Friday, April 25, 2008

For those who like horrific descriptions...

If I may offer some words of advice, google and WebMD are evil, and should be avoided at all costs. Because, damn will they show you some pictures of little bitty kids with fucked up heads. And you really don't want to see that.

I've been working on keeping my shit together, and trying really hard not treat Warren and differently. Meanwhile, he couldn't give two shits about the whole "his head is closing up so fast his brain won't have anywhere to go soon." But I'm still scared to death. It seems I just have to avoid talking about it. That's the only way to keep from screaming and crying.

But in the interest of information sharing: best case scenario is the specialists all take turns poking and prodding him, taking blood samples, knocking him out cold to get all the CT scans done and decide that it's not that big of a deal, we'll just keep an eye on it. (Warning, some graphic descriptions follow. Just for those a little sensitive about babies and descriptions of medical procedures).

Middle of the road scenario: after running every test in the world on my tiny little boy, surgery is deemed required. They'll cut his head open from ear to ear, break his skull and implant some plastic. There will be a long recovery period along with ongoing visits to doctors and probably some very strange headwear. Surgery is a complete success and he gets to live a nice long normal life complete with sports and normal rambunctious fun.

Worst cast scenario: they do the tests, the surgery and it still doesn't fix the problem. His brain will continue to grow, forcing his skull to grow in terrible mis-shapen ways and causing brain damage as it goes. Warren is left mentally retarded, and will not be able to play sports, run around or...
ok, I'm done going down that road because it's just too hard right now.

I just need these specialists to call me already so we can tell what we are dealing with. I'm thinking the first scenario is probably not very likely, since his little noggin is already starting to grow in a little weird shape. Nothing terribly noticeable, but if I were to point it out, you'd all go..."Oh, that's what's going on there." So, the likelihood that we'll just keep an eye on it doesn't feel very good to me. And the longer I'm left to my own devices the more worked up we're all getting. I'm also trying really hard to just accept that this happens and it's no one's fault. That Warren is a healthy happy kid, and that we're doing everything we need to do to meet his needs.

And this is also when I'm a little jealous of religious people. I almost wish that I was able to believe that there's a reason and a purpose and some benevolent thing that cares about the fate of my kid. But I don't. And I can't.

Ok, and since this is getting entirely too serious in here, I thought I'd lighten the mood a little by telling you all about the new outfit our kitty Fiddy is rocking these days. We had the businessman tie on him for a while yet. But it's mostly white, and he drags it through his water dish all day, so the thing is filthy. So, whilst cruising the Target aisles, I found the greatest thing ever: a sailor collar. It's delightfully nautical and super super gay. So you know I love it. And I must say he looks quite fetching. I just need a Village People cd to help get him into the proper state of mind. God I love cats that let you put ridiculous outfits on them!

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