Thursday, September 8, 2005

Ignorance= bliss?

So, I work in a large company, with stringent diversity policies etc. It's a non-profit, so often more liberal than other's. I walked into the lunch room today, and these three middle-aged white guys were eating lunch and chatting together. One of them was talking about his morning basketball league. The conversation was pretty standard, getting older, not playing as hard as he used to, blah blah blah. I'm listening with half an ear as I get my food into the microwave. The man's story continues with this beautiful gem, "...and these 5 black guys are always on the same team. It's just not fair, they always keep together, and it's not fair to the other teams." Because, clearly, just because a person is black means he/she is good at basketball.

Ok, now this was just irritating. And even worse, the dude wasn't even aware he was being ignorant. And can you imagine the conversation he would have in trying to split up the basketball team? "Hey, you, black men. Yes, we need to divide your people up evenly so the games are more fair." Yeah, that'll go over well.

Let's get real, folks. Ignorance is ignorance. Even if the stereotype is "positive" (such as, Asians being smart, black people being good at sports, etc) it's still IGNORANT and only serves to bring out how people are different which allows everyone to think in an "us vs. them" mentality, which is where racism and discrimination begin.

Soapbox preaching= done for the day.

To give you some background: my entire family excells at passive-aggressive manipulation. It's not a good thing, and I've worked to get rid of this particular neurotic behavior, but we all do it.

So, my younger sister has a field hockey tournament in San Jose this coming weekend. I was excited to see her play again, since the rest of her games are all midweek, and I'll not get a chance to get up to see them. My parents are coming down as well. I had invited my parents to spend the night at my place, so they could avoid paying Bay Area hotel and food costs. While I was in Chico, they said "yes, that would be great! We'll call you with details later in the week." That was the last I heard until this morning, when my dad mentioned offhand in an email that they wouldn't be staying with me.

Normally I wouldn't think much of this, and frankly it saves me from spending tonight "parent-proofing" my home. But, part of me is hurt thinking that this is a "we don't approve of your 'lifestyle' and so won't be visiting you, for fear you take it as acceptance." This might sound paranoid, but it's not that far fetched. I respect their beliefs and moral standards. They aren't my beliefs and standars, but whatever. When I first told my mom that Xtian would be moving in, she mentioned that she wouldn't be comfortable visiting me. And, aside from picking my older sister up and dropping her off, she hasn't visited me. In fact, neither parent has spent more than 10 minutes inside my apartment since Xtian moved in. Even though they've been in town almost weekly.

Am I being overly sensitive, probably. My logical self is saying "they probably thought it would save them travel time and gas money by staying in San Jose." My emotional, needy self is saying "my parents will never have any respect for me and my life until I get married and become the perfect mormon wife/mother they wanted me to be." Amazing how quickly your parents can turn you into a whiny 6 year old.

I talked to my older sister (it helps to have siblings when you need to dissect and over analyze everything) who didn't seem to think my parents were being passive aggressive, or had changed their plans for anything but convenience. So I feel a little better.

Just to reinforce my Dude-ness, FOOOTTTTTBBBBBBBAAAAAAAALLLLLLL!!!!!!!!
That's right, regular season starts today, and the Raiders are playing the Patriots!!!
For those not interested in sports, my apologies. But, tonight you'll find me standing on my couch, cigarette in one hand, drink in the other screaming at the teevee. It's football season, and manners/decorum have no place here.

Alright, Xtian has my truck....again. I'm getting more and more uncomfortable with him driving my truck. I know, I know. It's just a thing and things are easily replaced. But, if something happens to my truck (assuming Xtian is unscathed, of course) I would resent him for a long time. And why even tempt fate here? I love him, and nothing else should matter, right? Except.... he's still not bringing any money home, which only furthers my big stress in life, and in fact, him working has so far costed me more money than him sitting at home doing nothing. Damn transportation costs. $5 a day doesn't sound like much, but add it up. $100 a month, if he BARTs in, more like $100 a week when he drives my truck. So far, I'm voting for him being my house husband.

Meanwhile, I feel like a bitch even thinking about this. But, I've been here before. I'm done being someone's sugar mama. I know Xtian hates the situation too, and he's doing the best he can, but meanwhile, I am not allowed to complain, because then he feels bad and I feel bad for making him feel bad.

GAH! I need to go get drunk. See y'all later.

No comments: