Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Killing time and my sanity...both at the same time.

The wheels have fallen off my day. I've spent the last few days at work staring at spreadsheets full of numbers and trying to coerce them into something useful. Those who know me know that, if nothing else, I suck at math. Anything to do with numbers (except for memorizing them, which I'm oddly good at, yet another absolutely useless skill) causes me to break out in a rash, lie on the floor and cry. However, I'm working at a job that in no way takes advantage of skills I actually have, and involves an awful lot of things I'm actually terrible at. And now, it is almost 3 pm and I've completely checked out. Since I got back from a meeting an hour ago, I've done nothing but read blogs, check out every story on the Michael Jackson verdict and Terry Schiavo's autopsy (I was right on both counts, so Ha!), quickly clicking over to my email everytime anyone walks by so it looks like I'm working.

The secret to getting everyone to leave you alone at work: act really stressed, but nice about it. If you are always yanking at your hair and lookign totally overwhelmed, but smile sheepishly at everyone who wanders by, they assume you are being a "trooper" and working really hard, but trying to be pleasant even though you don't have time to be. This is the best ever. Some people will tell you to be angry with people, but that just spells out "meeting with manager" and trying to "reduce your stress." My way just makes people think you are super, and a hard worker. This is awesome.

I talked to my girlfriend Sarah last night, and she told me something so horrific, I must share it. For as she discovered, some things are so nasty and upsetting, it is physically impossible to keep it to yourself. I warn you, what you are about to read is some nasty, nasty shit. You've been warned.

So, Sarah goes to her parents' home often to use their computer/internet. They know this, it's cool. While typing an address into the URL bar, the autofiller kept trying to insert recently visited sites. The problem: the sites were all like: and and things like that. This may not be that big of a deal to most of you, but there are two people who live in that house, and only one who uses that computer: her dad. We are all aware that our parents are people with sexual needs and various proclivities. However, NO ONE needs to know exactly what their parent's kink is. And this goes both ways, Sarah does not need to know that her dad has a particular fondness for anal sex and latina women, and her father does not need to know that she likes to be spanked and have her hair pulled during sex (or whatever, I'm just making all that up. Moving right along...).

So, when it comes to using a computer, here are the rules: If you must look at online porn, you must learn how, and after every viewing, delete all cookies and delete the website history. If you don't at least do that much, you are an inconsiderate ass.

Regarding the soon to be living with me Xtian: if anyone thinks I'm making a terrible mistake, or thinks I haven't thought about a particular aspect, post a comment, email me ( anything. I promise, we'll still be friends. I just haven't moved this quickly in a long time (read: ever) and it's a little scary. I think I've thought of everything, but now I'm second-guessing myself. And Xtian is unavailable by phone this week, so I can't call and share my freak-outs with him. Which is probably a good thing. Assuming he moves in (although I am back to the "assume it isn't actually going to happen" neurotic thing) he'll learn soon enough how much of a nutbag I can be. Why ruin the surprise?

I'm in weird uncharted territory here. I'm not what one would call a "hopeless romantic" or anything. I'm more likely to be described as "cynical and jaded to the point of being irritating." So, this whole, suddenly it all seems to click and feels really good, and it works well, thing is way outside of my realm of experience. Here is a 24 year old male, whom I find attractive, can talk to, have excellent sex with (seriously, surprisingly, wake the neighbors, scaring the horses kind of sex) feels politically similar (read: left enough, but unlike me in the "I'll kill you if you don't agree with me" fury that I tend toward), and for whom I feel genuine affection and ....dare I say (yikes!). I'm confused. I don't know if I'm being hasty or just following my bliss and embracing life. Bah!

Anyhow, I've wasted enough of my employer's time. I'm going to go home now. Have a super sweet afternoon.

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