Monday, January 9, 2006


I'm feeling a crossroad. I don't really like my job, but it pays my bills, provides good benefits and doesn't really take a whole lot of work. I've always been a highly motivated person, but I find myself hesitant to truly pursue my career. At the same time, I'm getting my life ready for "the next phase" which would, presumably, involve marriage and children.

Time to start weighing options and preparing for action.
If I decide to be a career person first and foremost, then I need to get my shit in gear, beef up my portfolio and fully commit to the job search. I went to college because I wanted to have a successful career. I want to be Ms. Executive. I want upward mobility in my work.

But, I also want family. And if I decide to be the "I'm a parent first" kind of person, then I should stop stressing myself out, keep my job and appreciate that it does provide some security and I could do this work while handling a household. And try to fenagle more money out of this company to make my life a little more comfortable and secure.

Why am I thinking about all this now? I'm reaching a breaking point. I can feel it coming. And I'm not going to find a new job/career if I'll be starting a family within the next couple years. I don't want to feel corporate/educational guilt ( am I wasting my fancy-pants education and all those student loans on an administrative type position?) but I also don't want to take the plunge into a new fastpaced work environment only to need family leave time. (Yeah, employers love to hire women in their mid-20s who want to make babies).

It's the same decisions every woman makes, but it's new to me. I know the basics of what I want my life to be, but figuring out how best to create it is proving to be a challenge. And I suppose I should include my life-partner in these decisions. He might have some stake in the matter as well...

Oh well, I guess I'll just keep on keeping on until I'm forced to make a decision. I just hope my sanity can take it.

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