to make you coffee before you go to work.
  4. When it is discovered that you will not have time to get coffee before you must go to work, will sneak over to a coffee shop while you take a shower at the gym, and surprise you with a cup of perfectly creamed and sweetened coffee stashed in your car’s cup holder.

    I cannot recommend that kind of life partner more. Just trust me on this one, folks.

    Third and finally I have a really nasty, gross, HUGE blister on my foot. Is this my body trying desperately to keep me from exercising? Between the back spasms, the shin splints, and the blister I’m really starting to think my body is happy the way it is, and only desires to gain more weight. Well hear me now, body: FUCK WHAT YOU WANT! I’ll do as I please.

    Enjoy your Thursday.

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