Monday, May 2, 2005

Narcissism and a list

So first things first, Deeee-lightful weekend with my aunt and sister. Hung out, watched movies ate enormous quantities of food. All and all my kind of weekend. My beautiful, crazy fun aunt finally got rid of the asshole she's been dating for a few years now. We will call him Al, for that is his name. Al is a barfly. And while we all know that I'm fond of bars and drinking myself, Al is of the variety that ONLY sits in bars. As in "we came all the way to Seattle to see the town and all you did the ENTIRE trip was sit in the hotel bar?" kind of guy. My cousin (my aunt's only son) is currently in rehab thanks to some pretty major addictions. Prior to checking in, we all knew he was in trouble and trying to get out. Al, on the other hand, would openly get high at family gatherings. Classy guy, eh? Anyhow, after years of being with this guy, she finally smarted herself up and kicked him to the curb. Nicely done Auntie! Way to set a good example for us all, finally.

Speaking of bad relationships....well, not really, but relationships in general: while my aunt was visiting we started talking about my parents. My parents met in high school, went to prom together got married a few years later and shortly thereafter (like 9 1/2 months later) had their first of four children. 27 years later, they are still obnoxiously in love. Oh, they have their trouble and at least 3 of their 4 children each drove them to the edge of insanity, but they have come through it all. They just took their first vacation alone (that lasted more than 24 hours) in YEARS, and had a wonderful time, and came back even more obnoxiously in love. All my life, there have been a few simple truths about my parents: they will argue and disagree at times, NEVER walk into their bedroom after "lights out," if you walk into a room where mom and dad have been alone together for longer than a moment, they will be making out.

This has completely screwed up my idea of love, relationships and family. I'm looking for someone to be a partner in childrearing, but expect them to make a living as well. I want someone who is silly, but can also handle the hard stuff with the gravitas it deserves. I need someone who will listen to me kvetch, but not try to fix me. I need to have awesome, kinky hot passion, but be able to lay around on the couch at my ugliest and be left the hell alone.

As you can see, very few can fit the bill.

So after writing about what a narcissistic ass I can be, my friend showed me this. Way to feed the beast. And no, that isn't me they are talking about, but in my head, I created dozens of admirers who, clearly, all could have written that about me. I am awesome.

I will leave you with what I hate the most about "blogs," a list:

Tiny things that can ruin my day:

  • you know when you lean against a sink, and there are little water puddles left from the last person to wash their hands, and you get big water splotches on the crotchal region of your pants? I hate that.
  • Knowing you have a quarter in your purse, but for the life of you, you can't find it. You take EVERYTHING out of your purse, still no quarter. Then three days later, when you need a pen, BOOM: out comes the damn quarter.
  • You know how you have your morning Getting-Ready-For-the-Day routine, and every now and again, you get distracted, or are really tired and miss a step? I hate that.
  • You know when you haven't used something for a while, like say, a vibrator or a specific lotion or hair product, so you think to yourself "I haven't used that in a while, I'm using it now!" Only you go to use it and discover that it's broken, or the lotion has a weird crustiness on it, or the hair product has a weird smell. That can kill my day anytime.
  • When I open my desk drawer at work, only to discover that one of my pens is missing. I have dozens more, but was in the mood for that specific pen. (Honestly, who's "in the mood" for a specific, non-descript ball point Bic?)
  • When someone walks up to an office appliance, like a copier, looks at it puzzled for a minute, then asks me "Is there something wrong with the copier?" And I have to say "is it turned on?" and they say "Oh, no." Ridiculous.

That is all for me folks. Have a delightful afternoon.

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