Brief synopsis my MIL is obnoxious with the email, and in other ways too, but this episode centers around email. At least 7 emails a day ranging from ridiculous forwards to empty emails to multi-page, poorly spelled/typed monologues with no content of use. Generally, I glance at them, and then delete them. Recently, however, a few ridiculously racist emails have hit my mailbox. After this last one, I replied to it saying:
“Hi MIL,
(Insert frivolous “how are you?” garbage here)
I don’t want to be heavy handed or anything, but the email you sent below was a little offensive to me. I feel very strongly about the issue discussed. Please don’t send me things like this. Thank you and we’ll talk soon.”
I didn’t think that was so offensive. But clearly, I would be wrong. My MIL replied to what I thought was a polite request from a family member with 1000 words full of hurtful, rude, condescending, hate. Furthermore, it became clear that she believes the forward she sent me, was actually written by the person who sent it to her, and tried to make me feel guilty with “Mr. X, is a very dear friend who is dying of terminal cancer, and is just sharing something he experienced. This is just sharing information, which I love.” As though someone’s advanced age and unfortunate health forgives racism and spreading hatred. (Sure, he’s the grand wizard of the KKK, but he can do no wrong because he had a stroke? Umm, I don’t think so.)
I was completely taken aback. I know Xtian has told me about his attempts at confronting her on behavior that is hurtful (her response? “Stop being defiant!” Wasn’t aware that “defiant” was a word parents were allowed to use with children over the age of 16.), but I thought maybe since she’s not MY mother, she could handle a polite request. Again, clearly, I was wrong.
After speaking with Xtian and figuring out this is how she operates, and he usually just ignores it until it happens again (with the regularity of the freaking TIDES). But, I’m not willing to let this shit continue. I’m not content to let her bowl me over any time she does something hurtful. So, I replied, politely and concisely to her email by addressing her email paragraph by paragraph. I was honest and diplomatic. I kept my reply to the issue at hand, did not personally attack and felt like I was using appropriately respectful tones. I informed her that this was just an email forward, not something Mr. X had actually experienced, that I was only making an attempt to remove some negativity from my life and in no way meant to judge her or Mr. X.
So, like clockwork, 12 hours later the following landed in my email. (All parentheses are mine, all typos and spelling/grammatical errors are hers)
Coley, dear: (yeah, this is not how any emails from her are ever opened. Clearly
this “dear” is a condescending one that a 6th grade teacher uses when a 12 year
old makes a mistake.)
Brother (Xtian’s brother who is 17) and I called,
2 different times, last night and we both heard the television in the background
and the person answering did not speak. (Now, admittedly, I was already in bed,
Xtian wasn’t able to deal with her and did pick up then hang up without
speaking. Not a good move, but clearly, I’m in the wrong again) We found this
very odd. He was doing a class projects that involved Xtian and answering
questions from a family member and culture, which was due today. (Umm, I’m
calling this a lie. Isn't it rather convenient that the first time in history Brother's needed Xtian's help just happened to be when you're in the midst of this ugliness? And why did SHE call if it was BROTHER’s assignment? He has
a phone, and is fully capable of using it.)It is sad Brother had to improvise
and finish his school project without Xtian's input. I am sure that was just an
over site with the telephone call. Brother felt bad!
EMAILS: I am not
giving any one any advise on any topic,(Oh, except for when you told me I just
needed to deal with it, and told me to “pick my battles wisely”?) just politely
stating my opinion. We are having a conversation that is all. (Really? Because I
thought these were emails being exchanged) There is not desire to read anymore
into it than what was presented or stated. It is just a topic for discussion
among many discussions people have regularly. It is not meant to harm, insult,
degrade dismay, disrupt, or interfere with anyone’s beliefs, lifestyle or life
patterns. (Except for the racial group being directly attacked in the original
email?) Taking this email, out of many emails one receives far too serious.
I agree. My family too, desires not to have any negativity surrounding
us. Life does have its negative parts to it. I have always respected all
opinions, especially yours and Xtian's, no matter what direction they come from,
or topic. (Until that opinion is different from yours, in which case emails like
this are sent?) . You do not have to explain any further your opinions, it is
understood. Mr. X is happy with his own opinion, I am sure. At his elevated age,
I am sure he did not mean to sound harsh, even though the email came across as
being harsh. (Again, in case we’re confused, MR. X DID NOT WRITE THIS EMAIL. IT
WAS A FORWARD!)
