Thursday, May 5, 2005

Hoy es la Cinco De Mayo, Felizitaciones!

So, anyone else discover the date today is 05/05/05? Because I did. After someone pointed it out to me. Yeah...really cool introduction. Nice. I am as uncool as I sound folks.

So after spending my life from age 9-20 hating food and avoiding it at all costs, I've finally embraced my love of cooking food, eating food, and food in general. Talking food is like foreplay for me. I get really excited by the old "what did you have for dinner last night" conversations. Seriously. A long talk about a balsamic glaze drizzled over perfectly roasted rack of lamb with tender-crisp asparagus stalks can make me need a few moments to collect myself.

Apparently my reputation has gotten around. Now people I've only met a couple of times are greeting me with "Hi Nicole, I hear you like food." It's not that big of a thing, because, yes I do, but in my head (which, admittedly is the least logical part of my body) it sounds like "Hi Nicole, I heard you were a fat-ass." I don't like that the ideas of "food" and "fat" are the same thing in my head. I finally eat and enjoy eating, but I still consider food to be an enemy. Bah.

On still another topic, I kind of enjoy catching someone checking me out. Even if it's a nasty leer at my tits, it still makes my day. I was across the street getting cookies with my friend earlier (yeah, cookies. Anyone got a smartass comment? I didn't think so.) as we left she was giggling. Then she explained that one of the guys in the bakery had done a complete ass-checkout. On me. Yep, my day has been made. How sad is that?

So, heading home to Chico tomorrow afternoon. Mother's Day and all that (Tangent time. If you have two moms do you change the punctuation of the holiday? From Mother's Day to Mothers' Day? And yes, I realize only a total dork would wonder about that.). But in addition to hanging out with my mom and the rest of the fam, I also have a date. With my phone-date guy. I am perplexed and getting nervous. I have no problem and don't really get nervous over dates, because I ususally don't care about the other person, nor am I usually attracted to that person. But I'm totally attracted to this guy and I actually like him. Normally, I'd go out with a guy, sleep with him, then decide whether or not I should give him my phone number. This is different. He already has my phone number. Granted, he lives far away and there is little/no hope of this ever being anything more than casual getting-together-periodically. But if we get it on, and I still like him, it's going to suck because there is little/no hope of this ever being anything more than casual getting-together-periodically.

I can't win.


GAH! My email account is suddenly being flooded with more than 100 virus emails a day. I never used to get anything in this email address, then BOOM one day 73 of them show up. Fucking A.

So, in the vein of the "my job is sucking my life away" writing I give you:
Exhibit A:
So, one of my coworkers asked if I'd like to be part of a meeting today discussing the Communications plan for our little project. I say "Of course!" being that my education and training makes me qualified to create communications plans and that's what I should be doing anyway. So, she sends me the electronic invitation. I show up at the appointed time, only to find they are already deep in the meeting. I look at my watch, a little confused. I'm 3 minutes early, and we never start anything even on time.
My coworker leans across the table and says "oh, sorry. I forgot to tell you. We had to change the meeting time. We started half an hour ago." Nice. So, since they were already onto subject matter that doesn't apply to anything I would be able to do, I opted to leave the meeting and write in my blog instead.
It's just the way things go around here. Dangle and awesome project in front of me, then snatch it away even as I cautiously lean forward to grasp it. Kick ass.

So, I've decided I need to get famous for any stupid reason, then get married. Then I will be handed a TV show in which I don't have to do anything but let a camera follow me. Then I will make a ton of money for no apparent reason and never have to work again. Anyone see a hole in my plan? Because I can't.

Really I should just get off my ass and write my book, then hopefully about 9 million people will buy it and I'll never have to work again. That would be ok too. Except when you write a good book, people start expecting things from you, like another book. And the problem with writing a book about manners and sex: my parents will never be able to claim me as their daughter again. Oh, they'll be proud of me on some level, but really, the entire Mormon community will be praying for me and my family, and my parents will have to pretend that it's ANOTHER Nicole Elton who cowrote that book.

I'm all out of rants for the day. Unless something really obnoxious happens in the next 20 minutes, that is. I hope your day is spectacular. Also, if anyone knows of any pr/communications jobs out there, don't forget about me. I'll make it worth your while. Really.

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