Choices.

I was reminded this weekend why I decided not to live in Chico anymore. Don't get me wrong, it's not a bad place per se. It's just so small. And white. Everyone is the same. A lot of people who live there are pretty sheltered and bigoted. Not everyone, of course, but it's easy to be myopic in Chico. It's not home anymore. Xtian and I are "weird" there. Chico is something like 90% white, and really conservative. "Mixed" couples are not something you come across very often there.

I've been thinking a lot about where I want to live. Xtian and I are at the point where it's time to start getting our permanent living situation together. I now work 30 miles from home, which isn't great, but I can live with it. There have been a lot of gunshots lately in my neighborhood, which is scary, but to be expected. I know I want to stay in the Bay Area, regardless of how expensive it is. I like living in Oakland. I like that Xtian and I, while not the norm, are not that weird. There's a lot of diversity here, which is where I feel most comfortable. Especially when it comes to planning to have children. I know you CAN raise open, loving, compassionate children who are comfortable with all different people, in white neighborhoods. But it isn't easy. My future children will have the added burden of not being all white or all black. And yes, I realize that none of us are really all one or the other, but some more easily fit into one category. And humans like to put people in categories.
You know how when you see a person, and it's not immediately clear whether this person is male or female, you feel uncomfortable. We like people to fit neatly into categories so that we know how to relate to this person. And my children won't. I'm afraid to move into the suburbs. I don't want my husband and I to stick out that much. I don't want our children to be the "weird" kids at school. I don't want them to feel isolated and lost when they realize we still live in a racially polarized world.

But I also know that the schools in Oakland (at least where we can afford to live) are not the greatest. And that it's easy to run with some tough kids. And that friends have an enormous influence over children. But that's true of anywhere, right?

We've got 5 more months on this lease, so I guess I'll have to figure something out by then. Oy.

In other news, Sarah is coming to play this weekend. SF Gay Pride weekend!! I can't wait. I loves me my gays!

Happy Tuesday Ya'll.