Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Getting Ready

I love my children. I am ridiculously enamored of them, and can bore you to tears by telling you the adorable and charming things they do and say on a daily basis.

That being said, I really feel that I'm a better parent when I am not with my children 24 hours a day, every day. I need some space and distance from my loved ones (not just the kids) in order to maintain my sanity. I have significantly more patience when there is some variety to my day, and more parts of my brain are exercised. When I have the time to miss the kiddos.

I have really enjoyed this opportunity to be home with my children. Especially since these 12 weeks off work allowed me to soak up Lennox and bond with him in such a strong way. It's been a lot of fun. It became less fun when Xtian started his new job. You see, Xtian's new job involves a ton of overtime. Which is awesome from a paycheck perspective, but it is less awesome when he arrives home long after the kids are in bed, several days a week. It's just a very long day of being the primary parent. (And honestly, I've got Cory for back up most days, so I have it much easier than most people. I can't imagine how horrid it could be if you didn't have backup.)

I have nothing but the deepest respect for parents who choose to stay at home with their children for the long haul. My mom stayed at home with us and was incredible. But I'm just not one of those people. My disposition is just not made for this. I am not patient enough. Nor am I motivated to really do anything interesting with my time. I'm not a hobby kind of person, so once the house is clean, the kids are fed and any conceivable cooking/baking projects have been exhausted, I'm kind of out of ideas. Without a job, I find that I have all this time but nothing productive to do with it. Being at home is wasted on me. (Perhaps I would feel differently if I owned my home and thus projects around the house would actually be appealing?)

The last few months have been great in a lot of ways. One way in particular is that it gave me the chance to actually prove that I can parent two children without aid.

We've had Cory with us since the day after Warren came home from the hospital. As long as I have had kids, I've had some backup. It is excellent, and I recommend it if you have the means. However, I have often wondered if I am capable of taking care of my kids, by myself for any extended period of time. Once Lennox arrived, and my mom went back home, I decided to not ask Cory for help. It wasn't always easy and I probably lost my cool more often than I would have liked, but I did it. And that was terribly gratifying to the achievement-addict in me.

1 comment:

jen breese said...

I think your post means you can cross "17. Do something that I don't think is possible" off your list. :)

Glad you are succeeding in Mamahood!