Monday, October 3, 2005

Coley FreakOuts Never Get Old.

For those who have the opportunity and means, I must make a recommendation. See Journey in concert. I know, it sounds ridiculous. But my little sister and I did this past weekend, and I will say, it was fantastic for several reasons:

  1. The band is clearly bitter that Steve Perry left. They mentioned him no fewer than 5 times in two sets.
  2. Their new lead singer was selected solely for his ability to sound EXACTLY like Steve Perry. And he dances. Constantly. Badly.
  3. While everyone knows Journey, and can sing Don’t Stop Believing and maybe 5 others, not even the hard core fans knew half the songs they played.
  4. They insisted on playing crap from their new album. Look, you are Journey. We came here to here Any Way You Want It, Yours Faithfully, Don’t Stop Believing, and Wheel in the Sky. Just play those and get on with it.
  5. Lead singer kept trying to get audience participation going, and it was not happening.
  6. Old Dirty Biker Couple trying desperately to have sex directly in front of my 16 year old sister. I’m pretty sure they conceived during Wheel in the Sky. What a great story for Little Steve Perry to hear when he’s old enough. Ewwwww.

But I got to rock out hard core with Kat, which is always fun. And it’s always a good reason to bring out the blue eyeshadow we all still own. But yeah, go see Journey. I implore you.


We have a new addition at the Coley-Xtian household. She fits in my hand, is a blonde/blue eyed little spit fire. In case you are still confused, we have a new kitten. We’re calling her Li’l Fiddy (as in 50 cent, I swear Xtian named her). She was found sick and dehydrated, abandoned in the hills. People are so irresponsible. Get your damn animals fixed, or be ready to house the offspring!! But anyhow, we picked her up on Saturday afternoon, and by Saturday evening, the two older cats were in love. She doesn’t quite know what to think of them, but she sleeps in a pair of Xtian’s pants that were left on the bedroom floor. She’s so cute, I think I might just explode.

So, the cat total is at three. Which means Xtian is officially the only thing keeping me from being the creepy, crazy cat lady. Sure, someone could probably say that I’m adding cats as child replacements or some such thing. But, if you laid eyes on her, you’d fall in love too. So there. I’m hoping to actually get a little more interesting and put pictures of my girls up here soon. But knowing me, I might get around to it sometime in 2007. So, if you care about your health, you won’t hold your breath.

I got to spend some time with one of my friends from Milwaukee. Actually, the only Milwaukee friend I didn’t lose in the “divorce.” Anyhow, we both worked together at a crazy little internet company run by a crazy bastard. I’ve talked to a lot of people, and I think he wins the Shittiest Boss Ever award. We refer to him as Scooter, because he hates it. A lot.
Talking about that old job made me realize that I totally don’t hate my job. At least I’m not shrieked at, or derided for not reading his mind. I’m not busting my ass to make an arbitrary deadline, only to have him sit on my work for 6 months, or having him call my job “salary,” but still account for every minute away from my desk, while not noticing the days I stay hours late to finish something. I know, this sounds silly, but these were daily occurrences. I can’t even remember all the bad stuff, I think I’ve blocked it out. It was so bad, everyone who worked there was looking for a new job while exhibiting signs of Batterred Woman Syndrome. Seriously.

But, like all bad things, something good did come out of it. I have a friend in Meghan. This girl rocks my world. She was the only thing that got me through the day. It was good to “talk Milwaukee” with her again. I had almost forgotten how hard drinking, “eh Fuck it” the whole state of Wisconsin is. I don’t know that they drink or party more than anywhere else, but they wear it with pride. In California, we all drink, but pretend we don’t. Californians are so afraid of addictions, they won’t admit to more than a couple glasses of wine, organically grown and sustainable farmed, by the way. In Milwaukee, you aren’t an alcoholic until you’ve drunk yourself homeless, and even then, the attitude is “what’s the harm in having a few?” Tough on your liver, but great for stories. And, let’s face it, when it’s consistently 20 degrees below zero for 4 months, you have to do something. Why not get hammered and sing along to Billy Joel?

Ok, Ode to Wisconsin done. Sorry about that. Back to our regularly scheduled programming.

So, I think I’m almost able to act human again after the freak outs of the last few weeks. I know, I’m a drama queen, but I can’t help it if shit just keeps happening. My most recent one was last week. Xtian and I were sitting around watching a little L&O: Special Victims Unit, when someone mentioned STD tests.

(Tangent: WARNING: WAY PERSONAL INFORMATION HERE. You may never be able to look me in the eye again knowing these things.)

So, Xtian and I have been together for 6 months now. Before we started sleeping together, we discussed sexual histories, and while mine is far more sordid than his, I also am OCD about STD testing. I get tested every 6 months like clockwork and am the Condom Queen. However, when in monogamous, long term relationships, I hate condoms. Something to do with perceived intimacy and closeness, I’m sure. But anyhow, I talked about how strict I am about those things, and told him I had actually just been tested, and all was well in my special area. He told me that he had been tested as well, and was also clean.


So, eventually, when we got to the exclusively dating for a while stage, we stopped using condoms.

So, back to the above scene. The show refers to a certain STD test that involves a urethra swab for men. They don’t mention the method of testing, but when I shudder and say, god that must suck, he asks me why, to which I say “well you’ve had those tests, they aren’t always the most pleasant things in the world.” He continues to look blankly at me. I ask, “well, you’ve had STD tests before, right?” The answer is no. When we had the talk the first time, he referred to having a blood draw after getting hit by a car. I flipped out. Because, as we all know, if the doctor isn’t looking for it, he’s not testing for it. And blood tests only show a few things.

I freak, he freaks. Excellent. He gets around to making a doctor’s appointment for tomorrow. Two days later, but whatever. So, neither one of us is in the mood for sex for a while again. I get agitated when I’m not getting my recommended daily allowances. So, finally we get a little drunk and get back to it.

So, long story short: I’m OCD, other people are uninformed, and we all end up in the same boat. I really am as stupid as that, it seems.


So, it’s now 4:30 and I’m going home. Time to go drink some wine and eat myself into a stupor. Happy Monday!

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