There is no need for me to view any website or any topic,(I
directed her to snopes to show her that Mr. X did not write this email, there
are several versions shown there) for I do have the luxury to surf the web. My
life is rather busy these days; with homeless projects, community services,
outreach activities with 10 agencies, work, school Brother's school, Brother
youth group activities, etc. I really do not have the time at all. (Yeah, and
all the time you spend sending ridiculous emails and writing bitchy lectures
sure takes it all up. And really, this holier than thou attitude is a VERY
Christian response, right? Someone feeling the need to justify their lack of a
life?)
You can be a battle and not be in a war. I never assume you were
in a war, and never stated so. You are taking my statements out of context. I do
not lecture people,(HA!) nor do I make condescending message or subliminal
message (Umm, I don’t think you know what that means). That is not part of my
character, since you do not know me; it is easy to make that assumption of me or
anyone you do not know.(Fair enough, I don’t know her. But I have had enough
experience to see that she’s just outright lying now) This was not response of
any tone or magnitude, their was never any magnitude, word out of context,
implied. (What? That doesn’t make sense. Again, you don’t actually know what
this means, do you?) You are reading more into this than hat is required for
comprehension. You emails are very combative and argumentative on pointless
subjects of interest.(yeah, Civil and human rights really are pointless, aren’t
they?) Sarcasm is never a great way to discuss anything in life.(Actually, there
wasn’t any sarcasm in any email I sent her. I don’t think she knows what that
means again! I think for Christmas she’s getting a dictionary!) An opinion is
just an opinion. You are too sensitive for this matter. It is the same as
Brother's misstatements at Christmas time last year about religions. (I have no
idea what she’s talking about here.)
I am not presuming to give any
advice, only having a conversation of many conversations some person has. That
is all. Taking any statements out of its true context is unfortunate for anyone
to do and takes away from that statement. (umm, I think you covered this
already. Wait let me check….Yup, in fact, it’s almost cut and pasted)
There are more productive, positive emphases one can pursue, in light of
all of these dramatic outbursts.(Oh, let me just pursue a new emphasis, jesus,
what the FUCK!?) Conversation is simply that, a conversation, reading more into
it is moot! (Actually, since conversation is really the only way people
communicate effectively, I’m pretty sure all conversation is not moot.) Being
confrontational and combative is not a positive attribute. I am neither
confrontational, nor argumentative. (Yeah, except for the clearly attacking tone
of this, right?) I realize this could go on and on. But I am busy with my day.
Thank you.
Forgive me if you saw the email rude and insulting. (Here’s
where she apologizes, without actually apologizing) It is just information on
one man's view of life. Although it may not be an accurate view, he has right to
have a view. You can never run from negative things in ones like, you can only
shift through it. (Actually, you can remove some negativity, for example, a
person who is so negative and uncaring they can’t see themselves accurately at
all, Why, you can just stop communicating with that person altogether!) I have
done the same with my own children, to protect them and shield them from
negative, but sometimes it is better you prepare them for negative views, than
to shield them from it. (Fine, but since I’m not a child, nor YOUR child, I can
make some choices to avoid excessive negativity) It works both ways as a sword.
End of discussion. (Oh, so you’ve been allowed to rant and vent, and now
it’s done? I see.) Please respect my opinion and rights to space and privacy,
and do not send anymore of these pointless emails (again, HA!), they are a total
waste of my time, and I am sure yours. Note that your opinion was understood and
respected. Never read a persons mind and tell them what they think or feel.
(Umm, remember the lecturing and advice you clearly never give? Yeah, that’s
what I’m talking about) You do not know me at all, nor can you judge how I feel,
act, think, or react on any given topic. That would take years of dialogue to
decipher. and then it may not be at all accurate. (Umm, duh, that’s pretty much
what I told you!)
I wish your much happiness, success and a full and
healthy life. As anyone one in my position would. We are just sharing a
difference of opinions. Agree to disagree. Mr. X does not disturb me at all.
Right or wrong it is his peronsal opinion. Emailing this information does not
mean the entire world share the same opinion. (no, but sending inflammatory
emails to family members is just bad policy) I never read his entire email to
make a decision about it one way or the other for his emails are rather lenghty.
(Umm, did she just write that without realizing her emails are longer than any
novel ever? And passing along emails without reading them? Just a stupid thing
to do) Just passed the info on. I read and pas it on when I have time. This
miscommunication is moot
Enjoy the rest of your day. Good day!
MIL
P.S. Give my loving best regards to Xtian and the cats!
Yeah, so, this is how my life is going right about now. Thank you, oh fabulous internet for allowing me my space to yell and say mean things about someone who was so rude, dismissive and hurtful to me. And to mock her inability to type, spell and check a dictionary. Again, if I can laugh about it, it can't be that bad, right? Right? *sigh*
Possibly more to come. But then, maybe I’ll just go home and drink. Sounds like a plan.
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